Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ApricotSwarm on 2023-12-29 21:04:33+00:00.

So we are together about a year but because of work we have kinda long distance relationship. What he is doing lately makes me mad and anxious. He had problem with alcohol before, but now I can see it's going back. He supposed to come on new year party and buy a ticket . He just recorded me confusing voice message I could barely understand, he was so fucked up. Lately it happens more often, but this one I was like kinda shocked . Girls what would you do ? Should I respond to his drunk messages ? Honestly I'm fed up with this.

Tl;Dr My boyfriend is alcoholic and he is recording drunk voice messages. He supposed to buy tickets but what I hear from the message is some mumble drunk talk, I don't feel respected

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lalapalooza801 on 2023-12-29 21:04:28+00:00.

Hi all, I (f25) have a difficult relationship with my brother’s (m39) children (all under 15 yrs) bc their parents are divorced and had a really bad custody battle that included a lot of parental alienation from the mother’s (f39) side. Their custody arrangement is more stable now and my brother sees his kids, travels with them and they stay with him sometimes biweekly and sometimes just for the weekend (depends on the kids’ school schedule). In fact, he’s even traveled with the kids, his ex-wife (their mother), and his new wife (their stepmother). I won’t go into how strange I find this situation,given how bad their custody battle was.

Before the divorce, my ex sister in law and I had a good relationship. During the custody battle, however, this soured bc she did things to hurt me and my parents like trying to put us (not only my brother) in situations to aid in her getting full custody of the children. I won’t go into detail of what she’s done bc it’s too long and painful. Since then, I am no longer on speaking terms with her (approx. 4 years). My parents have since spoken to her in efforts of maintaining their relationship with their grandchildren, and they’ve maintained a relationship with her parents.

I mostly see the children with their father. However, there are times where I am at social functions where my ex sister in law and her family are also invited to. (Part of the issue with this marriage/divorce situation is that we are long time family friends in my hometown and have many mutual friends, so we risk seeing one another a lot when we’re all in our hometown around the holidays.) When this happens and my ex sister in law has the kids with her, she deliberately keeps them from saying hi to me. Which really hurts. I know that she deliberately does this bc she’ll make eye contact with me and starts steering the kids away and saying “let’s go.”

This behavior has happened on more than one occurrence, and is especially hurtful bc even though I don’t speak to her anymore, I’ve made an effort to be nice to her mother and other people in her family when I see them. And prior to their custody battle, when they were just going through early divorce proceedings, I was always still very nice to her. In fact I was willing to maintain a relationship with her after the divorce until she began attempting to hurt other people not involved in her and my brother’s previous marriage (I.e. me and my parents), and tried to use her children against my brother.

Am I wrong to feel entitled, at the least, to the kids and I being able to say hi to each other? I don’t know if this is a selfish feeling or not, but I can’t help feeling this way. It feels like such a let down after knowing this person for over 20 years of my life. The added factor to my pain is that I don’t live in the same state as my brother, the kids, and their mom, so she knows I barely get to see the kids.

Thanks in advance.

TL;DR! my ex sister in law keeps my brother’s kids from speaking to me when we’re in the same social function

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Real-Cat-2268 on 2023-12-29 21:01:01+00:00.

i(24m) have fallen in love with my bestfriend (22f) we became friends again after not talking at all for 7 years we hooked up a couple times and i was instantly hooked and so was she until i asked about a relationship which she then said we should just be friends and i said cool hoping that one day we could be more but a little over a year later a couple of family trips and alot of leading on i am still just her friend. we hooked up one night after drinking a little and i let her move into my house…now ive been taking care if her for about 6 months and we’re friends only ive explained that i want more amd she has told me to get over it. now it’s st the point where she’s talking to other people and it’s kind of driving me crazy…she sayd im her bestfriend and she loves me but wont tell me about anyone she’s seeing (says i have no right to ask) am i in the wrong for wanting her to find a new place amd also for wanting to know about her personal life a little more?

tl;dr i feel like im being used also because she knows how i feel and that i would do anything for her i kinda feel like she is taking advantage of that?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/thedoubtside on 2023-12-29 20:31:46+00:00.

so my boyfriend and i are from the same hometown, about 2.5 hours away from where i live now. he still comes to see me for a few days multiple times a month (pretty much every weekend that i don't come to him) and he's here with me now (dec 29th). i work a looot of hours between 2 jobs and since one is understaffed at the moment, they asked me to work new year's eve, and there's not really an alternative. one of my coworkers is already working 3 doubles in a row this week and i don't want her to get stuck with any more hours so i reluctantly took the shift.

ideally, i can get off that shift at 9pm and be home with plenty of time to celebrate the holiday with my boyfriend, who was trying to convince his friends to meet at a city in between here and our hometown to hit the bars, so i can go celebrate with everyone too. but one of his friends just texted that they're having their annual NYE party at their place again, (same hometown) and the friend group will all most likely go there instead. i would love to go, but i also work the next day and it would be super impractical to drive 2.5 hours after 9pm for a party, and then drive back for work the next morning (i also have a dog at home who would need taken care of). my boyfriend said something like, "well that wrecks my plans but i still love their NYE parties so it should be fun." so it sounds like he's going home for the party instead.

how do i tell him that, this being our first NYE actually dating, that i really wanted to ring in the new year together? i don't want to make him feel guilty for wanting to spend it with his friends, but it's also something that i guess is pretty important to me because it's making me really sad to think about not being with him for. i know it sounds selfish, and it probably is, i just want to talk to him about how i'm feeling without holding him back or making him feel bad for wanting to go, or resenting me for wanting him to stay. i just don't know how to navigate it 🥺

TLDR: my boyfriend is visiting, he lives 2.5 hours away and wants to spend our first new years at a party in his hometown that i can't attend because i work the night of and the day after. how do i tell him that it makes me sad and i really saw us spending it together without making him feel guilty for wanting to go to the party?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwaway2478596 on 2023-12-29 20:28:54+00:00.

My (27M) online friend (24F) and i have known each other for almost 2 years now and were talking actively until 3 weeks ago. I'll try to be brief but include every detail i that seems important to the story.

Her boyfriend broke up with her about 2 months ago and i've been here to support her emotionally and pragmactically in any way i could. I prefer to warn i had no romantic interest for her and still don't and we've discussed it as she was wondering at some point.

After about 2 weeks after she got dumped, she asked me with photos how i would honestly rate her physically on a scale of 1 to 10 as she probably was feeling self-conscious due to her recent breakup and her ex telling her he didn't feel physically attracted to her anymore.

She asked me for an honest opinion so i obliged, and rated her between 5.5 and 6.5 depending on the photograph.

A few days later, we were talking and i made an innuendo, as a semi-joke and it escalated rather quickly as there was no push-back and she entertained the mood. However maybe i did get too eager and that's my bad. It ended in written adult time because i knew she was not comfortable with visual stimuli (i.e sending ourselves photos). As it started, we had a quick but consensual agreement that we were only friends having some fun.

Next time, she told me she wasn't sure if it was right to do afterwards as she didn't want to hurt me or anything because it would happen only if she wanted it to happen (Which i find quite normal tbf but i can understand where she's coming from > Me being there when she wanted but the inverse not being true) and i respect it that. So we agreed it would not happen again, even if sure, i was kinda bummed because it was fun but it is what it is.

A month went past, we were talking normally and she said some enticing stuff, to which i responded "Do you realise what you're saying right now? You should not say those things to me, i thought we agreed." to which she replied "What would you want (for us)?" Taken aback at the sudden change of behavior, i said what i wanted did not change, i would be happy if we were friends with benefits but that we shouldn't be doing this because i didn't want to take advantage of her first of all but that i was kinda tired of the hot and cold stuff. As it was late and she said she was tired, i did not press on to ask for a real closure (again) even if she said she did want to tell me how she felt for real but was too tired to do so. It made me confused and wondering if she was somehow hiding her true feelings or whatever.

Anyways, the next day, she told me her feelings did not change either and that she didn't want it to happen again. Which made me really confused and at that point i said "That's it, i'm not playing those games anymore, i would have been fine with either a yes or a no but i can't take it". What's blowing my mind is that she's asking me to stop her when she flirts with me, which i could do honestly, but i'm just over it. I told her i felt like it was unfair for the person not wanting it to happen to ask the person that wanted it to happen to stop her.

I asked her for some time and distance and she mostly understands even if she calls me a hypocrit. I do give her that i have my part of responsability but i can't help but feel like i'm being toyed with.

I feel like i'm emotionally immature and like i am very much at fault due to not resisting temptation even though i knew i did not want to take advantage of a vulnerable person that just broke up. Be honest and as harsh as you want.

TL;DR : I (27M) decided to take some time away from a friend (24F) because i can't take her indecision about being friends with benefits and i feel like a big baby throwing a tantrum doing so.

I can't figure out what to do moving forward. Do you have suggestions?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KillerKayleigh283 on 2023-12-29 20:23:15+00:00.

TLDR: small boundary but broken several times in (almost) 9 years. partner says he doesnt care it bothers me, hes doing it anyway. Hes happy when im upset in silence but when i bring it up he accuses me of looking for a fight. Should i have just kept quiet?

Long version. Some of you will find my boundaries unfair, thats fine, im not in a relationship with you. If my partner found them unfair, he should have not gotten into a relationship with me, because i literally told him from the start. I have BPD, so i have triggers. i know what they are and i set boundaries accordingly. They are also set as the status of the relationship. for example, we are pretty much husband and wife, just without the paper as we cant afford it. I do everything a wife does. I cook 100% of the time, i do 100% of the laundry and about 90% of the total housework. I did this all whilst running a small business aswell. he 'did' work but has been off sick for almost a year. he did not do any extra housework. (maybe once or twice a week he would do 2 chores instead of 1) and the only 'extra' stuff he did was going to his friends MORE (1 boundary, il explain shortly) and play on his xbox or pc.

Theres also things that need doing in the house that i havent had time to do, im closing my shop in mid jan, these things wont get done until then, because its on me. another wife thing i did/do, i used to be a topless model and i made a LOT of money from it. i stopped that as per his request, i dont dress in ways to show a lot of flesh off, i dont hang out 1 on 1 with any male friends (i only have 1 male friend anyway). when he was in work and not off sick, i got up in the morning with him and made his breakfast and [acked a lunnch for him, his dinner was made for when he got home and all housework was done so he can relax afterwards. I also look after my child (he is stepdad and loves the child more than he loves me, thats great IMO)

as a husband, i expect him to not just drop plans on me, if his friends (all single and on drink/drugs and game 24/7, only 1 of them has a job) ask him to come over, he cant just drop it on me as its a trigger for me. tomorrow i needed help doing something in the house, or grocery shopping etc, so you now deciding youre going out all day (he literally always goes for 12 hours) doesnt sit well with me.

as my husband id like you to spend time at home with me, im not just one of your buddies you hang out with. if you see your friends for a solid day (again, a full 12 hours) id really rather you didnt just bugger off a 2nd time this week, its also restricting for me because i dont drive, he does and has the car and im quite far away from everything, so him going out again means i cant really do anything outside of the house. Plus, everytime he goes there, they smoke around him, he comes home stinking of a volcano, I am the only one that washes his clothes and the smokiness makes him snore for 2 or 3 days afterwards, waking me up several times per night yet im still expected to get up and do all of the above and be fine about it. but doing this twice a week means theres literally not a single night i can get proper sleep *there isnt another room i can sleep in, theres my childs room, or downstairs with the dogs on the cold leather sofa)

if you find these unfair, thats fine. if we dated and i told you early on these are my boundaries, if you dont like them you wouldnt still get into a relationship with me, would you? Then break said boundaries, then complain that im not just being upset about it in silence like a good little whipped-girl.

He did that tonight, AGAIN. A friend who hasnt come to the weekly gathering for a long time, has decided he wants one now, after they just had one 2 days ago. So hes told me tonight, by the way, tomorrow (when we were supposed to do the food shopping) im going out now. i said right im not happy about it, but im not saying 'no you cant go'. he was happy about that, knowing that bothered me but i wasnt gonna make a fuss. that already sounds pretty selfish IMO. a few hours passed and i dared to bring it up. 'i'm really not happy about you going there again tomorrow, i cant shake it off'

well he went off like a firework, apparently im controlling and he doesnt wanna be with someone who restricts him like this (it was fine when you wanted to f**k me and move into MY house 8.5 years ago wasnt it). he full blown said the relationship is now over, hes going out tomorrow, coming home at midnight, then will move out on sunday.

so hang on, you are told boundaries from the start, now want to dump me because 8.5 (9 years in march) years later, i still get upset when you break said boundaries and dont just keep the hurt from the disrespect to myself? I mean, that sounds pretty controlling to me. DROP YOUR BOUNDARIES, OR SHUSH IF I BREAK THEM, OTHERWISE ITS OVER. this is also someone who absolutely hit the roof because i wanted to wear a fabric catsuit on a night out WITH HIM a few months ago. he was so mad and shouty, we didnt even go. the entire night was cancelled, this was when we made 1 night a week our actual 'out of the house, no children, date night'. we havent done one of those since......

Should i have just been upset in silence? it isnt like this is the ONLY opportunity to see this other friend, he lives 10 minutes away from where they all hang out, we need groceries tomorrow but now that isnt happening because he wants to go and play xbox for 12 hours and come back stinking and snoring for the next 4 days. (the smoke affects his sinuses, which also means he is irritable ALL day every day the following days and im on edge because i dont know whats gonna set him off snapping)

he was quite happy to break a boundary knowing how it made me feel, which actually made me feel worse, he went on about his day like the cat who got the cream, all while knowing i was suffering in silence. he then lost his temper when i didnt stay quiet anymore. I feel like he only loves me when im convenient (quiet, not challenging him etc). should i have stayed quiet so he didnt threaten to end the relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Tengrus on 2023-12-29 20:11:55+00:00.

This is not gonna be up for long cause I can't risk her finding out. I(M) started sleeping with this girl around 14 months ago and things were going pretty sweet,we were exclusive properly enjoy our sexual life while going out quite a bit,in one year of seeing her twice a week I never catched a single feelings up until now....last week when she slept at mine she gave me this speech(When she was very very very drunk)of how important I was for her mental health and how having me around makes her a better perso and that she likes me a lot,that same night we cuddled in bed big time after sex and it felt incredible,I felt such a connection that made me start to catch feelings bad,now I'm seeing her on Sunday and I'm not sure what to do,I don't want to lose her as a friend and as much as I'd rather not admitting it I think I'm also addicted to the sex life we have together like I've never had such sex with anyone else. Advice on what to do? Should I risk it? Or should I wait hoping my feelings will go away? Cheers

TL:DR:Slept together with this girl for one year and after countless nights spent together I'm catching feelings hard,unsure what to do cause I don't want to lose her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/menea2 on 2023-12-29 20:06:04+00:00.

Hi guys, this might seem like an easy to solve issue - just distance yourself, right? I would really like your advice however because it is a very hard thing to do for me. I want to say that I'm not a native english speaker, so my writing might not be 100% great.

To give a bit of a backstory (I will use fake names), I've became friends with Ben (25M) 4 years ago. Since then we've been very close, always together in any friend group. No romantic feelings as he isn't into women. Then, we've made friends with other people, particulary with Jess (24F). We became this kind of a trio, and we've been there for each other in a lot of situations. We've been in a typical, college party era, always going out, drinking, meeting up in a large group of friends. At that time it was fine with me, as most people need these types of hang outs at that age.

However, with time, I started noticing weird things about our dynamics. When I entered my first healthy relationship, things started going wrong. Ben and Jess were always hating on my ex boyfriend (21M at that time). They disliked the fact he was nerdy (I am as well, I just don't talk about stuff like that with them a lot...), or would hate on the fact that he had other friends and we didn't always hang out with them. Ben and Jess would make comments about his look or how we are cringy. My ex boyfriend would always say to me that they aren't healthy, they only want to drink and they always talk about other people behind their backs, but at that time it all seemed so normal to me. Unfortunately, I think all of this caused a rift and I broke up with my boyfriend.

After the break up things were fine again, the dynamic became the same. Ben and Jess became sweet and caring again, and supporting me through the break up, encouraging me to go out. Fast-forwarding into the future, I've heard some bad things about one of the guys in the group, Josh (25M). I've heard he was talking badly about my back, really bad and untrue things, which made me not hang out with them as often, I felt really uncomfortable. After finally confronting Josh, he said it wasn't true, but I didn't really believe him. I distanced myself a bit and in doing so, I found new friends, very randomly, and this also brought me a new, healthy relationship, with my now boyfriend, Mike (24M). We are really good together, I can see that, and I can see spending my life with him. As you can guess, the same things started happening. Now, Ben and Jess are not onlymaking weird comments, but also making snark remarks when I cannot hang out or go out to a club on a WEEK DAY (I work). If I miss a hang out and propose a different date, they are snarky. When then I hang out with them, they don't even ask how I am, mostly talk to other people in the group but expect me to be there and have fun. Ben and Jess only invite me to parties, but I know from their stories that they've became close to Josh and they go out to the mall, or to see movies with him, not with me.

It might not seem like a lot, but I'm a very sensitive person, I read between the lines of people's behaviour too much and I am overwhelmed when I sense that there is an issue, or that people talk about me, but not to my face. One day I saw Ben and Jess, and I asked them what's wrong. I said that I feel some sort of resentment coming from them, but they said everything's fine. I've began hanging out less and less, and that started causing more and more issues.

As of now, both Ben and Jess expect me to come to a club with them on the New Years Eve, and all I wanna do is hang out with my boyfriend and our mutual friends at their flat and have a chill evening. Of course, I know this will cause a massive drama and them talking behind my back to everyone, claiming I'm a bad person. How do I go about this to create the least amount of drama I can? How to continue putting my boundaries high and not let it get to me? I'm so tired of this childishness, but it's so hard to completely drift away because we've been through a lot together. Thank you so much.

TLDR: My friend group has issues with me being in a relationship and changing my priorities, how do I deal with it and not cause more drama. Thank you.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Carolynyeehaw on 2023-12-29 20:04:25+00:00.

My boyfriend’s sister (21F) hates me! What should I do?

So this is an incredibly long story. When my boyfriend and I started dating 3 years ago, I was on good terms with his sister and even hung out with her from time to time. One night when I picked her up (she was drunk) she kept telling me how much she wanted to be best friends with me. After that night, things started to go downhill. Her brother would get into fights with her while we were staying at their parent’s house because they couldn’t agree on cleaning responsibilities. His sister would often think that I was behind those arguments even though I had nothing to do with them. We got into a few small arguments after that, but we were able to talk it out and resolve them.

Last year I was moving back to my college town to finish out my degree and I suggested she rent a house with me and her brother as a way to get closer and save money. The entire first month we were moving in, she never came by unless she wanted to drop off boxes of her stuff. My boyfriend and I were left to clean the house by ourselves while moving in which wasn’t that big of a deal to me but should’ve been a red flag. Being by ourselves in the house for a month, we didn’t really want to wait for her to arrange all of our furniture in the living spaces so we thought we might as well set it up and ask her what space she wanted for herself to decorate so she doesn’t get upset. After a month, she came by and got pissed at me for “not leaving her enough space” because she had expected half of the space instead of 1/3. She also got upset with me for offering a wall in the living room to decorate because it had made her feel forced or pressured to decorate that space. After the first few months, she claimed that it was unfair me and my boyfriend had the master bedroom even though we paid 2/3 the rent. Throughout our time living there, she never stayed more than one night a week because she chose to sleep at her boyfriend’s house instead. She stopped paying for Wi-Fi but still claimed we should let her use it or we don’t care about her grades. She also stopped paying for pest control because she “never saw bugs inside” even though we had a major spider problem due to our garden.

She didn’t want to pay for these things because she was never staying there long even though that was her choice and I didn’t know she would do that going into our rental arrangement. By the time we were planning on moving out, she started stealing some of my things including my extra mattress that I let her borrow for the year because I was planning on getting rid of the one I had been using previously. When we addressed this to her, she claimed that we took her furniture in the shared spaces which were gifts from their mother to me and my boyfriend specifically because we asked for them. She got so pissed off that she told her parents and we all had a sit down.

Their parents were upset that we were arguing over material objects, but allowed her to shit talk me to my face. Anytime I was allowed to share my perspective, she would make faces at me and cut me off. We ended the sit down with her saying that she never wants to see me again and I just let her leave. The only mean thing I ever said to her was that I was done with the manipulation and passive aggressiveness. Of course I try to avoid her as much as possible, but it can be difficult when I have to see her at family holidays. I have tried being cordial and kind no matter what since the sit down even though she continues to do little things to piss me off intentionally such as grabbing hair from the shower and placing it on my toiletries as well as slamming doors behind me when we walk past each other. I am aware that she is not a relationship worth investing in, but at least being neutral would be better than being negative. What should I do in this situation? I know this is only coming from one side of the story, but if I knew what she truly thought I would share it too. I am always trying to reflect and grow as a person so I have been over analyzing this situation trying to understand what I did to let her believe I am a horrible person. Keep in mind she is a little over a year younger than me and I am 23. My boyfriend has tried to stick up for me when he can but he gets shut down and sometimes doesn’t even recognize when she is being petty.

TL; DR My boyfriend’s sister and I have had issues due to us living together for a year. She would do extremely petty things to me and ended up telling her parents to try and get me in trouble. When we had a sit down she just shit talked me to my face. 6 months later and she is still doing petty things to me even though I stay cordial and kind towards her. What should I do to try to make things neutral between us?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RecognitionFlat7356 on 2023-12-29 20:01:30+00:00.

Hello everyone. I'm still reeling from the news I got a few days ago and wanted some outside perspective on what to do. Sorry for the length, but I wanted to explain as much as possible so that everyone is clear on the picture here. All right, here goes.

Some backstory:

My (28M) dad (52M) is a bit of a toxic person (understatement) and it made growing up with him awful. Some of his behavior is understandable. He was diagnosed with a chronic, but not fatal, illness around 20 years ago and hasn't been able to work a proper job because of it. We received money from the government because of it, so we didn't completely suffer financially, but we were still poor.

Money wasn't the main issue, his behavior towards those around him was. He did almost nothing around the house. Very seldom did he do dishes, cook any meals, do any laundry, or clean anything at all. Since he was home most of the time, he was the source of the majority of the mess. My stepmother would come home from work and be mad that the house looked this way and he would just den that he was the problem and essentially bully her into giving up, so she would take it out on me and my sisters instead by yelling at us to do it.

This leads me to another major aspect of the problem with my dad: the overt narcissism. He's never been diagnosed, but sisters and I all agree that he definitely has narcissistic tendencies. He makes everything about him, thinks he does no wrong, refuses to take accountability, creates narratives out of a severe lack of information, among many other traits. There is a lot more I could say about this and many other flaws he has, but I hope you get the point I'm trying to make.

If not, here's an example:

When I was in college, my sister (24F) from my dad's first marriage was graduating high school and was considering where to go to college. My dad thought it would be best for her to live with us so she could be closer to her sisters. My mom wanted her to do what she thought was best for herself. And my sister wanted, well, to live near her girlfriend.

You see, I had only just found out that she was gay right after her graduation. She was very close to a friend of hers and they acted like a couple at times. I started putting the pieces together and outright asked my sister if they were dating. Without batting an eye, she said yes. So that was that. She said she wanted to live near her GF, so that's why she's choosing the college away from Mt dad and sisters.

My dad did not like this and argued with her all summer. Eventually, he began blaming my mother, which really bothered me. She had nothing to do with the decision, and I told him as much. He then tried to pry the answer out of me and I told him to talk to my sister. She eventually came out under duress (this was my fault and I'm still very sorry for it) and my dad said he was only upset that she lied to him and didn't trust him. Yeah, we will disprove that immediately.

Weeks of arguing with her later, still teying to convince her to go to college here, he had a conversation with me late one night about how he wanted to stop contact with my sister from the younger two sisters (21F and 18F). He said it was because he didn't want her influencing them. I took this to me he didn't want to infect them with her gay. I was not happy and immediately called him out on it. He sarcastically said "well if you know so much, then how does it work?" He then proceeded to blame my sister's GF for corrupting my sister, followed by a lecture on the Bible. Than man has not sat thought a Sunday sermon in probably 10 years.

I left angry. My sister texted me later to tell me about something completely unrelated (Two celebrities divorcing) and told her what I talked about with our dad. She said she'd been thinking of blocking him because of how he'd been treated her already and this just added to the fire. So she did. She sent him a message regarding the comments he made to me and blocked him. He then came to my room, practically in the middle of the night to get angry and tell me I broke the family apart.

Later that day, he told me he was going to kick me out of the house. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I capitulated. I apologized and just agreed to whatever he wanted from me. My sister started talking to him again and he let me stay. From then on I lost all respect for him. I couldn't trust him and couldn't even have a conversation with him without worrying I'd do something to irk him. I gave up until I could move out.

Fast forward a bit:

I moved out of the house after college (~5 years ago) and i immediately felt so much more at peace. When you're around a person like my dad, you constantly on edge trying not to do anything wrong, or else you'll get yelled at or blamed for any number of thing you say. I began distancing myself from him by only answering his phone calls (which were frequent) until I had time to answer them. He would always sound annoyed when I would finally call back and ask me why I didn't snwer right away. After my GF (now wife 26F) moved in, I stopped visiting home as much and we began visiting her family more instead. Our families live around 1 hour apart, so my dad still expects me to visit if he finds out I'm in the area.

Over time, I've visited less and less. Every time I went home, I became depressed, remembering how much I hated it there and how bad he made me feel. He even moved the entire family into my grandmother's house after my grandfather died. This might sound like a good thing by keeping her company, but in reality it was an upgrade for him. We lived in a trailer in the woods and she lived in a big house on an old farm. They brought along all of their junk (he's a hoarder) and 2 animals. Adding to my grandmother's two, and adopting 2 more along the way, that house now has 3 cats and 3 dogs. Even if my wife and I weren't allergic to cats, this turned the house into a farm.

The garage, backyard shed, barn, yard, attic, kitchen, dining room, living room floor, and basically every other surface is now filled with their stuff. They continue to add to it by constantly buying junk of off a Chinese knockoff Amazon. There is not a single person working in thathouse, btw. My stepmom was fired for falsifying her hours and hasnt worked in a year. They are draining my grandmother's bank account and yelling at her if she tries to moving anything to clean the place up. It's disgusting behavior like this that drives me away.

Now let's get to this year:

I've been wanted to cut all contact with my dad for year, but my wife has been telling me to ay least try and mend things with my dad. Well, this past summer, my dad and stepmom were going on a trip out of town. The halfway point to their destination was our city. They asked if they could stay with us on the way there and back.

Side note, they have never once come to visit me since I moved out. Even when I begged. They complained that we had the wedding here too, so it's definitely selfishness that drives them.

Since this was the first time they'd visit, and the first time In years we would be alone with them, we were incredibly anxious, but said yes and made sure to be as accommodating as possible. We cleaned everything, prepared the guest room, planned dinners, and made sure our schedules were clear. I was in semi frequent communication with my dad this entire time. We did everything we could to make them fe welcome, despite the past few years of distance.

The day before they were supposed to arrive, I got a text from my stepmom letting me know that my dad was sick and they couldn't make it, and that they probably won't be able to go on vacation at all. My dad gets sick fairly regularly due to his illness, so I wasn't surprised, just disappointed.

However, months later, I was talking to one of my sisters and she let me now that they did in fact go on that trip. They said nothing to me. They had to drive past us twice, on the way there and on the way back. We could have done lunch, or dinner, or even just a quick chat at home. Anything. And this is the second time they've done this. 2 years ago they did this exact thing. And the cherry on the crop cake is that the next time I'm on the phone with my dad, he let's me know that he's been going to football games in the city over with a friend for the past 3 month. He was 40 minutes away from me the day before our talk and never once asked to meet me for lunch.

They make no effort to be in our lives and this leads me to Christmas of this year:

I was really hurt by the events this past summer, so I've had even less contact with my dad than usual. We saw them for Thanksgiving for maybe 3 hours, but that was the bulk of our conversation in about 6 months. My dad messaged me 5 days before Christmas (after all plans had been made for the holidays) and asked if we would be home on the 30th. Confused, I told him we'd be be home (as in coming back home to see family) on Christmas day and would be returning that night. My wife's family would be staying with us on the 30th, so we will be busy. He said okay and that was it. Come to find out, he was going on a trip and needed a place to stay that day and want to use us as a free hotel (visiting only when it's convenient to him). He threw a fit to my sister about it, saying that we were prioritizing my wife's family over him. We had planned this a month ago and h...

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Responsible_Ebb5331 on 2023-12-29 19:53:23+00:00.

I (23F) have been friends with Angela (25F) for 4 years. One thing to note is that Angela makes a big deal about her birthdays, which her other friends also noted.

Every year I've given Angela a birthday gift. Angela never gave me a birthday gift or acknowledged my birthday when she knew it was my birthday but I tried not to feel too hurt by it because there could be lots of reasons. But I do feel hurt by it; for example, last year, I told her it was my birthday that day and she ignored the message to talk about something else.

This year, I decided not to give Angela a present and to just wish her a happy birthday just to avoid disappointment on my end.

However, her close friend reached out to me to ask me to chip in to get her an expensive gift. She didn't ask for a specific amount and didn't say how much it would cost in the end, but this gift typically ranges from $1-3k.

I was thinking of telling her that it isn't in my budget, but then again she never said how much it was or she could say that I can contribute even a little bit and it would help.

Is there a way to decline this without seeming rude or lying?

TL;DR: how can I decline to pitch in to get my friend an expensive bday present when I decided to not gift her anything this year? Is there a way to do this without being rude or lying?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Competitive_Shake459 on 2023-12-29 19:52:46+00:00.

Me ( f23) cheated on my bf (m21) after he put his hands on me so he can initiate the breakup

I first of all, I was never a cheater because I have been cheated on in the past and I know how it feels. The hurt, pain , lost of trust, etc.

I have been dating my boyfriend ( let’s call him A ) for a year now. I’m 23 and he’s 21. Long story short , all relationships aren’t perfect but he had put his hands on me and for me that’s a relationship breaker. I told him that the reason I broke up w my ex of 5 years was because he was constantly hurting me physically , emotionally and mentally. Me and A’s been together for a year, I love him and we obviously have our ups and down. But for the last 4 months our relationship has just been going downhill main reason is because I’ve been wanting to break up with him since he already put his hands on me.

Every time that happens , he apologizes and I take him back because I obv. Have a lot of feelings and love for him still but at the same time I know I can’t be w someone who already put their hands on me. I explained to him that we can’t be together rn and that we both need to work on ourself first. He was never accepting the break up, so in his mind we’re still together , but in my reality, I was done. Although , I still have a lot of love for him. But I have to love myself more.

Anyways , let’s insert Boy B. We’ve been talking for 2 months now and he treats me wayyyy better than both my ex and boy A. He’s a gentleman , sweet and very respectful. I invited him a day after me and Boy A had a big ass argument and thought that that would be the end of it. I thought its the final break up after all the failed break ups with him. Fast forward , I ended up kissing Boy B, and it got heated. He pulled out a condom and I was about to have sex with him and I was on top but I stopped my self and explained to him my situation. I was being honest and he was very understanding and didn’t force me to do anything at all.

A week later I had to go back to Boy A house to get my car since he was working on it , we ended up kissing and getting back together, BUT I told him that k feel that this is wrong and that we should let each other go and that we’ll be good as friends but again , he said that what’s best for us is to stay together. So I’m still with him. Yesterday he found the condom wrapper in my room and I told him about Boy B. I’m 100% sure he thought we had sex but I don’t blame him. The most confusing thing to me is that I told him that we can’t be together , it won’t be the same. And he still wants to be with me. I told him that he should break up with me and he deserve better and a love where no one will hurt each other.

I still love boy A a lot , but boy B has been making me happy. I also limited my conversations and in person meet up with boy B because I don’t think it’s fair for anyone and I don’t want to be with two guys at once. But I feel like I wanted to give boy B a chance since boy A already had it and he messed it up but I take accountability of my own actions.

TL;DR : I feel so guilty and hurt as well because I hurted boy A by bringing boy B in the relationship but again I wanted to break up with him anyways because he hurted me physically and I can’t move past it. But I think I have attachment issues because I still like Boy A. I don’t know how to make him understand that one relationship isn’t good and that it will never go back to normal, I need advice. Thanks

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lemmedisassociate on 2023-12-29 19:38:20+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. One thing I struggle with is that I feel he tells me half truths or just withholds info all together.

Lately he’s been getting home from work very late. He works in the food service industry so that’s to be expected. Unfortunately, it’s gone from coming home from work at 1 or 2 AM to now 3 and sometimes even 4 AM. At first, it upset me. He told me he couldn’t help it and the last thing he needed was stress from me about something he couldn’t control. I understood, felt like a jerk, and have not had a problem with it since.

Until recently, I’ve found that he’s been getting home tipsy. He drinks sometimes after work at home, nbd. But I’ve started to notice his 2 or 3 beers have gotten him VERY intoxicated VERY quickly. Never used to happen. On Christmas Eve, he came home wasted and said they give him some drinks at work. Come to find out, it was only a half day for him and he only worked 3 hours. What happened to the rest of the time? He works with friends, and has even had a girlfriend of one of his friends calling his phone back to back in the middle of the day. Never met her.

I have ZERO problem with him unwinding after work. If he texted me “Hey babe! Going to have a drink after work with friends.” I’d say ok! I’d never say no, or would have a problem (unless it became way too excessive obv). But not telling me makes me feel so infuriated and betrayed. I don’t think he’s cheating on me, but I hate that he’s not being honest. It makes me feel like he thinks I’m an idiot.

I respect his space and boundaries. I don’t call him while he’s at work and I barely text him at work. I do check in and he also does too. Maybe send a meme or two. But I never want him to feel suffocated. I make sure of that. And yet, he still chooses to lie and say he’s at work when it’s clear he’s not. This has also happened in the past. He said he was going to work when really he quit. Didn’t tell me until a week or two later. Idk what to do at this point. Can someone give me advice on 1) if I’m being extra or not 2) how to confront him about it.

TLDR; my boyfriend has been lying about staying late at work when he’s really going out with his friends. am i overreacting and how should i confront him about it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/T-ronjr on 2023-12-29 19:31:35+00:00.

Should I (M28) pay my gfs (F29) overdue rent balance?

To make this short, me and my gf have been dating for roughly 6 months. She is historically not good at managing her money were as I am better at her in that aspect of our relationship. She recently lost her job and has been feeling the weight of those decisions as she has almost no money. She recently got an unemployment check and spent part of it on the rent and part of it on a girls night out where she told me the day after “i spent more money that I should have”. She even mentioned to me that she wants to make prime rib for new years dinner. She now has almost no money left, can barely feed her cats, pay her car note, and def cant pay her rent which is much more than mine. I am no rich man and if i pay her rent I will def feel it. She is looking at another unemployment check in Jan but the complex is asking for the money by Dec 31st. At this moment she hasnt asked me to pay her rent but I have given her money for her phone and other living expenses. Her poor money management is starting to impact my life. Should I pay her rent or let her find her own solutions?

Tldr: Me and my gf have been together for 6 months. My girlfriend lost her job has barely any money or resources left. She received a check from unemployment and paid part of her rent and went out with her friends and now has no money left. She hasnt asked me to pay her rent but idk if I even should. The complex is asking for the money. Should I pay her rent?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/T-ronjr on 2023-12-29 19:31:35+00:00.

Should I (M28) pay my gfs (F29) overdue rent balance?

To make this short, me and my gf have been dating for roughly 6 months. She is historically not good at managing her money were as I am better at her in that aspect of our relationship. She recently lost her job and has been feeling the weight of those decisions as she has almost no money. She recently got an unemployment check and spent part of it on the rent and part of it on a girls night out where she told me the day after “i spent more money that I should have”. She even mentioned to me that she wants to make prime rib for new years dinner. She now has almost no money left, can barely feed her cats, pay her car note, and def cant pay her rent which is much more than mine. I am no rich man and if i pay her rent I will def feel it. She is looking at another unemployment check in Jan but the complex is asking for the money by Dec 31st. At this moment she hasnt asked me to pay her rent but I have given her money for her phone and other living expenses. Her poor money management is starting to impact my life. Should I pay her rent or let her find her own solutions?

Tldr: Me and my gf have been together for 6 months. My girlfriend lost her job has barely any money or resources left. She received a check from unemployment and paid part of her rent and went out with her friends and now has no money left. She hasnt asked me to pay her rent but idk if I even should. The complex is asking for the money. Should I pay her rent?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/taysonny on 2023-12-29 18:58:24+00:00.

We’ve been dating for a few months. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, we think so similarly and have the same goals for our future. The one thing is that I’m not insanely attracted to him. I don’t know what to do. I still like being affectionate with him, touching him and kissing him, having sex, etc. I’m not repulsed. But I know I’m not as physically attracted as I could be. Has anyone seen a situation like this out? Does it get better?

tl:dr - my boyfriend is perfect except I’m not super attracted to him. Does it get better?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Suitable_Good_834 on 2023-12-29 19:17:48+00:00.

i (18m) have been constantly in a pretty turbulent family, with my father (59m) and mother (54f) constantly starting explosive arguments since childhood. over time this has mellowed out, but only in the sense of there not being frequent major quarrels. the family is quite clearly split between my father and my sister (23f), and my mother, with me sort of in the middle, having to regularly be the bridge between both sides. it's been so bad that i've been instructed to ask my mother a question on my sister's behalf when all of us are literally in the same room.

i've never felt comfortable "siding" with either one of my parents, because it just never felt like it was going to bring about any good. i also don't necessarily feel like i have freedom with either side, given they both have had pretty bad tempers (my mother is a lot more explosive, ranting and raving, but my father and sister still are quite confrontational if i disagree with either of them or if i do something wrong).

my school year's quite recently concluded, and my sister's decided to book an overseas trip for me, my father and herself for over a week in mid-January. of course, this leaves out my mother, and i've been explicitly told not to tell her anything about the fact that this trip is happening. she's been suspecting that my sister has planned to go overseas (possibly by herself), but not that all of us are leaving.

at this point, i'm quite at a loss for what to do. my sister's booking flights and hotel reservations and the like, and i'm quite convinced that if i just say i don't want to go that both her and my father are going to be quite pissed about it. on the other hand, i can't imagine the sheer eruption that's going to happen for when my mother realises we're all going, and for when we arrive back. i know for sure i'm going to get caught in the middle of this, and i really just don't know what i'd do in that scenario.

it feels like i'm being forced to side with either one of my parents, and i'm going to never hear the end of it regardless of what i do. i seriously need help - i don't know where to start with this situation.

tl;dr: father and sister have been in longstanding cold war with mother, and i'm the only one that frequently talks to both sides. sister is booking a vacation soon without my mother, and her and my father have been telling me not to tell her anything about it. i fear telling them i don't want to go, and i fear the argument that'll happen after i go with them. please help me figure out what to do

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Kitchen_Sector3979 on 2023-12-29 15:17:35+00:00.

Husband and I have been together 11 years. For the entirety of my relationship I have struggled with my weight. I am currently about 20 pounds heavier than I'd like to be. Weight loss has always been a struggle, and being a short woman, my calorie goal isn't easy to meet, and one small slip up can ruin a day. I go off and on with diet, but now that we plan to try for a child in 2024 and I have been diagnosed with PCOS, I know I need to take my weight more seriously.

After all the Christmas overeating, I decided to watch my calories again this week. It's Friday today and my husband brought up a date night, especially since I'm leaving for a work trip for 2 weeks on Saturday.

Of note, we live in a pretty boring suburb without a lot of activities, our dates have always revolved around eating out, especially in winter. We went back and forth about different ideas but everything involved eating. He asked if I could just skip a meal to make room, and I told him no, I have to eat three meals a day to be functional. He expressed that it's hard to have fun together when I'm on a "diet kick". He doesn't get it, he eats whatever he wants and looks good.

I recognize the need for some fun and spontaneity in a relationship, but if I keep overeating I'll never lose any weight. How can I balance these two disparate needs?

Tl;Dr my husband wants date nights but I find them tough due to my need to stay under a certain calorie limit

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Any_Fold103 on 2023-12-29 19:14:33+00:00.

Hi guys. 26M here, and I've been in a relationship for 7 months now (25F). We get along like a house on fire, we share similar goals and interests, and I'm really starting to consider that she could be 'the one'.

I have had four previous relationships with other women, and have had a few other sexual partners/encounters in between those. While for her, she has only had one other sexual partner, with whom she was in a committed relationship with for six years.

Here is the problem: I thought we were having great sex, however, I had been picking up on slight comments that she made alluding to the fact that she was used to someone with a bigger dick. The comments she made were not obvious or malicious in any way, she just speaks without a filter, and she didn't even realise that she made me aware of this.

So, after having this eat away at me for a good few months, I eventually asked her about her ex being bigger than me (in hindsight, I wish I didn't). The conversation went quite awkwardly for both of us, she apologised, etc, etc. However, during this conversation, I was further horrified to figure out that her ex wasn't just slightly bigger - but he was in a totally different ball park to me. I have now also understood that I can't make her climax by penetrative sex, only by hand and mouth.

I have never felt insecure about my body throughout my adult/sexual life. This might be TMI, but I'm 6" long and 5" girth. Statistically speaking, bigger than average. Broadly speaking, still fairly common. I've never worried about my size until now. I genuinely believe that it's more important to be skillful rather than well endowed (been doing my research on what women think). But, I am a realistic person, and I understand that women have preferences. My girlfriend was in a relationship for SIX years with a man who had a giant penis. If she didn't like the sex with him, the relationship couldn't have lasted that long, right? And that she must have enjoyed being with a guy like this? So I'm now facing the reality that she has taken a serious downgrade in size by being with me.

My question is this: how sustainable is my relationship if I cannot satisfy her? She has said that she loves me, and I believe her. We are very well aligned. The relationship is great. But, I am worried that she is not prioritising sex enough, and that she's prioritising the fact that we just get on together really well. That may sound shallow, but I do believe that satisfying sex is important for a long and healthy relationship. Not only for her own needs - but this would also be psychologically draining for me too. I'll wrap it up there, any advice is appreciated.

TL;DR; : I can't satisfy my partner sexually, is my relationship sustainable?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Going_Solvent on 2023-12-29 19:14:22+00:00.

Dear Reddit, I've recently had this experience with an old friend of mine - someone who I've spoken with and formed a really close bond over many years. We've been friends through the birth of their children, talked at length about relationship ups and downs and generally supported eachother a lot, although perhaps they've been there for me more as I've struggled a lot after my parents died when I was in my twenties - I'm getting the impression she's now at the end of her patience, because she ghosts me periodically when I express personal feelings or enquire about things that are going on in her life, which she's spoken about to me and which I'm concerned for her for (her mum had cancer and her daughter has been quite unwell).

Recently she asked how my Christmas was and I began writing a message which was untrue, how it was nice and I was glad to be having the break etc - I stopped myself, and realised this wasn't me, and because I've been exploring in therapy the idea that I often conceal the truth of my feelings to avoid pushing people away, I rewrote the message.

The message essentially said

'Hey! My Chrismas was a bit naff if I'm honest, I've been sick for a week with flu and I went to my relatives for a few hours and whilst it was lovely to see them, and I'm grateful for the lovely meal, I was a bit upset with one of my relatives who doesn't appear to appreciate his parents (I then explained an anecdote about something that occurred with this relative and their parents which I thought illustrated this). It's hard not to feel like a spare wheel at this time of year with no parents around but I try to make the best of it. How did yours go?'

Now, silence, nothing.

I looked the next day and thought to myself 'oh shit, I think I blurted out too much' and apologised and said 'I hope she had a lovely time and the kids had fun' - the message was brief.

Still nothing.

I'm conflicted, because one hand I worry I'm pushing her away, but on the other I feel like, well isn't this what a friendship is supposed to be about? When we meet in person I hear all about her family shenanigans, the things that irritate her, the difficulties in various friendships etc and so I have felt a closeness - this closeness appears to be widening however and I'm left to interpret these non verbal cues and don't know how to proceed.

It also frustrates me how much of my sense of wellbeing is affected by the approval/disapproval of others and would like to find some kind of place of resolution for myself, but I struggle!

I wonder sometimes whether I have a kind of Aspergers, or perhaps whether the trauma of losing my parents so young has thrust me into such a totally different place to others that my struggles are unrelatable and appear alien.

Any advice appreciated

Many thanks

tl;dr: I tell the truth but worry I say too much and push people away. Are these people 'not friends' or am I saying too much?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/conanbarbarian89 on 2023-12-29 14:20:07+00:00.

I've been in a relationship for 6 years now, married for 3. Before that had some long term relationships, had sex with a couple hookers at that time when I was single - haven't been really bothered by it because it actually helped me a lot since I had major insecurities when approaching women before that.

At some point I met my wife - very much attracted to her, love her for who she is and she's definitely a person I see myself with for the rest of my life and we want the same family life, too. Sex was great at the beginning, we had different libidos as I'm horny 24/7 and for her sometimes sex 1 time a week was enough - that was OK and life was good. Now, around 3 years ago we stopped having sex due to her discomfort with regular sex - checked with a doctor who said she's physically all fine and gave her some tips but she hasn't been making any progress and broke all the deadlines she set herself with this - we just haven't had sex for 3 years (we do oral occasionally though) and we're kind of stuck there.

It got to a point where I've been hyper-frustrated sexually (which she understands as we openly talk about it) especially with how hot and attractive she is to me. Now, we've had open conversations about other things too - when we talked about funkier stuff like anal which she wouldn't want to do, she kind of gave me a pass saying something along the lines of "look, if there's something I won't do that you'd like to try it wouldn't hurt me" although I wouldn't consider it in a million years - I've always been super loyal and thought of that I'm "not that kind of person" - generally never made an important moral decision that I haven't been proud of and I had a couple of those. It got to a point where I became so physically frustrated that it became a huge issue and there's a chance I would have said "fuck it" and we would have broken up - she said she doesn't understand why I haven't broken up with her over this but I can't imagine myself with anybody else at any circumstances. So instead, a couple months ago I went and hooked up with some prostitutes that ticked off some of my bucket list -however bad it sounds. I wouldn't have done this without that f**ing pass she gave me but it doesn't really help in my head. Now I'm in a sexless marriage and this only added up to my list of issues. She told me if I ever fucked somebody else she wouldn't want to know and right now it's not even a point because I don't really want to fuck somebody else but I can't figure out how to get my marriage back on track and only have this guilt hanging over me now paired with a frustration of being with someone I absolutely adore and can't have sex with. I kind of don't know where to go from here?

**TL;DR;** : frustrated with sexless marriage, had sex with prostitutes on kind of a pass and struggling with what to do

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Former_Age_817 on 2023-12-29 14:07:24+00:00.

Have been with my f(24) bf (26) for over 1 year and he has finished only a handful of times from foreplay or sex but can finish on his own.

It’s his first relationship and he used to watch porn every day, but we agreed he’d stop. However, several months have passed and no improvement. I’m becoming more anxious and worried he’s still watching porn/wanking regularly. My biggest worry is how do I truly know he wants to prioritise our sex life over wanking and porn? On the other hand, I know he really cares about me and could be trying but nothing is working, in which case I can be ok with him the way he is.

Whilst him finishing isn’t a massive issue in itself, I’m worried these anxious thoughts will ruin the relationship for me if the problem doesn’t improve. I’m the one who initiates conversations about it and suggests things which makes me question if he is really all that bothered about fixing this.

The thought of being in a serious relationship for a long time with someone who prefers the quick release of porn/wanking over the hard route of figuring this out together is extremely scary and when I see no improvement, it’s all I can think about.

tl;dr How can I ease my anxiety about my bf never finishing (what if he’s addicted to porn)? How much longer do I wait for things to improve before ending it or how can I learn to be ok with it and trust he’s not just watching porn instead of addressing the issue?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/vall3ygirl on 2023-12-29 13:22:22+00:00.

I don't know what's true, who to believe or who's lying.I'm (29F) not allowed to sleep over at my boyfriend's (24M) house. I would think my mom won't let me and she's just making shit up so I don't think she's a horrible person and get angry at her, but who knows?

We've been dating since August, official since October.My boyfriend asked if she'd allow me to stay the night at his house. Knowing my mom, I was like LMAOOOOO no way. But I asked anyway and she weirdly surprised me with "I don't see a problem with it".

See, the reason why I predicted she'd give me an automatic no is that she treats me like a teenager, refuses to see that I'm a grown woman (despite living with her, it's for financial reasons, I don't make enough money at my job which I've had for 4 years) to move out on top of rent and paying my own bills. She treats me like a child, and she's very against me having premarital sex even though she did before she and my dad were married so she's no one to judge. She doesn't know that I lost my virginity last month. I've actually woken up in the middle of the night from a nightmare about her finding out, heart beating fast and covered in sweat. But that's another story.I feel that she's trying to prevent me from having sex by not allowing me to spend the night with him. But I told him that she told me "I don't see a problem with it", so we were planning a weekend. Fine, fine. But his mother and my mother went out to dinner with us at an Italian place, and while he and I were talking they were talking and supposedly my mom brought it up to his mom. (Since when do grown adults, aka not minors, need permission?!) and my mom told me that his mom said that's not happening and is never gonna happen, that HIS mom won't allow me to spend the night.My mom told me that his mom told her that.I don't know whether I believe her or not, or she's making shitty excuses.

Because I told my boyfriend that, he looked very weirded out, laughed and told me that's not true. He basically said my mom is lying to me. I believe him over her because I know she's weird.I told her what he told me. "I'll have to have a talk with his mom, then."???????

She told ME "I don't want any pregnancies." Knowing I'm on birth control pills. So she's telling me that his mom forbids sleepovers but then justifies herself? Who's telling the truth?

I told her "his house isn't going to make a difference whether we have sex or not. If we wanted to do that, we could literally do it anywhere." Her: "Mmmm", like a passive-aggressive doubtful skeptical noise.

I almost felt like telling her it already happened, but that probably wouldn't go down well and she'd probably treat him differently/take it out on him.

Also, his sister is allowed to have sleepovers with her boyfriend at home all the time. So her boyfriend is allowed to spend the night there but I'm not? Make it make sense.

If my mom ISN'T lying, I think it's really stupid and childish to prevent an adult woman and an adult man from sleeping together. We literally had sex (silently) on his couch after everyone was asleep upstairs, sleeping isn't going to make any difference. We'd literally be watching late night movies and sleeping. I never get to spend enough time with him because of our work schedules, I think that would be good for us as a couple. That's what we want.

My first time was in a car because no one will let us sleep together. I didn't get to have the romantic experience of candles and sheets because my mom controls where I go and for how long. I hope she'll be happy when she finds that out, because she told me not to have my first time in a car. It was that or nothing. Yeah, I'm kinda sad but he still wants to do that for me. But then we'd probably have to wait 2 or 3 years to get married, and I refuse to have my life controlled by religion and purity culture. Just because someone else has old-school, dated Catholic beliefs doesn't mean I want to live by those old ideals.

I don't know what my mom would do if I just didn't come home. Blow up my phone, stalk me, have my dad come to collect me and bring me back home, confront his family, call the police? Have a mega fit and make a big scene?

Anyway, I hate purity culture and organized religion making people think they can police and gatekeep a woman's body and take away her choice.

TL;DR My mom and my boyfriend's mom won't allow us to sleep together even though we're adults and I'm pissed about it. Is there a way around it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fast_Emu3781 on 2023-12-29 08:31:52+00:00.

My boyfriend 27m and I 26F have been together for 6 months now and I need advice on how to handle something.

We have been together 6 months now. I have a year sober from Heroin and he had 4 years sober when we first got together. I set strict ground rules in the beginning that if either one of us relapsed we would tell each other. 2 months ago I found out he relapsed not because he told me but because I went thru his phone after I found money missing from my car. I told him I was done and that i wasn’t doing a relationship with an active user. He broke down and promised me it wouldn’t happen again. So I stayed and decided to trust him. Over the next few weeks there would be times he would disappear to the bathroom for 45 mins saying he was showering. So again I got suspicious and decided to go thru his phone he was deleting messages from the plug and he had gotten high probably 10 More times at this point. I started packing my shit because I was fuming that he wouldn’t just talk to me In which he replyd that he feels like he can’t talk to me cause I’ll leave. He was lying about it because I kept asking him and he’d basically make it seem like I was crazy for even thinking that. Again we talked it out and I helped him detox from home. Things were good for the next month or so until a few days ago where I started getting suspicious again. He promised me last time he would talk to me if he felt like getting Hugh again. I asked him if he was doing shit again and he denied it. I went to look thru his phone yesterday and he had changed the password. Tonight he “fell” asleep with his phone open. Sitting up and that’s when I knew he was probably high so I looked thru his phone and I went to the recover messages and the plugs name was the first to pop up and he went to see him tonight and another 10 times since we last talked. Here’s my problem he’s a fucking liar he can’t tell me the truth and I don’t trust a word he tells me anymore. I already know when I confront him about it today it’s gonna be the same thing of him saying I’m done and won’t do it again but I feel like 3 chances are enough and at this point he’s jeopardizing my recovery. I love him but I do not trust him at all. My question is do I need to leave and cut my loses or trust him again . Sorry for the long paragraph

TLDR;- 27M and 26F been together 6 months. Both in recovery when we first got together. Boyfriend relapsed and keeps lying about being clean. Should I leave?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/taysonny on 2023-12-29 18:58:24+00:00.

We’ve been dating for a few months. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, we think so similarly and have the same goals for our future. The one thing is that I’m not insanely attracted to him. I don’t know what to do. I still like being affectionate with him, touching him and kissing him, having sex, etc. I’m not repulsed. But I know I’m not as physically attracted as I could be. Has anyone seen a situation like this out? Does it get better?

tl:dr - my boyfriend is perfect except I’m not super attracted to him. Does it get better?