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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/forwardintothat on 2024-01-22 16:48:38+00:00.
I’m kind of torn here, and I’m not sure if I’m just being bitter.
So I (25 F) had my first baby with my husband (29 M) back in August. She’s a good baby for her age, isn’t colicky and loves to play. However, she’s never been great with naps and she won’t take more than a 30 minute nap at a time. She sleeps a solid twelve hours at night so we know she’s getting enough sleep, it’s just hard sometimes to get anything done during the day, and it’s especially hard to put her down for a nap. From the beginning, my husband and I had discussed me going back to work. He teleworks 100% of the time, and I telework 50% of the time, because my job requires me to be in the field some days. I thought we were on the same page about this until today, when I had to go back to work.
My husband was pouting this morning. I asked him what was wrong, and he sighed, stating “do you really have to go back to work?” I was confused, because we’d talked about this already, and I’d been reminding him my maternity leave was ending so this shouldn’t have been a shock. We’d also worked out us being the primary caretaker of our daughter every other day (when I’m teleworking I’ll watch her) and I thought this was fair. He then proceeded to go on and on about “what if I get fired” and “how will I have time to work” and empathized that I should just be a stay at home mom.
This is where I start to get frustrated. I have been caring for my daughter 95% of the time since her birth. When she was a newborn my husband used to leave me by myself with her so that he could go off to DJ somewhere, or go over to his friends house to make music. I was the one waking all the time, every night, to care for her. I was the one that did all the regressions, growth spurts, and leaps. My husband, in my opinion, has had it easy with our daughter up until now because I’m not around to jump in when he decides things are getting too hard for him to deal with. It’s even in his job description that he’s allowed to do childcare while he’s working so that’s not even a good excuse.
Now where I may be the AH is that ultimately, this isn’t our infant daughter’s fault. She can’t feed or put herself to sleep on her own and I’m worried she’s going to be all out of wack from him caring for her because he doesn’t always pay attention, he’s relied on me to watch her. Now I don’t know if I should just quit my job so I can watch her. I guess what I’m saying is I may be an AH because my daughter needs me, if that makes sense. AITA?