Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Cashivax on 2023-12-29 08:24:39+00:00.

Hey people,

Last year was kinda tough for me (F26) A friend died and I started spending more time with two male friends of mine, which my boyfriend of 8 years (30) was fine with. I had a lot going on in my mind, so I kinda just…. Pushed that away and didn’t think about it. Back then I had bad thoughts about living and wasn’t really myself.

On one evening my two friends and I had some drinks and things were funny, but somehow at some point one of my friends ended up massaging my legs. He has a girlfriend and child himself, and seemed pretty happy with them, so I don’t think he meant it in a romantic way. Of course I can’t guarantee this, but I think so.

I didn’t second guess it back then.

But now that this memory randomly came back to surface, it almost feels like I cheated on my bf. Even though my intentions weren’t romantic either, it feels awful to just let someone get „this“ close to me. I stopped that at some point by myself, but still.

I mean, if I paid for a professional massage I’d see it differently I guess, but something about this just bothers me so much.

Since we all are going to meet up for new years eve I started to feel anxious about if I should tell him beforehand, so he can decide whether he still wants to spend the evening with them.

What do you think about this?

tl:dr I let a friend of mine massage my legs one evening, I feel like I cheated on my bf even though „nothing“ else happened. What should I do?

EDIT: I talked to him this evening and he was so understanding and we could solve it. Case closed, thank you so much for all of your time! Everything is fine ❤️

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/djdjjsjssisue on 2023-12-28 21:46:50+00:00.

i’ve been out with this guy once and agreed to a 2nd date but i want to back out and don’t know how. we’ve been taking for 2 months, he was great on the date but stuff in my life has been going wrong (dog in er multiple times and car died) and we haven’t had a chance to go out again and he’s giving me the ick.

after the date he brought up how he liked that i was more “dominant and fierce” (his words), he asked me to rate our date, when i said sorry it’s been taking me a bit to reply he said he was “sure i’d do better”, when i literally had the worst day ever and said i wanted to go home and crash he invited me out which i don’t think was bad i was just annoyed he asked when i clearly didn’t want to prior, idk it’s just a bunch of little instances. i responded to his merry christmas text but haven’t replied since and he texted me today asking how things are going.

how do i say i’m just not interested after i maintained conversation so long after the 1st date?

TLDR: guy is giving me the ick but i’ve already agreed to go out again and idk how to back out

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Spiritual-Deer-7662 on 2023-12-29 16:25:24+00:00.

Please don t post it elsewhere.

End of october, a "friend' (30M) contacted me because they urgently needed ro get away from their shared house because his flatmates were "psychos harrassing him and his pets, nd he was not feeling safe anymore'.

As a good friend I accepted and that s when things started to go downhill. Basically, despite being a guest, he acts either likelike a damned know it all teenager and I m his mom/maid or like he owns the place.... for example :

• when I reinforced the fact there was a set deadline for him to get gis shit together and move out, he spent 2 days giving me acting passive aggressive, slamming dooes and ignoring me in my own house.
• i have a cleaning lady that comes every 2 weeks and he started to complain about how she s slow, he is not aatisfied with how she cleans and rant about how id she s a cleaning lady she should be fit and not chubby because it s a physical job. Keep in mind that he does not pay her or anything for that matter.
• complained a few time that I did not cook for him and that it s selfish of me not to have food out and ready for him when he comes back from the gym at night because he s hungry and he did cook chicken broth 2 times and I took some when he offered ....
• complained about my huskies being huskies (ie loud and dramatic at times) and me spending a minimum of 2h a day training them when he s barely taking care of his pets and they are being disruptive but hey they are his cute pets so it s not an issue
• one of the conditions for him being there that was set from the begining was that if I had to be out he d watch over my pets and take them for walks 1 time per week. Well, this has not happened and last time I had to be out he just ignored the dogs while one of them had an upset tummy and I came back to diarreah all over the corridor. This pup does ask for the dog and gets really loud and restless ... i ended up cleaning the corridor while he just looked at me do it. To top this off, he recently has asked me to pay him to walk my dogs when he s not paying a cent towards anything ....

Why did I not kick him out right away ? Well, he gaslit me quite a bit in the beginning, acted normal and all and I m just also now scared about how unhiged and violent he d get with me. He s also a recovering addict and had been relying a lot on me for support on his way to sobriety.

The ordeal is coming to an end for me in about 5 days but I wonder if I d be the asshole to just disappear completely from their life when I know he s relied on me so much on his quest for sobriety and he d basically have no one ....

Dear stangers, what would you do ? If you have gone through something similar, what s your advixe nabigating this ?

TL;DR; : I m considering going no contact with a "friend" who s been living with me for a couple of month and has been a nightmare for me. I have been their sole support through their sobriety journey and I feel bad. What s your advice, what do you think, what would you do ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Educational_Emu_4377 on 2023-12-29 15:31:07+00:00.

Hi, I started to work in a very small town's hospital about 3 months ago. The town is very far away from home and first day when i met my manager he said that he is aware that we would feel like alien sometimes and he doesn't want that happen so always ready to aim -at or out hospital. We started to work about 30 workers. In those time he arranged ice-break brunches, work meetings and he was really nice and caring to all of us. I was getting along w/ everybody, we were joking each other and chuckling so much. One of those days my manager said he liked my energy and patted my shoulder. I'm a people person and that was not the first time somebody said that to me so i smiled and back at to him. Since then, he was getting closer day by day, little chit-chats on every opportunity, subtle semi-hugs, teasing me about my women rights activism politely etc. Out of 30 guy he added only ME on ig and liked every story that i shared. I'm not gonna lie, it was flattering all those interest and i was happy and maybe did a little bit fancy him... Than one day he deleted me on ig out of blue and it catched me off guard. If he was an ordinary guy i would never care but after all he was also my boss... so i decided to confront and ask him what the problem was. I texted that i wanna talk to him if he had 10 mins, he replied he was in his room and available. When we once started to talk everthing was normal, he said that it was a system problem and some of his friends deleted from his account too. Then he mentioned my new lip filler, asked why did i get that. Was that really necessary? I was confused, asked him if it looks bad or smth. He replied, 'No, but... doesn't it make your lips numb?' I said 'No'. He smiled and said 'So you tried?' I don't know if it's okay or not but in years, i developed a defence mechanism against that kind of behaviour. If a man implies that i look/am sltty, i prove them right. I become a slttier b*tch so they have to back off. But this time that didn't work because he was my boss and i couldn't cross some lines. So i said 'Yes, yes i tried' and smiled. -omg i still hate myself for that- Yet again he didn't expect that answer... -So, you feminists have no problem talking about these things. +Yes, yes i have no problem.

So you're sayin' you tried... I'm glad it did't cause a trouble. +Yeah, i was kiddin' tho. I absolutely can feel them when i'm eating/drinking smth. -Oh, now you're shy. You're much less feminist than i expected :) +I'm not gonna buy this :) -Actually, i can make you buy this but i'm not gonna push any border anymore ;) ... Ok, i feel like shit. I ridiculed myself just to avoid awkward silence - since the only thing he deserves. Now he's keep asking me go out and drink smth and 'live in the moment'. Help me guys, how can i refuse him and also not become strangers with him? Bc i really need this job and i don't wanna deal some kind of mobbing. Thanks anyway <3

** TL; DR; ** My manager is hitting on me and i don't know how to stop him by not getting things worse

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RSPKM on 2023-12-29 15:13:49+00:00.

I'm in my late 20s. My father passed away almost a decade ago when I was still a teenager. Since my dad passed away, my mom has been able to make the most money she's ever made. She's from a third world country, frequently goes over there and spends a lot of money in building churches, having giveaways, and donating to the less fortunate.

I've recently learned that she's going to be gifted a large sum of money (millions), from one of her old bosses. I know the boss is good for it, because they bought my mom a house right around the time my dad passed away. This same boss would also pay for vacations and stuff like that when I was growing up.

My current situation: I live in the US, and I made about $115k (gross) this past year. I have $60,000 in student loans between a BS and MS, and about $20,000 remaining on a modest car. I work a fairly "dangerous" job; I've had coworkers shot at work.

At the end of the day, it's my mom's money and she can do whatever she wants with it. I get it. But at the same time, I'm her only child and if it's life changing money I feel like she should at least invest it for the sake of her (unborn) grandchild(ren). I would like to stop working, as my job has been doing a lot on my mental health.

Her benefactors come from "old money", are politically connected (I've met several politicians over the years from both sides of the aisle) and I believe this money is going to be in the multi-million range. I tried to get an exact number from her but she keeps talking about "Money isn't everything, God put us here to help the poor" Which is wonderful, but I am also her son. I'm thinking it's going to be between 3-5M.

How can I convince her to put this money into investment vehicles so it'll be around for a while?

TLDR; my mom is coming into millions of dollars and won't share with me necessarily, how do I get her to invest it wisely?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RSPKM on 2023-12-29 15:13:49+00:00.

I'm in my late 20s. My father passed away almost a decade ago when I was still a teenager. Since my dad passed away, my mom has been able to make the most money she's ever made. She's from a third world country, frequently goes over there and spends a lot of money in building churches, having giveaways, and donating to the less fortunate.

I've recently learned that she's going to be gifted a large sum of money (millions), from one of her old bosses. I know the boss is good for it, because they bought my mom a house right around the time my dad passed away. This same boss would also pay for vacations and stuff like that when I was growing up.

My current situation: I live in the US, and I made about $115k (gross) this past year. I have $60,000 in student loans between a BS and MS, and about $20,000 remaining on a modest car. I work a fairly "dangerous" job; I've had coworkers shot at work.

At the end of the day, it's my mom's money and she can do whatever she wants with it. I get it. But at the same time, I'm her only child and if it's life changing money I feel like she should at least invest it for the sake of her (unborn) grandchild(ren). I would like to stop working, as my job has been doing a lot on my mental health.

Her benefactors come from "old money", are politically connected (I've met several politicians over the years from both sides of the aisle) and I believe this money is going to be in the multi-million range. I tried to get an exact number from her but she keeps talking about "Money isn't everything, God put us here to help the poor" Which is wonderful, but I am also her son. I'm thinking it's going to be between 3-5M.

How can I convince her to put this money into investment vehicles so it'll be around for a while?

TLDR; my mom is coming into millions of dollars and won't share with me necessarily, how do I get her to invest it wisely?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Aromatic-Guava-6363 on 2023-12-29 15:13:34+00:00.

So I just recently discovered, after being with my bf of four months, that he doesn't like to be touched (hair, face, etc). I had no idea and never observed any sort of pushback, flinching, etc. I want to be accommodating to him but he thinks it's silly that I want to adjust my behaviors and he says it's something he needs to overcome and thinks he can with "repeated exposure". I'm not quite sure that's the right way to handle it. How should I approach this moving forward, as I understand both perspectives?

TL;DR- My bf recently admitted he doesn't like to be touched but doesn't want me to change how I act.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bethyh96 on 2023-12-29 14:37:09+00:00.

Me and my fiancé had been together 8 years for context. So just over a month ago my fiancé (m28) came home from work and said we need to talk, we need to break up so i can work on some things. Naturally I (f27) was devastated and completely blindsided by this as it came from no where. We had just bought a house together (that he pushed for) and had our wedding venue all booked for October. He said he needed time and space to get his head sorted and began counselling that week. I didn’t know what to do at all. I was worried about him (he’s had mental health issues for a long time) but also no clue how to help myself. We began spending less and less time together but still living in the house together and he still wanted to spend evenings together, and even slept in my bed most nights still.

Fast forward a few weeks and we had a really lovely week together to the extent that I felt pretty confident we were going to be ok and get back together in some form. But then he called me to say his mum had unexpectedly died. Now I was even more shocked, what the hell am I meant to do? I packed a bag for him and me and we went to his family home, and have been there for two weeks now. But I don’t know how to navigate this awkward time and still be supportive for him. I have to go back to work on Tuesday and I feel he’s already pushing me away. How do I protect myself emotionally whilst also being there for him?

I desperately need advice on this whole situation.

TLDR: fiancé broke up with me out of nowhere, we were trying to work on things then his mum died. How to proceed?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bethyh96 on 2023-12-29 14:37:09+00:00.

Me and my fiancé had been together 8 years for context. So just over a month ago my fiancé (m28) came home from work and said we need to talk, we need to break up so i can work on some things. Naturally I (f27) was devastated and completely blindsided by this as it came from no where. We had just bought a house together (that he pushed for) and had our wedding venue all booked for October. He said he needed time and space to get his head sorted and began counselling that week. I didn’t know what to do at all. I was worried about him (he’s had mental health issues for a long time) but also no clue how to help myself. We began spending less and less time together but still living in the house together and he still wanted to spend evenings together, and even slept in my bed most nights still.

Fast forward a few weeks and we had a really lovely week together to the extent that I felt pretty confident we were going to be ok and get back together in some form. But then he called me to say his mum had unexpectedly died. Now I was even more shocked, what the hell am I meant to do? I packed a bag for him and me and we went to his family home, and have been there for two weeks now. But I don’t know how to navigate this awkward time and still be supportive for him. I have to go back to work on Tuesday and I feel he’s already pushing me away. How do I protect myself emotionally whilst also being there for him?

I desperately need advice on this whole situation.

TLDR: fiancé broke up with me out of nowhere, we were trying to work on things then his mum died. How to proceed?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cryphone12 on 2023-12-29 14:15:47+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now, he is polite and gentle and kind. He loves me, always reminds me how beautiful I am. He is very patient and sweet, with a calming nature. But he is very childlike, which initially I found endearing; but now is too much.

We moved in to an apartment together a year ago, we have until summer left on our lease. Since moving in together it has come to my attention he is very coddled by his Mom, on a level of severity I hadn’t noticed whilst we were both living at home. Sure, I knew he needed a bit of polishing up in places, as did I - neither of us are perfect. But I didn’t expect to be (what I feel is) almost raising him in certain aspects that I feel aren’t my responsibility. He does try. He does want to learn. But I don’t feel it’s my job to teach him.

Since we moved I have had to teach him very simple and basic tasks, such as how to use a stove, how to wash his hands after using the bathroom. I have had to teach him how to use a washer, how to shower and groom himself properly. He cannot cook, change sheets, he has never cooked a meal for me. When we first moved in together I would find boogers on our new furniture. I told him about this after multiple incidents and he did stop, but the fact it happened at all has ruined some of the chemistry. Also things like not cutting his toenails, farting whilst we eat a meal, butt scratching, coughing/sneezing without covering, skids in his pants etc, I didn’t notice a single one of these things when we lived at home, only once we had moved in, where I think he is now too comfortable. This put me off of him sexually. I couldn’t tell you the last time we made out or had sex. Neither of us initiate anything. All effort and change at this point feels too late and it breaks my heart, but that’s how I feel. I feel like because we got together when I was 20 and he was 26, my entire adult life has been with him, I wonder who I am beyond us.

I feel romantically for him, we have been together so long and have a deep connection. But he is so much older than me, he has had his twenties, given to him by his Mom and Dad who gave him everything, money, a car, vacations. I see texts on his phone to his mom “I love you mommy <3 <3 ”, she still buys all his clothes, she is obsessed with him. He has travelled the world and experienced young life. I don’t know how prepared I am to give up any more of my twenties to give him an easy thirties. We split every purchase/bill 50/50 apart from rent where he pays a little more than I, we also both work full time, I earn about $3k less per year than he does. All communication with the landlord, issues in our property I handle. All DIY in our home is me. All cooking and cleaning, groceries etc are by me. Planning dinners, cooking, cleaning, storage etc is by me. He does the dishes; which I sometimes have to redo after him when not done properly, he takes out the trash, he puts crockery and cutlery away and wipes the table after meals, but that is it. Legalities/chores have always fallen on my shoulders to do. He brings me pretty flowers sometimes but I just don’t feel sexy or womanly I feel like a single Mom and I told him this. It breaks my heart because I love him so much as a person, but I am struggling to get past certain things that I have discovered since moving in. I am scared if we split up that I will regret it, but I’m not happy where I am in my life. I’m having trouble coming to terms with a few things:

• We worked so hard to move out into our apartment together. We moved to a new city, we love our apartment. We have probably spent around $4-5k on joint purchases. Grill me, rookie mistake joining finances, first time renters, I know. But I am too young to be living a housewife lifestyle. I wanted this life initially, I loved the thought of our own home, but on doing so, I’ve realised I actually don’t enjoy it as much as I thought.
• I am scared I’ll regret throwing everything away. I’m scared I’ll miss him, that I won’t ever feel love again, I don’t want to break his heart. He says I am the only one for him. It hurts me because in my Christmas card he wrote “I’m so happy to share our first Christmas together just me and you, and over the years the company will only grow as the years go by”. He still sees a future together. I am scared I’ll hit his age and regret not investing in myself, in travelling the world just like he has and building a career. I have 1 life.
• He is my first boyfriend I’ve ever had. I feel like I’ve only experienced my adult life with him, and I want to experience life myself, find myself BY myself, invest in myself, meet new people, learn more about myself. I feel like I’ve outgrown us. I have lost a fair part of the chemistry due to certain things, feeling like a maternal figure to him rather than a girlfriend, etc. He is aware of these things. I feel guilty because I feel like I am ripping the future he sees with me away from him, he’s 30 and thinking we’ve taken the step to settle, marry etc. I have only now realised since moving, that I am going to rip away my OWN future if I settle, marry and have kids now. I have things I want to do.
• I fear the breakup itself. I am scared of the emotions I’ll feel, that he will feel. I’m TERRIFIED of regretting it, of losing him forever. But when I think about the end of the relationship, as much as I feel pain, I feel some kind of relief.
• Our lease ends in the summer. We have no way of breaking the lease, we must pay the remainder of our lease until summer. I’m scared of having to wait so long to have this conversation with him. If I tell him this too early I’m scared he will leave, and I will be left with the whole apartment to cover, I can’t afford that. But I’m struggling to go on, we have to let the landlord know whether we want to renew our lease or not by the spring. I’m struggling with the idea of holding on till then.
• Since we first got together he has called me his treasure, the only woman in the world for him. He loves me almost obsessively, I have felt this way since the start, but have never mentioned it to him. As he is my first relationship I thought this was the normal level of love to receive. He tells me if we were ever to split there would be no life for him past that point. I don’t want to hurt him. He drinks when he is upset to the point of being unable to talk/stand/pukes a lot. I am scared of what he’ll do to himself. I care about him.
• My own problems - I get blunt and harsh when he does things I feel I shouldn’t have to teach him, I’ve told him this. I know it hurts him. This isn’t fair on him and I want to set him free from this. He isn’t happy trying to be someone he’s not. I need to work on myself.

I dunno what to do. Is this worth breaking up for? I’m so tired. Is it worth trying to change him? I miss being free. I’ve been crying every day for a month, that was the time I started accepting my feelings.

tl;dr - Bf and I are struggling since moving in together. I love him and he loves me, but I feel like a Mom. I’m struggling with the idea of using any more of my twenties. Help.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cryphone12 on 2023-12-29 14:15:47+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now, he is polite and gentle and kind. He loves me, always reminds me how beautiful I am. He is very patient and sweet, with a calming nature. But he is very childlike, which initially I found endearing; but now is too much.

We moved in to an apartment together a year ago, we have until summer left on our lease. Since moving in together it has come to my attention he is very coddled by his Mom, on a level of severity I hadn’t noticed whilst we were both living at home. Sure, I knew he needed a bit of polishing up in places, as did I - neither of us are perfect. But I didn’t expect to be (what I feel is) almost raising him in certain aspects that I feel aren’t my responsibility. He does try. He does want to learn. But I don’t feel it’s my job to teach him.

Since we moved I have had to teach him very simple and basic tasks, such as how to use a stove, how to wash his hands after using the bathroom. I have had to teach him how to use a washer, how to shower and groom himself properly. He cannot cook, change sheets, he has never cooked a meal for me. When we first moved in together I would find boogers on our new furniture. I told him about this after multiple incidents and he did stop, but the fact it happened at all has ruined some of the chemistry. Also things like not cutting his toenails, farting whilst we eat a meal, butt scratching, coughing/sneezing without covering, skids in his pants etc, I didn’t notice a single one of these things when we lived at home, only once we had moved in, where I think he is now too comfortable. This put me off of him sexually. I couldn’t tell you the last time we made out or had sex. Neither of us initiate anything. All effort and change at this point feels too late and it breaks my heart, but that’s how I feel. I feel like because we got together when I was 20 and he was 26, my entire adult life has been with him, I wonder who I am beyond us.

I feel romantically for him, we have been together so long and have a deep connection. But he is so much older than me, he has had his twenties, given to him by his Mom and Dad who gave him everything, money, a car, vacations. I see texts on his phone to his mom “I love you mommy <3 <3 ”, she still buys all his clothes, she is obsessed with him. He has travelled the world and experienced young life. I don’t know how prepared I am to give up any more of my twenties to give him an easy thirties. We split every purchase/bill 50/50 apart from rent where he pays a little more than I, we also both work full time, I earn about $3k less per year than he does. All communication with the landlord, issues in our property I handle. All DIY in our home is me. All cooking and cleaning, groceries etc are by me. Planning dinners, cooking, cleaning, storage etc is by me. He does the dishes; which I sometimes have to redo after him when not done properly, he takes out the trash, he puts crockery and cutlery away and wipes the table after meals, but that is it. Legalities/chores have always fallen on my shoulders to do. He brings me pretty flowers sometimes but I just don’t feel sexy or womanly I feel like a single Mom and I told him this. It breaks my heart because I love him so much as a person, but I am struggling to get past certain things that I have discovered since moving in. I am scared if we split up that I will regret it, but I’m not happy where I am in my life. I’m having trouble coming to terms with a few things:

• We worked so hard to move out into our apartment together. We moved to a new city, we love our apartment. We have probably spent around $4-5k on joint purchases. Grill me, rookie mistake joining finances, first time renters, I know. But I am too young to be living a housewife lifestyle. I wanted this life initially, I loved the thought of our own home, but on doing so, I’ve realised I actually don’t enjoy it as much as I thought.
• I am scared I’ll regret throwing everything away. I’m scared I’ll miss him, that I won’t ever feel love again, I don’t want to break his heart. He says I am the only one for him. It hurts me because in my Christmas card he wrote “I’m so happy to share our first Christmas together just me and you, and over the years the company will only grow as the years go by”. He still sees a future together. I am scared I’ll hit his age and regret not investing in myself, in travelling the world just like he has and building a career. I have 1 life.
• He is my first boyfriend I’ve ever had. I feel like I’ve only experienced my adult life with him, and I want to experience life myself, find myself BY myself, invest in myself, meet new people, learn more about myself. I feel like I’ve outgrown us. I have lost a fair part of the chemistry due to certain things, feeling like a maternal figure to him rather than a girlfriend, etc. He is aware of these things. I feel guilty because I feel like I am ripping the future he sees with me away from him, he’s 30 and thinking we’ve taken the step to settle, marry etc. I have only now realised since moving, that I am going to rip away my OWN future if I settle, marry and have kids now. I have things I want to do.
• I fear the breakup itself. I am scared of the emotions I’ll feel, that he will feel. I’m TERRIFIED of regretting it, of losing him forever. But when I think about the end of the relationship, as much as I feel pain, I feel some kind of relief.
• Our lease ends in the summer. We have no way of breaking the lease, we must pay the remainder of our lease until summer. I’m scared of having to wait so long to have this conversation with him. If I tell him this too early I’m scared he will leave, and I will be left with the whole apartment to cover, I can’t afford that. But I’m struggling to go on, we have to let the landlord know whether we want to renew our lease or not by the spring. I’m struggling with the idea of holding on till then.
• Since we first got together he has called me his treasure, the only woman in the world for him. He loves me almost obsessively, I have felt this way since the start, but have never mentioned it to him. As he is my first relationship I thought this was the normal level of love to receive. He tells me if we were ever to split there would be no life for him past that point. I don’t want to hurt him. He drinks when he is upset to the point of being unable to talk/stand/pukes a lot. I am scared of what he’ll do to himself. I care about him.
• My own problems - I get blunt and harsh when he does things I feel I shouldn’t have to teach him, I’ve told him this. I know it hurts him. This isn’t fair on him and I want to set him free from this. He isn’t happy trying to be someone he’s not. I need to work on myself.

I dunno what to do. Is this worth breaking up for? I’m so tired. Is it worth trying to change him? I miss being free. I’ve been crying every day for a month, that was the time I started accepting my feelings.

tl;dr - Bf and I are struggling since moving in together. I love him and he loves me, but I feel like a Mom. I’m struggling with the idea of using any more of my twenties. Help.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/dontlistentostace on 2023-12-29 12:53:26+00:00.

Birthday bummer

I (32F) just had my bday yesterday. I spent a lovely day with my husband and then went to dinner with him and some friends. We had spent the night before with my family celebrating my birthday. The issue I’m struggling with is that no one in my family reached out on my actual birthday except for one brother. I have three other brothers and my parents. Not one call, text, or email from any of them. Just pretty bummed about it but I don’t want that to overshadow my bday. I’ve just had a long history of disappointment from my fam so I shouldn’t be surprised, but it still hurts.

Tl;dr Celebrated bday with fam the night before my birthday. Didn’t get any birthday messages from them the day of my birthday.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KingDominion12 on 2023-12-29 14:03:00+00:00.

This post goes as the title says, my gf wants to join a dating website. Not really specified, but to find a female gym partner. I think it's a terrible idea. She would be posting herself as a male looking for female gym partners, having her profile pictures as herself so women know what they're getting into. Do you guys have any opinions as to why this is a good or bad idea?

Gf wants to join a gym, and I'm more than happy to do it with her because I need to be in shape as well, but apparently she wants to find a female gym partner and that's fine. But I really think that joining a dating website to find a gym partner is just in general a bad idea. Joining any dating site is a red flag to me, but she's adamant that she just wants to find a gym partner.

Tl;Dr gf wants to join a dating website but I think it's a dumb idea.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/aitabride420 on 2023-12-29 13:35:35+00:00.

Exactly as the title states!

The last 5 months or so we have been struggling (together 5 years, married 1) It started with a pregnancy scare. It got so bad he wouldn't talk to me for 3 weeks and insisted on marriage counselling. It seemed to help, our sex life was better than ever, he was back to sleeping in the bedroom with me, but he was still distant. He told me he was just overwhelmed with everything and was experiencing autistic burnout, i believed him and gave him space, even spending 2-3 nights a week out of the house.

Then our 1 year anniversary came and he tried to kill himself. Wouldn't accept any help. Refused to go on our belated honey moon so I went with my damn grandma. He then decided he was going to take a boys trip to Canada for a week, and use his last paycheck for it since he was fired from his job the day after our 1 year anniversary, and it took a few weeks for them to mail his final check.

While there he blocked me on everything. I didn't want to believe it, but now it makes sense why my phone calls went immediately to voice mail, but his moms/my friends rang and got through. He came home from canada (on our 5 year dating anniversary, actually)I asked him why he hasnt been wearing his ring since counselling months ago. he said and i quote "im sorry but this isnt for me. I want to be alone. I dont want all this responsibility of working and up keeping a house and wife." So, he left me with a broken AC, a broken water heater, a sink that doesn't drain, a fence thats been down since the last hurricane, and more. (all things he has been telling me "my dad is gunna come help and do this" or "im doing it this weekend!"

He does not want to live with his mom because he does not want to live by her rules (no video games, normal sleep schedule, find a job, ect) So he's been living in my shed for 3+ weeks. Per his request. (its his finished man cave, he spent more time in there than in the house anyway, he has 24/7 access to the house for kitchen, bathroom/ect).

Last night the police came to my door and asked for him. when i asked what was going on and said i was his wife, they said "oh you're the one who emailed us" obviously i said absolutely not what are you talking about? and was told "we got an email from his fiancee that there was an argument and he threatened to hurt himself. We are here for a wellness check"

Now it makes sense. Why he was distant, why he couldnt finish when we would have sex for the last few months, why he was on his phone more often, why he was more secretive with his phone, why he was hiding money, why he went to canada, why when i picked him up he slipped up 2x with "we just landed" "we are getting off the plane" and wouldnt say who "we" was, why when i reached out to his friend he was supposed to be in canda with, blocked me immediately when i reached out, it just all makes sense, and i feel like a fucking idiot.

For reference im an average woman, I'm in to motorcycles, guns, full of tattoos, ect. He was enamored with the fact i was a motorcycle mechanic when we met, but none of these hobbies lined up with his. he was a gamer nerd. Im almost positive he left me for an online gamer chick or even a dude because he has always been in to transgender porn and butt stuff so I just dont know what to do.

Im so frustrated, i just want him out of my shed. I dont know what to do, Charge him rent? have him evicted? get a lawyer (but honestly i cannot afford one?) ? Im afraid to confront him to much and have him turn petty. (im afraid of this because i had an AC company at the house and he immediately texted me "how are you paying for the AC" like hes trying to find out im hiding money or something he can come after, when in reality the owner of the company i work for - construction - is a saint and has taken some pity on me and is fixing up my house!!) This is my first divorce and i have absolutely no clue what i am doing. I really thought he would just sign the papers and this would be an easy amicable split, but he hasnt signed them since i gave them to him on 12/12

TL,DR - The cops showed up and told me my husbands fiancee sent an email that they got in an argument and he threatened to kill himself. Pretty sure hes been cheating for a while, hes been living in my shed for weeks as a separation and i feel so stuck

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/aitabride420 on 2023-12-29 13:35:35+00:00.

Exactly as the title states!

The last 5 months or so we have been struggling (together 5 years, married 1) It started with a pregnancy scare. It got so bad he wouldn't talk to me for 3 weeks and insisted on marriage counselling. It seemed to help, our sex life was better than ever, he was back to sleeping in the bedroom with me, but he was still distant. He told me he was just overwhelmed with everything and was experiencing autistic burnout, i believed him and gave him space, even spending 2-3 nights a week out of the house.

Then our 1 year anniversary came and he tried to kill himself. Wouldn't accept any help. Refused to go on our belated honey moon so I went with my damn grandma. He then decided he was going to take a boys trip to Canada for a week, and use his last paycheck for it since he was fired from his job the day after our 1 year anniversary, and it took a few weeks for them to mail his final check.

While there he blocked me on everything. I didn't want to believe it, but now it makes sense why my phone calls went immediately to voice mail, but his moms/my friends rang and got through. He came home from canada (on our 5 year dating anniversary, actually)I asked him why he hasnt been wearing his ring since counselling months ago. he said and i quote "im sorry but this isnt for me. I want to be alone. I dont want all this responsibility of working and up keeping a house and wife." So, he left me with a broken AC, a broken water heater, a sink that doesn't drain, a fence thats been down since the last hurricane, and more. (all things he has been telling me "my dad is gunna come help and do this" or "im doing it this weekend!"

He does not want to live with his mom because he does not want to live by her rules (no video games, normal sleep schedule, find a job, ect) So he's been living in my shed for 3+ weeks. Per his request. (its his finished man cave, he spent more time in there than in the house anyway, he has 24/7 access to the house for kitchen, bathroom/ect).

Last night the police came to my door and asked for him. when i asked what was going on and said i was his wife, they said "oh you're the one who emailed us" obviously i said absolutely not what are you talking about? and was told "we got an email from his fiancee that there was an argument and he threatened to hurt himself. We are here for a wellness check"

Now it makes sense. Why he was distant, why he couldnt finish when we would have sex for the last few months, why he was on his phone more often, why he was more secretive with his phone, why he was hiding money, why he went to canada, why when i picked him up he slipped up 2x with "we just landed" "we are getting off the plane" and wouldnt say who "we" was, why when i reached out to his friend he was supposed to be in canda with, blocked me immediately when i reached out, it just all makes sense, and i feel like a fucking idiot.

For reference im an average woman, I'm in to motorcycles, guns, full of tattoos, ect. He was enamored with the fact i was a motorcycle mechanic when we met, but none of these hobbies lined up with his. he was a gamer nerd. Im almost positive he left me for an online gamer chick or even a dude because he has always been in to transgender porn and butt stuff so I just dont know what to do.

Im so frustrated, i just want him out of my shed. I dont know what to do, Charge him rent? have him evicted? get a lawyer (but honestly i cannot afford one?) ? Im afraid to confront him to much and have him turn petty. (im afraid of this because i had an AC company at the house and he immediately texted me "how are you paying for the AC" like hes trying to find out im hiding money or something he can come after, when in reality the owner of the company i work for - construction - is a saint and has taken some pity on me and is fixing up my house!!) This is my first divorce and i have absolutely no clue what i am doing. I really thought he would just sign the papers and this would be an easy amicable split, but he hasnt signed them since i gave them to him on 12/12

TL,DR - The cops showed up and told me my husbands fiancee sent an email that they got in an argument and he threatened to kill himself. Pretty sure hes been cheating for a while, hes been living in my shed for weeks as a separation and i feel so stuck

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Government01 on 2023-12-29 13:28:01+00:00.

My partner told me she has genital herpes

I (22M) have been seeing a girl (25F) for about 3 weeks and she is a pretty devout Christian. One day at work I was just asking the guys if they knew her and of course someone always has something to say. My coworker said she has herpes. So of course me and her were just chatting and I don’t recall exactly how the topic came up but she was like “has anyone ever said I had herpes?” And I said yes but it’s hear say and I don’t believe everything everyone says. And she said “well I do have type 2 herpes” and I was just blown away. I don’t know how i feel about me and her. I was ready to abstain from sex with her until marriage bc I like her. But I feel betrayed that she was gonna wait till marriage to lay it on me. That’s not fair. Idk what to do.

TL;DR: partner of three weeks recently told me she has genital herpes, after I asked her. And she was going to wait until marriage to tell me. Not sure how I feel going forward

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Government01 on 2023-12-29 13:28:01+00:00.

My partner told me she has genital herpes

I (22M) have been seeing a girl (25F) for about 3 weeks and she is a pretty devout Christian. One day at work I was just asking the guys if they knew her and of course someone always has something to say. My coworker said she has herpes. So of course me and her were just chatting and I don’t recall exactly how the topic came up but she was like “has anyone ever said I had herpes?” And I said yes but it’s hear say and I don’t believe everything everyone says. And she said “well I do have type 2 herpes” and I was just blown away. I don’t know how i feel about me and her. I was ready to abstain from sex with her until marriage bc I like her. But I feel betrayed that she was gonna wait till marriage to lay it on me. That’s not fair. Idk what to do.

TL;DR: partner of three weeks recently told me she has genital herpes, after I asked her. And she was going to wait until marriage to tell me. Not sure how I feel going forward

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MForbiddenthoughts on 2023-12-29 13:15:25+00:00.

Tl;dr so I have been with my gf (30f) for a while now and we are so in love , I trust her with my life and she is perfect. The plan is to propose to her next few weeks because this was our plan ( we both are virgin due to culture ) The thing is I have a problem that she has nothing to do with, it’s my insecurities about my self, that I am not good enough and don’t deserve to be that happy with her, and to be honest she is helping me a lot with that especially when I am anxious and she is very good with assurance and I am doing well putting this all under control

The thing that I am struggling with it that when there is other men around, she always get the attention because she is very pretty, kind and friendly She always greet with hugs and a big smile I know it’s not her fault to be that good and I am not accusing her with anything but it’s me who is not comfortable and I am trying to cope with it but something it’s a lot to handle for me, I am not sure if I should talk about it with her, that she might think that I don’t trust her or trying to control her

Any advise please ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MarloweCaptain on 2023-12-29 12:46:18+00:00.

Okay, so hello everyone. I'm a 16 year old girl, and it's been about 2 years since my mother started being particularly mean and annoying to me, my sister and my brother. I almost hate being with her, when I come home from school, I sigh, because I know she's going to make mean comments to me again, and ruin my evening. By "mean comments," I mean sometimes really mean. Her comments are subtle, but they easily hurt. Comments on the way I act, often. I'm a pretty weird teenager, and I know it. I'm acting strange, and I know it, because everyone has let me know it. Sometimes, when I like a subject (especially video games), I become very happy and I talk a lot, and my mother points it out to me, saying for example: "Stop acting like that" "Yes, I understand" "Are you ret*rded or what?" Every. Single. Time. It's not just that she's mean, because she never really abused me, there are kids who have it worse than me. Or maybe, nevermind, sometimes she slaps me for nothing, but that's when she gets really mad. She is EXTREMELY religious, she is Muslim, and I have known for over 5 years that I do not believe in this religion. The problem is that women in this religion must wear a veil called a hijab. I hate wearing it. The thing is : she didn't force me to wear it, I wanted to. When I was 11, I saw my aunts and cousins wearing it, I thought it was a piece of clothing, a decorative kind of stuff. So I asked my mom to wear it, because I told myself that, if I wear it, I'll make her proud. I remember that day, in the car, the first day I wore the hijab. She handed me 5 euros, and said "hey, 5 euros for wearing the hijab, I'm proud of you my daughter." And, I was kinda confused. I don't know why, but it made me feel uncomfortable.

My father is bipolar. He's completely crazy, he can get extremely angry, insult me and blame me for everything, for nothing, then apologize and cry a few minutes later. My father was diagnosed with autism, and bipolar, so... He can't have custody of me. I love my dad, I know he's crazy but I love him. My father is crazy, yet he is nicer than my mother. I would like to live with him but I can't, he terrifies me and I don't want to relive what traumatized me as a child. I love him so much, but I lost contact with him. I stopped talking to him because he scares me. So... As I said, I'm not Muslim. I wear the hijab, and I hate wearing it. I feel ashamed when I go outside with it, and I always have. At first, when I wore the hijab, I took it off outside to go out with my friends, I felt better without my hijab. I was much better, I was less ashamed. But now I don't have any friends anymore, I don't have anyone anymore. My brother doesn't understand me, my sister doesn't understand me, no one could. I can't talk to anyone about this situation, otherwise they will call me a heretic.

Also, my mother has a habit of taking my things, and spying on what I'm doing. Sometimes he takes my phone at night and looks at my conversations, photos, apps, etc. I always have to delete everything because my mother will humiliate me and hit me if she sees what I'm doing on my phone. I have no privacy, she is extremely (extremely, I'm not kidding) curious. For everything. She looks out the window when there is the slightest noise. And my brother (20M), when he talks on the phone, my mother sticks to his door and looks through the lock to see what he is doing, she puts her ear to the door to hear who he is talking to. She treats him like a baby, and the worst part is that when I told him about it, he was extremely surprised. He didn't know she was spying on him, but I do. When I see her spying on him, I say to her "why are you doing that? It's weird, you're scary" and she laughs and tells me that I'm weird and I should mind my own business. Isn't that ironic?

That said, I know I could never get along with my mother and her family, they are way too religious, and fake nice. So I thought about running away from home when I turn 18, I want to cut ties with my mother, completely. With everyone, because no one is going to forgive me. I don't want to be called a heretic. I'm going to work until I'm 18 to have money saved, and go to the north of France (because I'm French, by the way), like so, my mom won't find me. And I won't have to deal with her. I will live free, and I won't have to wear the hijab again. I can't wait to leave, I hate being with my mother. I don't hate her, but I know I'll never get along with her ideologies. I don't want to continue wearing the hijab, I want to be like all the other girls. I want to have friends, and I want a boyfriend. I want to wear makeup and skirts, but I can't. My entire adolescence was ruined for one thing that, stupidly, I chose to be.

That said, I know I could never get along with my mother and her family, they are way too religious, and fake nice. So I thought about running away from home when I turn 18, I want to cut ties with my mother, completely. With everyone, because no one is going to forgive me. I don't want to be called a heretic. I'm going to work until I'm 18 to have money saved, and go to the north of France (because I'm French, by the way), like so, my mom won't find me. And I won't have to deal with her. I will live free, and I won't have to wear the hijab again. I can't wait to leave, I hate being with my mother. I don't hate her, but I know I'll never get along with her ideologies. I don't want to continue wearing the hijab, I want to be like all the other girls. I want to have friends, and I want a boyfriend. I want to wear makeup and skirts, but I can't. My entire adolescence was ruined for one thing that, stupidly, I chose to be. I just want to be free. I just want to be happy like every other girls. It makes me cry when I see teenage girls like me, my age, having fun outside, with pretty outfits, with pretty makeup. I will never have what they have.

TLDR : My mom is crazy. She forced me to follow a religion I don't believe, and it's been 5 years I know I'm not religious. She's mean and she made me depressed. Dad is crazy as well, I can't live with him. I wanna run away but I'm a minor and I have no money. I need help and I feel extremely depressed. I don't know if my mom is wrong or if I'm just an edgy kid.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MForbiddenthoughts on 2023-12-29 13:15:25+00:00.

Tl;dr so I have been with my gf (30f) for a while now and we are so in love , I trust her with my life and she is perfect. The plan is to propose to her next few weeks because this was our plan ( we both are virgin due to culture ) The thing is I have a problem that she has nothing to do with, it’s my insecurities about my self, that I am not good enough and don’t deserve to be that happy with her, and to be honest she is helping me a lot with that especially when I am anxious and she is very good with assurance and I am doing well putting this all under control

The thing that I am struggling with it that when there is other men around, she always get the attention because she is very pretty, kind and friendly She always greet with hugs and a big smile I know it’s not her fault to be that good and I am not accusing her with anything but it’s me who is not comfortable and I am trying to cope with it but something it’s a lot to handle for me, I am not sure if I should talk about it with her, that she might think that I don’t trust her or trying to control her

Any advise please ?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MarloweCaptain on 2023-12-29 12:46:18+00:00.

Okay, so hello everyone. I'm a 16 year old girl, and it's been about 2 years since my mother started being particularly mean and annoying to me, my sister and my brother. I almost hate being with her, when I come home from school, I sigh, because I know she's going to make mean comments to me again, and ruin my evening. By "mean comments," I mean sometimes really mean. Her comments are subtle, but they easily hurt. Comments on the way I act, often. I'm a pretty weird teenager, and I know it. I'm acting strange, and I know it, because everyone has let me know it. Sometimes, when I like a subject (especially video games), I become very happy and I talk a lot, and my mother points it out to me, saying for example: "Stop acting like that" "Yes, I understand" "Are you ret*rded or what?" Every. Single. Time. It's not just that she's mean, because she never really abused me, there are kids who have it worse than me. Or maybe, nevermind, sometimes she slaps me for nothing, but that's when she gets really mad. She is EXTREMELY religious, she is Muslim, and I have known for over 5 years that I do not believe in this religion. The problem is that women in this religion must wear a veil called a hijab. I hate wearing it. The thing is : she didn't force me to wear it, I wanted to. When I was 11, I saw my aunts and cousins wearing it, I thought it was a piece of clothing, a decorative kind of stuff. So I asked my mom to wear it, because I told myself that, if I wear it, I'll make her proud. I remember that day, in the car, the first day I wore the hijab. She handed me 5 euros, and said "hey, 5 euros for wearing the hijab, I'm proud of you my daughter." And, I was kinda confused. I don't know why, but it made me feel uncomfortable.

My father is bipolar. He's completely crazy, he can get extremely angry, insult me and blame me for everything, for nothing, then apologize and cry a few minutes later. My father was diagnosed with autism, and bipolar, so... He can't have custody of me. I love my dad, I know he's crazy but I love him. My father is crazy, yet he is nicer than my mother. I would like to live with him but I can't, he terrifies me and I don't want to relive what traumatized me as a child. I love him so much, but I lost contact with him. I stopped talking to him because he scares me. So... As I said, I'm not Muslim. I wear the hijab, and I hate wearing it. I feel ashamed when I go outside with it, and I always have. At first, when I wore the hijab, I took it off outside to go out with my friends, I felt better without my hijab. I was much better, I was less ashamed. But now I don't have any friends anymore, I don't have anyone anymore. My brother doesn't understand me, my sister doesn't understand me, no one could. I can't talk to anyone about this situation, otherwise they will call me a heretic.

Also, my mother has a habit of taking my things, and spying on what I'm doing. Sometimes he takes my phone at night and looks at my conversations, photos, apps, etc. I always have to delete everything because my mother will humiliate me and hit me if she sees what I'm doing on my phone. I have no privacy, she is extremely (extremely, I'm not kidding) curious. For everything. She looks out the window when there is the slightest noise. And my brother (20M), when he talks on the phone, my mother sticks to his door and looks through the lock to see what he is doing, she puts her ear to the door to hear who he is talking to. She treats him like a baby, and the worst part is that when I told him about it, he was extremely surprised. He didn't know she was spying on him, but I do. When I see her spying on him, I say to her "why are you doing that? It's weird, you're scary" and she laughs and tells me that I'm weird and I should mind my own business. Isn't that ironic?

That said, I know I could never get along with my mother and her family, they are way too religious, and fake nice. So I thought about running away from home when I turn 18, I want to cut ties with my mother, completely. With everyone, because no one is going to forgive me. I don't want to be called a heretic. I'm going to work until I'm 18 to have money saved, and go to the north of France (because I'm French, by the way), like so, my mom won't find me. And I won't have to deal with her. I will live free, and I won't have to wear the hijab again. I can't wait to leave, I hate being with my mother. I don't hate her, but I know I'll never get along with her ideologies. I don't want to continue wearing the hijab, I want to be like all the other girls. I want to have friends, and I want a boyfriend. I want to wear makeup and skirts, but I can't. My entire adolescence was ruined for one thing that, stupidly, I chose to be.

That said, I know I could never get along with my mother and her family, they are way too religious, and fake nice. So I thought about running away from home when I turn 18, I want to cut ties with my mother, completely. With everyone, because no one is going to forgive me. I don't want to be called a heretic. I'm going to work until I'm 18 to have money saved, and go to the north of France (because I'm French, by the way), like so, my mom won't find me. And I won't have to deal with her. I will live free, and I won't have to wear the hijab again. I can't wait to leave, I hate being with my mother. I don't hate her, but I know I'll never get along with her ideologies. I don't want to continue wearing the hijab, I want to be like all the other girls. I want to have friends, and I want a boyfriend. I want to wear makeup and skirts, but I can't. My entire adolescence was ruined for one thing that, stupidly, I chose to be. I just want to be free. I just want to be happy like every other girls. It makes me cry when I see teenage girls like me, my age, having fun outside, with pretty outfits, with pretty makeup. I will never have what they have.

TLDR : My mom is crazy. She forced me to follow a religion I don't believe, and it's been 5 years I know I'm not religious. She's mean and she made me depressed. Dad is crazy as well, I can't live with him. I wanna run away but I'm a minor and I have no money. I need help and I feel extremely depressed. I don't know if my mom is wrong or if I'm just an edgy kid.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/pinkelixer on 2023-12-29 10:00:13+00:00.

I (F28) recently gave birth to our baby five weeks ago, and my husband (M28) and I decided to split baby care duties with me taking the day shift and him handling the night shift, as he’s use to working night shift.

I’ve noticed a pattern during his night shifts where he spends about 12 hours straight playing video games with our baby in a carrier. He claims the baby is always asleep at night, so he doesn’t play or interact much (when I wake up and hear baby crying and grunting, so he is awake). Additionally, he tends to quickly resort to giving the baby gas medication, assuming fussiness is due to gas issues. I feel he is ignoring baby so he can continue to play videos and not have to play/interact with him.

When it’s time for me to take over or feed every 2-3 hours , I’ve observed a sudden change in the baby’s demeanor—he becomes quiet and happy even before feeding.

I’m reaching out to the community for advice on how to approach this situation. I’m concerned about the lack of interaction during his shifts and the immediate reliance on medication for perceived issues. Any tips or insights on fostering better interaction with the baby during night shifts and addressing this concern would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your help!

TL;DR: Husband spends 12 hours straight gaming with our 5 week old baby in a carrier during his night shifts, claims baby is always asleep despite crying sounds. He quickly gives gas medication claiming it’s what causing the fussiness. Worried he's prioritizing gaming for baby. Seeking advice on how to address the situation.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lost-Comfort8185 on 2023-12-29 11:17:27+00:00.

I am a 28 year old girl dating an investment banker! We have been together for 1.5 years now.He is a very nice person but never really spends time. We have not taken a single trip in this whole time. We don’t go on many dates and recently we were in two different countries and he did even video call me on my birthday let alone giving me a gift. I’m unsure if I have to continue dating him? Our parents are forcing us to get married but he’s saying he is not excited about the relationship now as much and that he needs more time to be sure. He is a really nice guy so I’m unsure if I should help him understand or just get the hint and leave him ?

Tl:dr - Should I date a great guy who is well educated but who does not show love or care as much ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/YeahDontNeedToTellMe on 2023-12-29 10:42:03+00:00.

So leaving this anonymous for many reasons.

I have a girlfriend of 4 months we’ll call Sydney. So far, so good. We click well, and we have a good handle of our lives at this point. She’s a good communicator too so really I have nothing to complain about.

Sydney came out with me last weekend because we were celebrating one of my friend’s birthdays and she really hasn’t met anyone yet (schedules haven’t like up) and so we finally got around to it.

My friend group is roughly 16 people (as of looking at my groupchat) with a mix of guys and girls. I’m very good friends with all the girls in my group, and they were excited to meet Sydney.

We got there and my friends are very touchy. Most of the girls greet me with hugs and in general, are affectionate people.

By the end of the night, we got to my truck and we get in, and she asks “so which one of those girls do you have a past with?” And so far we agreed to keep each other’s sexual past out of our relationship, so it caught me off guard.

I replied by saying there are 3 of them, but it had been awhile. At this moment, I realized I fucked up. She asked me again if I had sex with 3 of those girls, in which I said yes. She said that’s actually gross and that’s something that she should’ve been told regardless of our agreement. I said I’m sorry I thought we agreed to keep our past out of it.

She said “no that’s actually insanely disgusting, and the fact you keep them around makes me wanna gag”

I told her if she wanted to talk about it, and she said no. She said she wanted to go home snd “think about tonight”

I asked her if she wanted to break up and she said “honestly, I don’t know. I want time to think”

So I’m giving her space right now. However, I don’t want to lose her. She is definitely the best woman I’ve dated, and I don’t want it to end because of decisions past me made.

I’d appreciate advice, tips, or ideas on how to amend this. I’m feeling like I fucked up right now and I’m a little nervous. Thanks in advance.

TLDR: GF met my friend group, asked me if I had a past with any of the women and I said 3. She finds it gross and is reconsidering our relationship.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/YeahDontNeedToTellMe on 2023-12-29 10:42:03+00:00.

So leaving this anonymous for many reasons.

I have a girlfriend of 4 months we’ll call Sydney. So far, so good. We click well, and we have a good handle of our lives at this point. She’s a good communicator too so really I have nothing to complain about.

Sydney came out with me last weekend because we were celebrating one of my friend’s birthdays and she really hasn’t met anyone yet (schedules haven’t like up) and so we finally got around to it.

My friend group is roughly 16 people (as of looking at my groupchat) with a mix of guys and girls. I’m very good friends with all the girls in my group, and they were excited to meet Sydney.

We got there and my friends are very touchy. Most of the girls greet me with hugs and in general, are affectionate people.

By the end of the night, we got to my truck and we get in, and she asks “so which one of those girls do you have a past with?” And so far we agreed to keep each other’s sexual past out of our relationship, so it caught me off guard.

I replied by saying there are 3 of them, but it had been awhile. At this moment, I realized I fucked up. She asked me again if I had sex with 3 of those girls, in which I said yes. She said that’s actually gross and that’s something that she should’ve been told regardless of our agreement. I said I’m sorry I thought we agreed to keep our past out of it.

She said “no that’s actually insanely disgusting, and the fact you keep them around makes me wanna gag”

I told her if she wanted to talk about it, and she said no. She said she wanted to go home snd “think about tonight”

I asked her if she wanted to break up and she said “honestly, I don’t know. I want time to think”

So I’m giving her space right now. However, I don’t want to lose her. She is definitely the best woman I’ve dated, and I don’t want it to end because of decisions past me made.

I’d appreciate advice, tips, or ideas on how to amend this. I’m feeling like I fucked up right now and I’m a little nervous. Thanks in advance.

TLDR: GF met my friend group, asked me if I had a past with any of the women and I said 3. She finds it gross and is reconsidering our relationship.