the real paradox of tolerance is how quickly "tolerant" people fall back into gender essentialism rhetoric the moment they're presented with anything outside of their comfort zone.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 months ago (7 children)

Y'all are getting hit with they/them from me not because of intolerance but because it's my default way of referring to people let alone online.

I don't read comments and posts as: [username] says "yada yada."

I read them as: [random person nearby wanting to engage in small talk] says "yada yada"

I don't read the usernames often which has lead to funny situations where I was having a pleasant conversation in one thread and a shit show in another with the same person.

I engage like I would with small talk with a stranger. We don't need to exchange names to chat, it's not important. Hell I used to talk with a handful of people daily when I rode the city bus. Did that for 2 years. We never learned each others names. I even went to one of their kid's weddings. Was quite the party, still didn't catch their name though.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Which is fine, until you know someones pronouns. At which point, continuing to use they/them becomes an issue that will get moderator action.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What about names? If I decide then and there not to use pronouns at all, and instead refer to that person by name, how would that weigh?

How about "that person" or "that user"?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If someone makes it clear they're not comfortable with the way you're addressing them, change the way you address them. If you can't change the way you address them without making yourself uncomfortable, then stop engaging with the person in question

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

As long as they haven't expressed discomfort at being referred to using regular nouns, then. Good to know!

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