NFL
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One component that affects it is that the defender is allowed to compete for the ball. So if they've got their head round to see it and are going for it then they're given more leniency than if they just check someone's progress while running downfield.
So, roughly (although it IS incredibly subjective): pulling on an arm in a way that prevents a defender getting to the position to catch the ball=bad. Pulling on an arm while you're both trying to get to an incoming ball=ok.
Subjective rules suck, but I also don't have any better ideas. I don't remember the defender turning around, but you could be right. It all happens so fast in real life that maybe they just didn't notice or realize. Or maybe it was a completely legitimate play and I have wrong expectations. Just have to keep watching.