this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2025
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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/22098369

(found this community more fitting because im a lesbian, also because I see people get downvoted a lot in advice communities despite being made for advice)

she’s just not a very active person online. when she is, shes only active in group chats with her friends.

usually, she talks about video games, and is actually offline because she plays video games almost all the time.

is there any way to salvage the relationship? she’s too focused on her interests to be interested in mine, and like I said, is almost always playing games so we barely talk aside from: “hi ❤️” “Hi sweetie ❤️” “hru??” “Good, just playing games, you?” “good :)) im listening to music” and then the conversation ends because she doesn’t message first and is busy with the other stuff.

(i have tried talking to her and she says she’s usually busy. shes either genuinely busy, busy with games, or in a bad mood and doesn’t feel like talking [sad/tired])

she either types “oh!” “…/.” or “erm what 😨” when i say smth

also, shes quite dry around me, often giving like one word responses and only being super energetic around her friends and when posting about video games.

idk if she’s actually just busy or making excuses, since shes usually talking to her friends or other partner (open relationships)

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago (14 children)

Gaming consumes time and brain power. Don't expect a dedicated gamer to socialize too much in aspects other than the games they play or are interested in.

If you wanna talk, you gotta bring it. They won't because they can't. Their mind is blank in topics other than their games.

It's a mini world they live in and you're the connection with the outside. Think of it as keeping them up-to-date.

Anyway, this is in the scenario that your relationship is still relatively good.

If the relationship is going cold, this effort, should you choose to accept it, might end up doing nothing to stop the decline.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (13 children)

she never offers to play video games w me, I’ve tried talking to her abt getting into them and she just doesn’t socialize :(

plus she’s obsessed with guys and has love notes about (male actors or ai men, i would assume) in her notes and when i flirtatiously ask who she’s talking about, she acts guilty and says she can’t tell me ??

she says one of them is her bf and makes sexual comments about him, also says he got her pregnant

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Wat? No. This is neither normal nor ok.

Like, some people aren't very communicative on their phone but love real interaction. But it sounds more like this girl is... not good to be around. Online or otherwise. Since you are polyamorous you can just start dating other women. You aren't really required to break it off now. This is of course not good relationship advice - just advice for this particular situation that you find yourself in.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

i actually did break up with her last year because she thought i didn’t care about her. she then said i broke up with her because i’m a horrible person and said i assaulted her.

then, after a year, she apologized profusely and said she can and has changed.

anyway, i’ve tried starting a convo on the phone and it starts out flirty but then it’s just her talking about her interests and hot guys (which i don’t find interesting as im a lesbian 😅)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Is it possible shes hinting shes not interested in you?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

probably. i’ve never done this but if i started to mention other girls, that would generally mean i was losing interest.

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