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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/not_j17 on 2024-01-23 21:53:25+00:00.
TL;DR: I spread part of my grandpas ashes at my family’s plot after his wife cremated him behind our family’s back.
I (f19) grew up very close to my grandfather. his daughter, my mom, raised me and my siblings as a single mother and Grandpa was a big help throughout my childhood. Him and our family have always decided that he would be buried in our family plot (where my late grandmother and great grandparents are).
After my grandmother passed away, Grandpa remarried to “Doris”. Doris is nice and all but she hadn’t made much of an effort to connect with my side of the family. She’s made some slightly insensitive comments about my late grandmother at family gatherings. I’ve always blamed it on her being a little tipsy or something. Other than that she’s pleasant, and always welcome to family gatherings and holidays.
My grandfather died in the hospital after a 4 day coma and my family was devastated. Doris was bedside for his last days and handled most of the paperwork. However, she decided to have him cremated without consulting my mother or anyone from our side of the family. In fact, she lied about having Grandpa cremated, and compromised with my mom to have him buried in a local cemetery so she could be close to him.
We only found out that he hadn’t been buried when Doris showed up to our home WITH HIS ASHES in a grey urn. She said it was a last minute decision and that she couldn’t imagine a life without him and now he can stay in the house etc. etc…
While she and my mom were arguing and calling family members, i took a portion of his ashes, drove to our cemetery and spread them at our family plot. I didn’t think anyone would notice but i guess i hadn’t closed the urn properly and i confessed to what i did when Doris confronted me. I told her it was a “last minute decision”. She’s furious and insists that she’s never speaking to our family again. No one else in the family knows and I don’t think Dorris is going to reach out to them, and my Mom is glad that at least some of him is in our state but wishes I could’ve done that with her permission/knowledge. I definitely could’ve handled that better but AITA?