Bipolar Disorder

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Trying not to implode my life. (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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BP2. I've been in a depressive episode for almost 2 weeks now and I just can't fucking deal right now. I run my own business and I'm ready to fire one client and to tell another to take their project elsewhere. I know, I KNOW I should not be making decisions like this in this state, but I just can't handle it anymore. I basically quit in the middle of a meeting this morning because I couldn't handle another pedantic fucking conversation, and now everyone is messaging me asking if I'm OK, and I'm not. And there's really fun work that I should be focusing on, but I'm too preoccupied with the crap stuff, and I only have like 1/10th of the energy I should have, anyway, so I can barely muster the energy to just exist.

Thanks for reading. Maybe tell me to not screw up my life right now. Or tell me to go for it. I'm good either way.

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[–] gaydarless 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

I am in a similar spot myself. Try to hold strong—I always try to remind myself that "this (episode) too shall pass," but unfortunately the consequences of decisions made during episodes often linger. If you can take some time off, even just a few days, maybe that will help a bit. Wishing you lots of luck.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Thanks. The weekend is coming up, so maybe that'll help, but I remember being in this same position last week, and thinking that the weekend would help 😅. I really hope this episode ends soon.

[–] gaydarless 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I hope so too! The irritability is brutal. Especially when you know why you're feeling/behaving the way you are, but you still can't do anything about it and are expected to just keep chugging along "as usual."

Do you find that any modifying any behaviours/patterns (like sleep schedule, regularity of eating) helps? Sometimes I'm able to lessen the emotional impact by paying more attention to those areas. But much easier said than done when you're operating on really low energy.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

I dunno, my therapist has me trying things all the time, but at this point I feel like it's all chemical, and nothing I do has any kind of real lasting impact. I can make myself feel better by doing an activity, but as soon as that activity stops, the dopamine drops with it. And sadly the last 2 meds I tried didn't work out, so at this point I'm just in the 'tough it out' part of therapy 🤣😭