r/TwoXChromosomes: You are the community. You have all the power of the internet to mold it.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Dizzirron on 2023-09-27 09:59:03.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/sexandjack on 2023-09-27 08:36:17.

I've been with my partner for 3 and a half years. I've been a stay at home mom for 2 and just started college in the summer. He bought a house last year and wouldn't let me put my name on it too and now he's leaving me and wants me out. I have nothing. No money. No home now. I'm absolutely destroyed. I don't know what to do. I can't believe this is happening. I have nothing what am I going to do. I can't believe I relied on a man like this with my entire life. I'm never doing it again I'm so broken

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/rockgoody on 2023-09-27 07:27:54.

"Not everyone is a thief but we still lock our doors and windows at night."

"Out of a dozen cupcakes, 1 is poisoned. You’d still be cautious of all of the cupcakes right?"

I saw these online and thought I'd share! Do any of y'all have good responses to "Not all men"?

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/downthegrapevine on 2023-09-27 06:06:33.

My birthday is next week! I am excited and yet there is this little worm inside my head reminding me that I'm inching toward 40 and it kind of freaks me out a little. I know that life doesn't end at 40 but it just seems so... big like if I don't have my life together at 40 then I'm doing something wrong and also I see people who are 40 as legit full grown adults and I still feel like I'm figuring it all out. So, tell me all the fun, new, exciting, happy things that happened to you or that you did after 40 so I can get it out of my head that if I don't become "serious" and "successful" in the next 4 years then I'm doing something wrong.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/lovelyketchup on 2023-09-27 04:08:16.

Thanks in advance for any tips or advice :)

So I (21F) went on a first date with a guy (22M) last night. The thing is, I didn't initially know for sure that it was a date. I met him just under 2 weeks ago hanging out with mutual friends, and after talking to him for a bit I thought he was cool since I found out we have some similar interests. Yesterday he asked me to hang out and I was free so we set a time and place to meet up that evening.

We went to this nice park and walked around, took photos (pretty flowers), and eventually sat down and started chatting. It began really cute and wholesome and we were just getting to know each other.

In the conversation we landed on the topic of our "types" and he basically described someone with my body type. That's when he put his hand on my butt and I knew that he was into me as more than just a friend.

I didn't really mind it at first and was still kind of into him and just glad he was also interested in me. We talked a bit more I held his hand and we kissed but then it kind of went downhill from there.

There was just a lot of touching and kissing, all stuff I have never really done before (I feel like a teenager having to hide a hickey from my parents for the first time).

And while I liked some of what was going on, I still thought it was all happening super fast for a first date. Plus, he described wanting to do a lot of things that I wouldn't have been comfortable with, especially in a public place...

I think that the fact that it moved so quickly in combination with the fact that I've never experienced this made it difficult for me to say no in the moment. If he put his hands somewhere I *really* didn't want them I would say no and push them away, but eventually he would put them back until I said no again.

I feel like 21 is kind of late to start dating and for a lot of my life I've felt left out when it comes to being in relationships and going on dates. So a part of me feels like I didn't want to say no as much because of the fear that this may be the only time I'll experience this and I may not find another guy who would appreciate or like my body the way that this guy did.

Thankfully I didn't feel violated or anything, but I do wish I had spoken up a bit more and made some clear boundaries. And in hindsight, I kind of regret letting him take photos of me because who knows what he's doing with them now. To some extent it kind of seems like he mostly wanted me for my body (which feels terrible to say).

Anyway, all of this is to ask, what should I have done differently? I didn't originally know if it was a date, and if I had, maybe I would have made clear boundaries beforehand. But because things moved so quickly I found that I didn't always know how to react. I guess I want to know how to make it clear what I do and do not want to do.

TLDR: Went on a first date, the guy got touchy. I hadn't set any boundaries and didn't know when/how to say no. How do I set clear boundaries?

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/MelanieWalmartinez on 2023-09-27 03:33:36.

I’m on the pill and for some reason I’ve been bleeding for 3.5 weeks. They took my blood, gave me internal and external ultrasounds, and a pelvic exam.

I requested a D&C and they refused. My grandmother got one when this happened to her and they complied.

The doctor pretty much told me “sorry we can’t do anything” and just told me to buy painkillers and wait it out. I hate how women are treated in healthcare. I wish there was something that could be done. It’s a burden on my life and the pain is abhorrent.

Rant over 😔

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/the_black_mamba3 on 2023-09-27 03:14:50.

While I was getting ready to leave for work this morning, I spotted some...unsightly material on the bottom of the toilet seat, that I know for a fact was not my doing. As I was heading out the door, I texted my boyfriend, who was sleeping, asking if he could clean the toilet since it was his turn to clean the bathroom anyways. Didn't bring up the splashback to save the embarassment - shit happens, literally.

I get home, go to use the toilet, and the bowl has obviously not been cleaned (toilet gel still in the bowl, fecal matter still on the seat). I find him and the conversation goes:

Me: "Hey I thought you said you would clean the toilet today? It's not clean"

BF (immediately defensive): "what do you mean it's not clean?? I cleaned it!!"

Me: "well it's very obviously still dirty. There's dookie spray on the underside of the seat! Did you not clean under it or clean the bowl?"

BF: "I scrubbed the whole thing with toilet paper like 3 times!!"

Me: "....you 'cleaned' the toilet with dry toilet paper? You need to use at least a Clorox wipe to disinfect it, and you need to clean the bowl."

BF: "I don't understand how I can slave away cleaning for hours and it's STILL not good enough for you!!"

Guess who ended up cleaning the dookie spray -_-

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/wild_oats on 2023-09-27 02:38:35.

My husband asked me how I was feeling the other day when I was thinking about how arthritis-related weight gain and hormones were conspiring against me psychologically… I replied honestly and wistfully, “I feel like a potato” and we both got a chuckle from it.

But I realized that though he had never given me any cause to think I was less attractive, here I was frustrated that I didn’t look like I did ten years ago. I didn’t know how to shop for clothes for my size, my makeup was all expired and dried up and I didn’t know how to work with my squishier face. I didn’t know how to get a flattering haircut and my self-esteem kept me from asking for help with these things, so I neglected them. That wasn’t fair to either of us.

So I bit the bullet, and ordered jeans in my real size. I got a haircut. I bought new perfume and makeup and started experimenting with it. I got new bras and lingerie. My confidence went up, and we are crushing on each other, as usual.

Because dammit, if you have to be a potato… at least be a sexy potato.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/jpepp97 on 2023-09-27 02:44:38.

Sorry I wrote a lot, this probably wasn’t that big of a deal it just really shook me.

Yesterday I was on my way to the grocery store when I motioned for a pedestrian to cross at a stop sign. He started to go, then stopped directly in front of my car and motioned to me to roll my window down, repeatedly saying “excuse me, excuse me”. I thought he might be looking for directions or something, idk. He went to the passenger side window and said “I’m sorry to bother you, I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re absolutely beautiful.” I said oh thanks and laughed uncomfortably, thinking that was it. Of course it wasn’t.

He then said “Yeah I just wanted to tell you that you’re really beautiful & I hope you have a good rest of your day. What’s your name?” and extended his hand. I reflexively went to shake it and said my name. I started to say “I hope you have a nice rest of your day too” when he cut me off and said “can I be your man?”

At this point he was still holding my hand and would not let go. So I just awkwardly held up my left hand and said “sorry, I’m married”. At this point he got more aggressive. “What kind of a ring is that? I could get you a better ring. Where’s your husband right now? I bet he doesn’t treat you right. I’d treat you like you deserve to be treated” etc etc. All while holding my hand tighter and tighter while I tried to pull it back.

He then said “Well could you at least lend me a dollar?” (yep there it is). I told him that I don’t carry cash and he said oh let’s ask your husband. I said “No?? He’s at work.” And finally yanked my hand back hard enough from him. He immediately started leaning on his arms into my window. “Let’s test him. Let’s see how good of a guy he is. You want me to test him for you? I know some guys, they can test him. I bet he’s cheating on you. I bet he’s doing it right now. Come on, let’s go find your husband.”

At this point there were cars backed up behind me. I got louder and said “No I’m not doing that. No my husband is fine. We’re not calling him. I’m leaving.” He kept talking over me so I just started pulling forward and saying goodbye over and over. He tried to keep his arms in my car but gave up.

I’m just so shook bc 90% of that interaction I was thinking do I have to just start driving with this dude holding onto me? If he gets hurt would I be at fault? And god forbid what would he have done if there weren’t other cars around to watch?? I don’t get where men get the fucking audacity like what the hell is that?? In hindsight I should have just rolled the window up but I wasn’t thinking straight.

TL;DR I rolled down my window for a guy at an intersection and he tried to get me to help him shake down my husband for money.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/None-Ya-Beeswax on 2023-09-27 02:05:49.

For the past couple years now, I've gotten into the habit of putting a ring on when I leave the house. A wedding band. I am not married, and don't plan on getting married. It's just not something I personally want.

It all started when I began a committed relationship, and someone I kept running into in public wouldn't take the hint I wasn't interested. What better way to get him to leave me alone, than wear a ring?

I noticed something else though, that had never happened before. The men I ran into were much more polite when I was wearing a ring vs without...

Without a ring, nearly everytime I went out, a man would be rude (close the door in my face, cut in front of in line, stand WAY too close where I can almost feel their breath on my neck). None of this happened when wearing a ring, or very rarely. I don't expect anyone to treat me special, but basic human decency would be nice???

Is my NO not a no unless I have a man to back up my decision?

Am I not entitled to basic human decency?

Is my worth as a human being tied to being married?

Just needed to vent, this is something I will never understand...

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Xmenenslaver on 2023-09-27 00:49:48.

For clarification: i have a job a very physical one at that. I'm experiencing a lot of back pain right now because of it. My husband has not worked in 11.5 months. My list of duties is

1. Make the kid's breakfast
2. Make the kids lunches
3. Take the kids to school
4. Go to work
5. Clean the litter box
6. Give the cat his medication
7. Clean the livingroom
8. Clean the kitchen
9. Do laundry
10. Pick the kids up from school
11. Prepare dinner
12. Help the kids with their homework
13. do the dishes.
14. Pay the whole rent
15. Pay all of the electricity
16. Pay for all of our streaming services
17. Pay for all of our food

Even though he has been unemployed for almost a year he still thinks the only things he needs to do are

1. Pay for storage
2. Pay vehicle expenses
3. Take the garbage out.

Today i asked him to do the dishes because standing is hurting too much and instead of helping he got mad at me and took off so i still have to do everything on my own.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Lukincoffee on 2023-09-27 00:28:37.

I want to date. But I constantly hear horror stories of people being in relationships where their partner just CAN'T take care of themselves. Not "won't." They can't. They can't clean up after themselves. They can't wash dishes. They can't do laundry. They can't even practice basic hygiene.

I want to know my partner is capable of living alone, and not needing someone else to clean and take care of them. But there's not really a way to figure out if someone can take care of themselves (until you start living with them, but by then you're in deep.)

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/cheeze_n_mustarda on 2023-09-26 23:54:35.

About a week ago, I took the chance to reconnect and talk with my father again. We had a falling out many years ago and haven't spoken a lot since. While we were very low contact, I gained weight.

So I got to meet him and his family and I thought it was going great. His wife told me that he has changed and is sorry about all the things that went bad in the past. I was so happy to hear it and was just ready to start new. I was so excited to get to meet his family and my half siblings again.

And so I thought it was going great. We got to talk and bond, and he behaved. Now mind you, my father is a strange character. He is like a wind-up monkey toy, that is annoying, loud and thinks he is the star of every gathering. But you can look past that and sometimes you can have a decent conversation with him.

That one day we had a good talk and he asked for a hug. When he hugged me, he started giggling and hugged me tighter. I said jokingly: "Ok that's enough, you gonna squeeze me too death with that beer belly of yours."

Next day he asked for more hugs and every time he would giggle loudly. Again, he is a weirdo, I had no idea what the hell he was on about. But I thought, you know what, it's nice that he keeps asking for hugs... right?

Well on the last day I realised what it was all about. I had a suspicion and he confirmed it. He thought it was funny that my tits would press into him and kinda sit on top of his beer belly. As I mentioned earlier, I gained weight and my chest is on the bigger side. MF asked me for all the hugs because of this!

I'm so disappointed and grossed out. I was so excited to see them and bond with my family, but all I can think about are his gross hugs and his gross giggles.

I feel like an idiot.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/wii_sports10 on 2023-09-26 23:13:39.

I am extremely exhausted from seeing people that I come across being repulsed by the fact that I decide not to shave. It’s not rocket science.

Just recently, I was at my community pool with some family, and I lifted my arms up to put my hair in a scrunchie, which revealed a shitload of hair on my armpits, and my mother, father, and this old lady that my mother was talking to looked so disgusted. My mother went, “That’s disgusting. You’re a young woman; learn your place. You should know how to properly shave. You won't ever impress a man with that gross bush.” And my father fucking nodded. The audacity. Then the old lady that my mother was talking to said that I was not very “ladylike.” Like, who asked you, Prudence? Just because I decide not to shave does not make me disgusting or any less "ladylike." I just don’t like the feeling of cuts, ingrown hairs, and razor burns. Some people need to get that through their heads.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/OminousHooting on 2023-09-26 21:45:31.

I don't know where to turn to, so if this is the wrong place I am sorry. I juat need to get out how I am feeling.

A little back story, me and my husband have neen together for 15 years.

We've always talked about kids in the future but it has never really been the time.

He currently is fighting a lot of mental health issues, and is not working. I am the only source of income and am okay with it.

In our time I have not had even a pregnancy scare before, we figured maybe we weren't able to get pregnant.

But I find myself now pregnant. And I have always wanted a child, but I know we cannot have a baby right now. We live paycheck to paycheck. I cannot afford time off. So I will be terminating the pregnancy in a few days. I will not be telling my husband as I fear this would only hurt him either way this pregnancy goes. I don't have many girl friends.

And I don't know.... But I feel sad but it's the right choice.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/This_Daydreamer_ on 2023-09-26 21:28:57.

How many posts have we seen that were written by women in a relationship with a man who clearly doesn't care about her? It's constant, right? Why don't they know that they should just leave?!

Yeah. It isn't that simple.

For one thing, no-one sets out to move in with and share a bed with a complete asshole. He didn't start out demonstrating that he couldn't care less about her well-being.

Next, she fell in love with the person she thought he was. Abusers are really good at playing nice when they want to.

And then, there's the emotional abuse. He gaslighted her into doubting everything she believed was real. He berated her for mistakes she didn't make. He badgered her into focusing all of her energy on him.

He convinced her that he only got mad because she did something wrong.

When you care about someone you try to make them happy. You do things they like and you stop doing things they don't like.

And he plays with that basic goodness constantly. Slowly, tiny step by tiny step, he convinces her to stop spending time with family and friends. He explains how much easier it would be to share a bank account. He shows her how much can be saved by sharing a car.

Brick by brick, he builds a cell of isolation and self doubt around her.

By the time he becomes physically violent, she's trapped and doesn't see any way to escape.

She doesn't leave because she's in his custody before she realizes what's happening.

Don't tell her to leave. Tell her how.

Edited because my tablet went rogue

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/honeybunchesofgoatso on 2023-09-26 20:36:11.

It seems like anytime I scroll through the popular tab I am always met with AT LEAST one cherry picked video of a woman doing something that's a bad take, over sexualized, or done incorrectly. If you go to the comments then without fail you see thinly veiled, or blatant sexism.

I came across a post today where the woman in the video had a salary preference for relationships, which most people wouldn't agree with, but who cares, it's her life and makes no difference to anyone else.

The comments? Saying they hope she has to do porn behind a dumpster for a living, that she's not attractive enough to be picky, calling her a pig. All upvoted. I don't see this happen when it's a man.

I see this way too often and it makes me lose faith in society that people like this really think that way about women and go out of their way to post cherry picked videos just to complain about women. It's sad and revolting.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/ranaparvus on 2023-09-26 20:15:22.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/No-Spring-729 on 2023-09-26 19:54:17.

I'm a 31 year old woman and I'm currently living with my older half brother. He sexually assaulted me a long time ago.

I'm struggling with anorexia nervosa and I'm currently underweight (BMI 16.7). He has recently made comments like, "You don't look good anymore. You look the sexiest when you're at your healthy weight." And "You used to have sexy legs at one point."

These comments make me super uncomfortable. I really want to attempt recovery again, because I don't want this illness to kill me and I want to try and make my life better. But living with my brother makes it even harder for me to gain weight. I don't want him to see me as sexy.

Any advice?

Thank you 🙂

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/meowssert on 2023-09-26 19:41:35.

Idk where else to ask for opinion but I figure this subreddit is the best place. So I (F19) went to the clinic today with my mom since I haven’t been feeling well since yesterday. My mom was in the room with me & the doctor, a guy, examined me. He suggested I get my blood tested cause it might be dengue, nothing weird, normal doctor and patient stuff. But then out of no where he reached out to my face to seemingly rub something off from under my left eye. I flinched. I was uncomfortable he did that. Cause if there was something under my eye he could’ve said something or pass me a tissue. I don’t think my mom noticed it cause it was a quick second.

Plus I doubt there was anything cause it was at the end of the day, most of my makeup had already warm off so it couldn’t be that. I feel so weirded out cause I’ve never experienced anything like this and I feel like I’m being dramatic cause it’s just such a small matter compared to what other have went through. But I was still very uncomfortable and taken aback from the situation. Please tell me I’m not being dramatic.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/CorineMorin on 2023-09-26 19:23:24.

My BF (35M) and I (32F) had been dating for 4 years, and two weeks ago, he shocked me by breaking up with me. I thought that we would end up getting married, but here I am heartbroken trying to get over it. My friends all say that I should do something to get my mind off of the breakup, but I am not sure what to do.

For people in this sub that have gone through a difficult breakup, was there something you did, or maybe something you bought yourself, that helped you through the breakup?

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Genuine_friend012 on 2023-09-26 18:11:49.

I always hear from men saying things like "you need to lower your standards unless you want to die alone with cats". I have yet to see a woman die alone with cats. Even if that was true. This fictional woman they created do exist that doesn't change the fact that she will be happy with a random man. All it says is that she would rather prefer to die alone than marry a dusty crappy man. Like at that point in her life anything is better than being with a man who is a king baby. I haven't seen a woman dying alone with cats. Even my child free aunt died with people surrounding her and people she cared for. They always portray women with high standards like this. Like we are bitter. Even today on reddit a man has made a long paragraph stating why successful women will die alone because they are entitled. That man spent 6 paragraphs about his personal life on how much of a shitty partner he is. What do you ladies think?

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Soft_Reference_6490 on 2023-09-26 17:51:04.

I seen another post in here, which I know we're all used to about another man acting like a jerk and the (of course) initial comments of why don't you leave.

THANK YOU because going further in the comments I seen the responsesof people finally saying it. IT'S HARD TO LEAVE. We as women end up in situations like this and then when we want to get out not only have we potentially been psychologically beat down for years, we're so tired. We're programed to just deal with these things. Some of us have little to no remaining self esteem.

Many of these people have children and "just leave" is infintesimally harder with children. One of the biggest factors in the inability to just leave is money. The world is fucking hard and expensive and not getting any less so. The US is a complete shit show currently.

I'm not saying this from nothing. I'm in the situation. I've been thinking I might want to get out for over a year now. I've posted on reddit so many times. I had people tell me they would soon hate to say I told you so when the man unalives me. Then he starts to be nice and helpful. Goes to therapy and back on his meds after years. And a tiny part of me hopes again. And a bigger part of me says too little too late I just want to be done but I'm still not brave and I'm still so confused.

I haven't left. I start to get closer. I get more comfortable with the idea. Then something happens. I'm not gone because I'm on social security and I can't even afford my bills currently.

Thank you. For reminding people it's so much more than just leave.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/marstheelf on 2023-09-26 17:39:28.

We see a lot of posts about men being lonely but women can be lonely too. In fact, we are expected to be the more “social creatures” and I feel that there is a level of shame that comes with loneliness when you don’t have friends.

I’m a girls girl. Women typically don’t invalidate your feelings or shame you for liking girly things, they’re not secretly trying to get into your pants. Female friendships are just refreshing.

The problem is finding them. I moved away from my home state nearly 7 years ago and have yet to make any lasting female friendships like the ones I had back home.

I’m 31 and do not have the luxury of being in school. Work keeps me busy so I don’t have a whole lot of free time to get deep into hobbies outside of the home. It’s remote work so coworkers aren’t even an option. I’m childfree and most people my age are having families. And I live in North Texas where there are a lot of conservative women that just don’t share my values as a feminist woman. I’ve met a few on a bumble bff app but they ended up either being toxic or always invited their boyfriends along. I thought about looking into feminist meetups groups, but couldn’t find such a thing in my area.

I guess what I wanted to discuss is how it is possible to meet other like minded women in a conservative state, or what things I could change that would make me more inclined to make female friends. We live in hard times and not having “your people” yet makes it all the more isolating.

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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/itswackyKat on 2023-09-26 12:18:22.

I just fucking hate myself.

None of the male classmates liked me back. It's always me initiating the conversations, trying to get close to them, trying to impress them, and confessing and all that shit.

None of them fucking ever initiate conversations, and I always thought girls were the ones that have everything coming to them in love. But apparently not me, I don't fucking understand why.

But I have to admit, I'm timid around guys, I don't know if that contributes. But once I am brave enough to always initiate conversations with my crushes, it's always me doing it.

And even though I know they don't like me back, I still take forever to get over them.

Some girls in my grade have many guys like them, but not me.

It's like I'm so ugly and untalented.

Now I already gave up trying to impress my crushes, but the feeling of a lack of love is there.