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I feel like less of a man because of how emotionally sensitive I am. (lemmy.fmhy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I don't know how else to describe it, but all my male friends and family are very unemotional. Not in the sense that they don't feel anything, but that they are a lot better at handling them and I feel like I'm not. I've tried meditation, therapy, healthy eating and a better sleep schedule but nothing works. I still anger and get upset at the smallest things and I feel like I'm less masculine than my friends. Im even known as the super emotional guy in the group and they often tease me about it, which makes things worse. My family constantly talk down to me as I don't work out much and am very thin and short while my younger bros are jacked and tall. I don't know what to do and really needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I think this is an important distinction. You don't want to become unfeeling, but you do want to become more in control of your feelings.

Ehhhhhhhhh.... You want to be in control of your actions. Trying to control your feelings just tends to lead to thinks like repression.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

My dad always told me that we cannot control our feelings but can control what we do with it. Its amazing advice

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (2 children)

You also want to regulate your feelings. It's not helpful to e.g. let your anxiety drive you into a frenzy, or your depression drive you to harm yourself. Emotional regulation (not suppression) is an important skill.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago

True, and fair. A big part of regulation, though, is actually feeling and acknowledging those emotions, and giving them permission and space to exist.

Observation vs containment.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

if your anxiety is running crazy it's doing so for a reason

Often that reason is you keep dismissing the part of yourself whose entire purpose is to protect you from danger

What do you expect it to do but get worse? You're ignoring the alarm bell, all it can do is ring louder and harder.

"regulating" that signal is the exact wrong response, even in extreme cases. You need your fear and anxiety to regulate itself to be properly tuned to the danger you need to be aware of, which means more communication with your self, not less.

Emotional regulation (not suppression) is an important skill.

Wholeheartedly disagree. This is an unhealthy attitude to take.

Regulating your own actions is an important skill, and seeing and understanding how those actions relate to those emotions, that as well.

But your emotions are part of you, they are a part that deserves to be listened to and respected, and nothing in your response indicates you put in effort to do that.

Which makes sense. We, as men, are not at any point given the time or space to do so, and are often just physically beaten if our emotions are ever a problem for other people. It makes sense that repression and controlling them becomes the go-to for most

Doesn't make it right (or healthy)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

Yeah, exactly. Feelings inside will just build up. Been there, I'll never come back.