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I feel like less of a man because of how emotionally sensitive I am. (lemmy.fmhy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I don't know how else to describe it, but all my male friends and family are very unemotional. Not in the sense that they don't feel anything, but that they are a lot better at handling them and I feel like I'm not. I've tried meditation, therapy, healthy eating and a better sleep schedule but nothing works. I still anger and get upset at the smallest things and I feel like I'm less masculine than my friends. Im even known as the super emotional guy in the group and they often tease me about it, which makes things worse. My family constantly talk down to me as I don't work out much and am very thin and short while my younger bros are jacked and tall. I don't know what to do and really needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

To deny that a patriarchal system exists is naive. A one sentence response to a 3 paragraph comment is woefully weak and inadequate and does nothing but make it seem like you're sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling "No! No! I'm not listening!"

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I don't have a problem with the rest of the comment, but the feminist terminology is grating.

'Patriarchy' is commonly defined as "a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it" (as per r/AskFeminists.) This is simply not the kind of society we live in. In Western countries at least (and most others as well) women are represented at all levels of government, and there are no systemic barriers to participation.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Ah ok we're just getting hung up on semantics, not a huge deal. There are lots of theories and definitions, I didn't subscribe to /r/Feminism on the other site and I don't intend to here so I'm not sure what definition they endorsed. I'm referring to the existing systems that try to define masculinity as emotionless and stoic, sees their role as bread-winner and disciplinarian, obsessed with sex to the exclusion of everything else. The systems that say "boys don't cry" and "man up" when things are hard, those are systems exist in the west and are absolutely part of "patriarchy" or whatever phrase we agree to use.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago

It's not just semantics. Terms such as "patriarchy", "toxic masculinity", and "male privilege" habitually come with a load of negative messaging about what it means to be a man. That is toxic and we should avoid that.

I prefer terms such as "harmful gender expectations" as it puts the locus of the problem in society rather than the nature of men. Young men growing up deserve better than to be demonized for their gender and to be driven into the arms of toxic figures like Tate.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

The patriarchy has never even existed in western society. The gendered problems you're talking about were caused by the monarchy.