Be one of the most successful mercenaries of all time.
Set the stage for a kingdom that lasts over 700 years.
Be virtually unknown.
Be the third oldest of your father's twelve sons.
Father is very low knight.
No inheritance coming.
Travel a thousand miles to Italy with your two younger brothers.
Become so good at fighting and raiding, everyone wants to hire you.
Profit.
See your fellow Norman mercenary Rainulf exchange his services for land.
Activates the almonds.
Continue fighting in Italy for the Lombards, Eastern Roman Empire (Byzantine Empire), the Pope, HRE, or anyone who pays the bills.
Muscle your way to the top, becoming one of the twelve local leaders of Norman mercenaries.
Eastern Roman Empire wants to bring some Norman mercenaries on campaign to recover Sicily.
Accompany Romans with Varangians (and Harald Hardrada) to Sicily with 300 of your fellow Normans.
Campaign going well.
Besiege Syracuse.
City looking doomed.
Emir of the city rides out to destroy the siege machines.
Jump on your horse with your brothers and ride straight for the Emir.
Emir sees you and turns, you both ride at each other full speed.
Smash the Emir at full gallop with a single blow, knocking him out of his saddle, dead before he hits the dirt.
The enemy scatters.
Siege is over.
Everyone starts calling you Bras-de-Fer.. "Iron Arm" for the way you powerfully sent the Emir into the afterlife.
You and your friends don't seem to be getting any loot.
Complain to the general.
He has your Lombard captain stripped naked and beaten in the camp.
Time to get out of there.
Return to mainland Italy.
Lombards in full revolt against the Eastern Romans.
Normans across Italy are now the muscle for the Lombard revolt.
Lombard leaders keep selling you out. Dangerous stuff, need new leader.
Normans say that you should be leader.
Eastern Romans send army to kill you immediately led by Italian Catapan (governor) and as many troops as he could quickly muster, including Harald Hardrada and some Varangians.
Catch your forces in March by the Olivento River.
You have 300 knights and 600 infantry.
The Empire numbers in the thousands.
They send messenger with usual terms. Surrender or die.
One of your captains, Hugh Teudoboef punches the messengers horse, knocking it out, and tumbling messenger to the ground. He's fainted.
Your men drag off his horse. Put the messenger on new horse and slap him awake, sending him back to enemy camp. Everyone laughing.
Enemy scared of what happened to messenger, everyone ordered to not speak of it.
Battle next morning.
Empire lines up in a bend of the river so your cavalry don't have room to move.
Charge into them anyway.
Empire's army quickly breaks but there is nowhere to run. Total Norman victory.
Somehow Harald Hardrada and Catapan escape though.
Your numbers swell, now you have 700 knights and 1,300 infantry
Catapan puts together newer, larger army. Still outnumbering you several times over.
Hunts you down again in May by the Ofanto River, near Cannae.
No messenger this time.
But you are quite ill.. maybe too ill to fight.
Battle next morning. Empire lines up again in a corner of the river.
You have to watch, very sick, from a stretcher on a nearby hill.
Cavalry charging.
Not quite working this time.
Thick fighting ensues. Your men look stuck. You are yelling! "Push harder! Charge!"
Empire starts surging.. things looking not so good.
You've had enough.
Get out of stretcher. Jump on horse. Can't be too sick to leave this to your men alone..
Ride straight into the thick of the fighting.
Men bolstered to see their leader joining them!
Few more charges and the Empire's army breaks again.
Total rout and great slaughter of the enemy.
Somehow Harald Hardrada and Catapan escape again! wtf?!
Now the Empire sends a new army to just besiege Melfi in September.
You rally your army and ride to relief.
Quickly catch the Empire's army besieging the city.
A long day of hard fighting but you rout them and kill many again.
Capture enemy commander.
Empire completely driven out of Italian interior.
1041, great year to be a Norman in Italy and you are the champion of the Normans.
Defeat the Empire three times in one year. Varangians and Harald Hardrada twice!
Lombard ally Gaimar IV of Salerno acknowledges you as "Count of all the Normans in Apulia" with your capitol city as Melfi.
Marry Gaimar's niece Guida.
Acquire the city of Ascoli as your personal fief.
Consolidate your power. Begin solidifying your holdings. Keep rascally Normans under control.
Generational run.
Die a couple years later of illness.
Your next younger brother will succeed you as Count and will be officially invested by Henry III of the Holy Roman Empire in the next year as "Duke and master of all of Italy, and Count of all the Normans in Apulia and Calabria"
Your oldest half-brother (Robert) will become the Duke of Apulia, Calabria, and Sicily.
Your youngest half-brother (Roger) will become Grand Count of Sicily.
Your youngest half-brother's son (Roger II) will become King of Sicily and Naples, which lasts, later as the Kingdom of Two Sicilies, until 1861.
Start as a mercenary with nothing.
Become the most powerful man in southern Italy.
But always be remembered for that time you killed the Emir of Syracuse in single combat, in a single blow.
Be William Iron Arm.
-Memory Medeival (substack)