transgender

Oh fun! My story is a bit off the rails for this but I promise you it's all true. TL;TR Trigger warning: liberal parents were supportive of my trans little brother who came out before me but not of my nonbinary identity. Storywise, it actually makes for great tragic irony when you think about it. Anyways~

My FTM trans little brother (coincidentally out of 3 siblings, 2 of us are trans) came out to me by crying about his gender dysphoria (though he didn't use the language "I'm trans" because trans people were less well known at the time), so I (also trans, nonbinary specifically) told him about my gender dysphoria as well to empathize.

I thought he got the memo, but apparently he didn't because a bit later when he was discussing with our parents getting a name change, I also requested a name change, and was rebuffed by both my little brother and parents for something along the lines of "trying to steal his thunder" or smth. When I suggested the nonbinary name I wanted my trans little brother told me it was "still a girl's name," and my parents told me to be the bigger person. Regardless, the issue was glossed over and my parents supported my trans brother with getting a name change, a top surgery, and testosterone, meanwhile because I didn't want to get yelled at again I (again, also trans, except nonbinary) got nothing~ ❤️

At another point I told my mom I was nonbinary on a hike, and she was like "okay," but later she forgot it even happened?? And when I told her about it she claimed it never happened?? Gaslighting or she also didn't know what nonbinary meant and forgot it or it was a crazy fever dream on my part, call it.

At one point I did try again. I waited until my parents were on vacation at the beach and I had stayed home to call them to ask for a top surgery as well, with a microphone website recording the conversation on my computer. If it went badly, I wouldn't have to deal with the fallout. With the recording, at least I would have evidence in case they denied it happened again. Again, at this point I was somehow still "not out" to my parents, mostly because my entire family is socially braindead. Anyways, my mother yelled at me for 18 minutes about how I only talk to them when I want something (I wonder why).

I would probably summarize the issue my parents and little brother had in regards to my identity was not really accepting nonbinary identities as "real," even though they were left-leaning and accepting of binary trans identities. In context, this happened sometime around 2018 when trans awareness/acceptance was only just starting to take traction, but nonbinary awareness/acceptance was much more fringe. Additionally, my trans little brother was always more masculine presenting, but I was always more androgynous presenting, which probably made it easier for them to interpret me as feminine. Add to that "eldest daughter" is more of an integral social role than "youngest daughter." They also weren't really good parents in the first place, their terrible parenting gave my cPTSD & childhood amnesia up to age 12-14 or so.

My parents and trans little brother would eventually "come around," to being accepting (though they never actually apologized, that's how it is in my family you gloss over problems instead of addressing them), but after this point I was done relying on them for anything, so when I became an adult I got a name change without telling them (though they eventually found out), got off the family insurance plan, created my own credit card and bank accounts, got low-dose testosterone & top surgery again without telling them (I got top surgery with absolutely no support, paid for what insurance didn't cover myself, and walked to class the very next day on 0 hrs of sleep it was absolutely hilarious. 'Major surgery' my ass hahahahahaha igotreallyluckylol).

My parents still aren't the best about using my name & pronouns, but to be honest I don't really care because I'm still planning to go no-contact with them as soon as I graduate and get a stable career lmaooo

Oh, but when I told my friends in highschool about being nonbinary they were much more normal about it, so it's not all bad lol. Technically my story is also much better than being kicked out and left to be homeless on the streets, so I really can't complain 😎 👍

Started questioning if I was trans in my late 20s and al.ost immediately told my brother. He was skeptical, but wanted to know more and wanted to know more. So, gave me a good chance to talk about all the things I had been thinking about. A lot of "well, technically some cis people can relate too" (tbf, I agreed) until I got to something that caught him off guard. Overall, it was exactly the kind of conversation I was looking for. He's been really supportive and encouraging.

"Are you sure" followed by "Are you keeping your penis".

The divorce was thankfully mutual.

I don't remember what the reaction was online, it was a long time ago. I vaguely remember it being kinda neutral, like "so?" which was a little disappointing.

Irl the reactions were:

My sister: "yeah, no shit? Me too!" (In her case, she's enby)

My dad: "I want you to be the best "you", and if this is who the best "you" is, then this is who you should be."

My mom: a panic attack followed by lots of comments about how I'm like the brother she never had, how she always wanted a son, etc.

My youngest cousin (mom's side): "I support you 🤜🤛"

Dunno about my aunt, uncle and other maternal cousin; didn't get a chance to come out to them myself; thanks, Mom. >.>

Dunno if I'll ever tell my paternal extended family; at least not until I manage to get on my feet. I'd probably get a mix of "hell yeah, sis" from the youngest, and "you're going to hell" from the oldest.

The reactions from my sister and cousin were 100% expected; my sister had told me she was questioning in the past, and also mentioned that my youngest cousin was very defensive of his LGBT friends when she'd talked to him about it. However, my mom and dad were kinda the opposite of what I was expecting. I was expecting for my dad to have hang-ups since he had two older sisters and only nieces (all of whom tend to lean more conservative); while I was expecting my mom to be more supportive since her side of the family leans more liberal.

That said my mom has been coming around and I think it's because she's seen how much happier I am and is seeing the me that's been hiding in my shell. Also I think she's realized that while I'm slowly feminizing, it wasn't gonna be an overnight thing like she was afraid of and that she has time to adjust and get used to it.

My relationship with my dad, though... has gotten kinda weird. Imagine telling your trans daughter "if this is the best you then be that you" and then later telling her that you're still upset she started HRT without your permission (I'm fucking 30 and not living with parents by choice, I wasn't even aware he was upset in the first place 🙄).

They still haven't been using my preferred pronouns, buuuuuuutt.... I've become comfortable enough that I've been starting to remind them; and I do think my mom kinda has a reasonable excuse because she has to talk to my grandparents every day or so. My grandparents don't know and may never know, and she's concerned about "giving me away" by accident. It's not that I think my grandparents are transphobic, per se (I think they'd be confused and struggle to understand), I just don't think I can trust them to not turn around and tell their church about how their grandson is actually their granddaughter.

Scoffing (T_T), second was laughter.

I think that person would be the one looking at you in the mirror and their reaction would be happy acceptance.

the first person I told was my partner, they reacted with immense relief, happiness, and tears of joy

I think mine was basically "yeah that makes sense"

"Makes sense, explains why you cross your legs like a girl" from my best friend (f) that's known me since I was 16