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I feel like less of a man because of how emotionally sensitive I am. (lemmy.fmhy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I don't know how else to describe it, but all my male friends and family are very unemotional. Not in the sense that they don't feel anything, but that they are a lot better at handling them and I feel like I'm not. I've tried meditation, therapy, healthy eating and a better sleep schedule but nothing works. I still anger and get upset at the smallest things and I feel like I'm less masculine than my friends. Im even known as the super emotional guy in the group and they often tease me about it, which makes things worse. My family constantly talk down to me as I don't work out much and am very thin and short while my younger bros are jacked and tall. I don't know what to do and really needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I don’t know how else to describe it, but all my male friends and family are very unemotional. Not in the sense that they don’t feel anything, but that they are a lot better at handling them and I feel like I’m not.

Suppressing your feelings and “handling” them are NOT the same thing. Give yourself permission to feel anger. There’s no shame in that.

You’re picked on relentlessly, by the people who should be a source of comfort and support. It’s okay to be angry about that. Frankly, it sounds like they’re the ones who need to control themselves, but since they don’t, all you can do is deal with it.

I have anger management issues. Over time, I’ve learned to recognize the “warning signs” of an outburst, and prevent it before it affects others. I don’t waste time criticizing myself for getting angry in the first place, because getting angry isn’t something I can control. I CAN control my reactions to anger, though. Remember to think of those things separately - feeling anger (which is okay) and reacting to anger (which you need to work on).

Sometimes I just need to remind myself to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I actually need to leave the room, and give myself time to calm down. No, it’s not ideal, but it’s a lot better now than when I was fourteen.

Learning to control yourself takes time. You can do it, but it will take a while. Don’t get frustrated and quit. Give yourself credit for small steps, because they matter more than you think.

For example, if you realize “I’m about to be an asshole”, then proceed to act like an asshole anyway, that is progress. Don’t criticize yourself for “failing”. Be proud of yourself for beginning to recognize your limits. That’s a major step. You can’t begin to work on your reactions until you get to know yourself!