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Agonizing: Stay or Go (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Preface: This thread is less about asking for reasons to stay/go, and more of an attempt to not feel alone.

We have the means and opportunity to leave the United States in the near future. As much as we don't want to upturn our lives, we also want to live free.

Reasons to go:

We are not confident that the current political order will do anything but make life worse for trans people
We are not confident that any political order in the next few elections would try and help trans people
Living in the USA with documents that don't match gender identity is a red line for us
It's clear that the USA has been like this for some time. It just happens to be our turn

Reasons to stay:

We live in a safe area of a "safe for now" state (Counter-counter: for now)
We recently settled down here, thinking it would be for the rest of our lives (Counter-counter: It's "just" material stuff)
We have queer friends whom we'd be leaving behind
Why should we disappear from our homeland without a fight? (Counter-counter: What kind of fight do we have the physical/mental energy to put up?)
The places to which we can escape could just as easily turn against us

Has anyone else been wrestling with this? Most of our queer friends do not have the means to consider flight like we do. Additionally, our non-queer friends who would have the means don't see the same danger signs that we do. It just doesn't seem like we have anyone to talk to about this.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

I was faced with a similar decision many years ago. At the time, I don't think I could have enumerated all the problems I saw as clearly as you did above. Instead I was just filled with a vague sense of dread about trying to make a life in the US vs. a hopeful opportunity abroad. It made any long term planning nearly impossible, and it became clear that the future was somewhere beyond for me.

It was a good decision. It was still hard, as life tends to be. Culture shock hits hard after about one year and the glow of the honeymoon period wears off, and then a longer term acclimation process begins. Strictly staying within the social circle of the expat bubble is not recommended. Becoming part of the community, putting down roots, learning language, forming new friendships, following the different laws and social customs are all long term deep challenges. It also means family and friends are more distant. Those relationships change for better and worse.

Seek a good US tax specialist accountant early on for advice. The US still expects citizens to file taxes and report FBAR, even if the amount of tax owing is zero due to tax treaties.

Final advice: Whatever you choose, do it for positive reasons. The long term is a marathon and you need something to sustain you. It's better to run towards something rather than run away.