this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2025
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I think ~~this 'meme'~~ the title of this post is a great example of what the problem really is. I do not have any issues with trans people. What I have a major problem with is that voicing an opinion, or have any form of meaningful debate, is met with immense aggression, trolling, cancelling, intimidation.
I am for example not completely convinced about trans women in female sports and am sympathetic to arguments from both sides. Even voicing that will cause me to be vilified by one side.
Another example is transition care for children. I believe that at a young age making an irreversible choice is dangerous and we should be careful. Not saying care should abolished, just saying that such a big life decision needs extreme care because it can cause irreparable harm later in life. Again a reasonable, well willing position that will cause this to be downvoted into oblivion.
So, trans people, I support you to exist, be happy, live a meaningful life. But unfortunately there's a group of loud people who are honestly behaving like psychopaths who are making it hard to stay sympathetic. Wake up.
(Edit) Wanted to share this NY times post that puts thing much more eloquent than I ever could: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/26/opinion/gay-lesbian-trans-rights.html
I had to laugh at this ridiculous line from the opinion piece:
The whole idea that transition care is "getting rid" of gay people is ridiculous, I was into girls way before I transitioned. The other trans people I know are all extremely gay.
You are concerned about a child making a decision that they may regret... so you think the decision should be made for them?
"I get aggression and trolling"
"people being mean to me are psychopaths who make it hard for me to stay sympathetic to trans people"
I think the 'dark joke' is one of those jokes that actually reveals how some people feel about this; what I got the opinion piece is that some folks in the gay community worry that wanting to transition can also mean being attracted to the same sex and being confused about it at a young age.
Not exactly, a child is a person and should have agency. But at the same time, they're a child and are less experienced in life. I don't let my kid eat ice cream whenever they feel like it, and I wouldn't let him make such a major decision before he knows very sure who he is. Because transitioning is a decision, but who you are is not. And I believe that when you're so young, it's really hard to know who you are.
I'm gonna try to reply to this in good faith as you seem to be wanting to engage in a good faith discussion, so let me tell you my experience.
I'm a trans girl.
Before I even have memories I was always (according to my mother) asking for skirts and dresses and playing with dolls and makeup. These moments were always taken as a joke or as me 'being in a phase' and were brushed off and ignored. My earliest memories have me confused why my sister gets to wear pretty dresses to church but I have to wear a boring suit. I remember 'borrowing' my sister's nail polish, makeup, and dresses as early as age NINE. Did I have the understanding of what I was feeling? No. This was in the 90s, trans people werent as widely known in the US, especially the South. But if you'd given me the option to transition at age 9, I would've taken it in a heartbeat.
How do I know?
I'd slip out of my window EVERY NIGHT after everyone had gone to bed to wish on the first star I laid eyes on to be a girl. Sure, it wasn't the first star to appear, but it was the first one I saw! That counted, right? I remember watching the episode of Sabrina the Teenaged Witch where she made a potion to turn herself into a boy to figure out what her boyfriend did in the auto shop. What did I do immediately after the episode ended? Went into the kitchen and tried to make my own potion with 'sugar and spice and everything nice'. Glitter is nice! Oh and soda! Soda's very nice.
I went to bed daydreaming of going to hogwarts and finding a potion that could make me right. I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed for a way to change my gender that when I finally heard about trans people at age 17, my reaction wasn't 'hmmm, this is interesting. I wonder if this is what I'm feeling', instead it was 'Oh, THAT's what this is? There are other people like me?!?!?!'
Scientific studies have shown that a child's concept of gender is already developed by age 4. Studies have also shown that a child's understanding of who they are ALSO develops pretty early on. And, yes, in cases of children going on hormones, it is all done in conjunction with the child's experiences, the doctor's EXPERTISE in the matter, and the parents' consent. They aren't just walking into a doctor's office and boosting little timmy up with E. Before any medicine has been taken there is EXTENSIVE screening through therapy and physician visits over the course of YEARS.
This isn't a question that nobody has ever asked. It's studied. It's tested over the course of DECADES. And lastly, it's (frankly) none of your business unless it's YOUR kid, at which point you have complete control over whether your child goes through with any of it (up until age 18 at least).
My experience was that I was not attracted to men at all, but because I liked sailor moon and painting my nails people would just assume that I was. It just strikes me as a very paternalistic attitude to be worried about misguiding poor gay people who are simply "confused".
Being trans is very much a part of who you are. However while there has been a tremendous social pressure to repress over the years, trans people are not a recent development.
I'm a trans woman, I transitioned later in life, but I knew from a very young age that I was uncomfortable as a boy and I didn't have the words to describe it until much later in life.
I grew up in the 90s's/00's and back then the gatekeeping and lack of information was pretty bad. Unless you were presenting with an acute mental health condition you really weren't getting taken seriously. I was able to hold my shit long enough to go to a college and land a career because throwing myself into work (and drinking heavily) was my coping skill.
Meeting and working with another trans person after years of repressing that feeling was all it really took for me to put it together and transition myself after 10+ years of denial. That's also what happens when trans people are erased from daily life.
I think it's a good thing that kids actually get listened to when they say what they want. It's not 'ice cream for dinner' but that orientation does speak volumes. None of these transition decisions get made flippantly, this is a process that takes years and plenty of oversight.