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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA_lwsister on 2024-01-23 23:12:31+00:00.
I am in a relationship with my boyfriend whose former life partner (wife) died few years ago. Recently he introduced me to his family, including the late wife’s family.
Her sister seemed very hostile to me. To some extent I empathised with her grief, but she did not seem interested in talking to me and seemed very stiff.
My boyfriend and I were having a dinner party and everyone was there, including the sister. We were talking about our meet cute and some silly yet sweet experiences we have shared as a couple.
I went to the kitchen to get some water when I saw her come in. She told me that no matter what, I would never be able to replace her sister. I told her I don’t intend to, I have my own place in his life and I don’t feel threatened by her sister’s memory at all. She is a part of his life story and an important one at that. I hope as a future life partner I am able to be his rock.
I do not know what happened but she got very upset. She told me that the only reason I am his girlfriend is because his real love died. I took offence to this statement and felt that she was trying to “put me in my place”
I told her that although I understood she was still grieving, what she said was very disrespectful and in poor taste. I told her that I find it extremely surprising she thinks that’s an acceptable thing to say to someone who’s dating a widowed person. I corrected her that two people do not get together because an ex partner dumped them or passed on, but because they truly love each other and feel that connection.
My boyfriend didn’t suddenly have the hots for me specifically because she died. He grieved himself, put himself back together, decided he wanted a life partner and sought me out.
And we, certainly are dating for the right reasons, not because we are seeking only companionship.
After that she started sobbing uncontrollably and I felt bad. I was simply trying to put boundaries by asserting my value, I didn’t want to hurt her
AITA?
ETA: Some of you rightly pointed out about therapy. I am actually over 50, and have been a therapist for over 20 years now. I actually think I have an annoying habit of “analysing” people the moment I sense they are feeling off and I naturally know how to articulate my feelings.
Thanks for being kind to me. Yea, I corrected husband to boyfriend because we’ve been together for quite some time now and since we are a tad old people assume we are married haha
ETA 2: No idea why someone would send me reddit care resources.