Trans

It's voting day in Germany so in a couple of hours I will find out if my gender marker and name change will be illegal going forth, or my existence. So yeah, fun times.

My cars battery died, which sucked, but I got to feel like the handy lesbian I want to be while I replaced it myself 🩷

had my third electrolysis session this week, despite all my efforts, it's often quite painful still and difficult to get through.

I have a special compounded 26% lidocaine cream that I apply many hours in advance, I take acetaminophen and other drugs to help me relax, etc. and I listen to an audiobook - but this time I found myself desperate for the session to be over, hoping it would end soon (even early on in the session). I also try to hydrate extensively and stay relaxed in general. I also like to try to eat a big meal before my session.

Just not sure what more I can do.

I'm thinking about asking the doctor to try xanax for the sessions - I have read online that people found that helpful.

Anyway, open to any suggestions. It's amazing to me that society considers this kind of pain acceptable to undergo, and it seems so unnecessary considering that lidocaine injections exist.

EDIT: I should say, the first electrolysis session I sweated through my clothes and through the sheet they put down, etc. - so I would say I'm doing a better job than the first time at managing the pain and stress, I just wonder what more I can do.

I usually use hemp tinctures like CBD (~ 60 mg) and a low dose of D8, and 1 tsp ashwagandha root powder to help me relax. I've tried kratom as well, but I can't tell if it's relaxing enough - I might need higher doses.

The acetaminophen I take is 500 mg, and I take it 30 minutes prior.

I'm in my mid 40s and finally starting HRT this week. it's always impressive how quickly things can move once you take the first step.

So mixed, but mostly good! For the last few months I've been chatting more and more with another girl over Discord; we've been playing games almost every night lately, sharing and setting up in-game photography sessions, and just being excited over girl things! I actually started to crush on her pretty hard... which is honestly crazy for me since I haven't had feelings like that in maybe 8-10 years (I'm so demiromantic it hurts). Unfortunately for my feelings, I found out she's married. Soooo on one hand, I'm super happy to know my heart can still feel so bubbly and excited towards another person... and I have such an AMAZING new friend, but on the other hand- ahhhh! I'll stay super thankful, though!! Since transitioning, I haven't had a friend like this to play games with, and sharing games with friends has always been such an important part of my life.

Stressful, and as always it’s hard to evaluate if it’s realistic fears or doomscrolling fears. I’ve been considering going back to school to get a different 2 year degree in an area that hopefully has more of a job market, but am I going to even want to be in the US for the next 2 years? I don’t know.

I keep feeling that I should be doing more transition-related stuff, but pointless activity isn't going to make things happen any faster. (Insert "No transition, just girl" meme here) I suppose I should do some real-life things at some point too. Wife isn't using my chosen name yet, but at least she's avoiding using the old one now. There is hope <3

Weight down to 69kg (nice!). Might actually hit my (totally arbitrary) goal after all.

Oh, and I went to see the finale of "sempai is an otokonoko" at the cinema. They were handing out stickers and limited-edition student IDs of the main characters.

shrug I have yet to keel over from stress, could be worse i guess. Going into work tomorrow to find out whats to be done about the latest stupid ass email from muskrat.

I have accomplished fuck all at work for quite some time now as the team I'm on has collectively automated ourselves out of a steady workload (IT). Really wishing i could go back to the team i was on before, it was busier and got me away from my desk regularly (even if it was technically helpdesk). I picked up a Net+ book and a Linux+ book to skill up a bit, mostly just for studying purposes rather than actually taking the tests for certs

Brain has been a fuck, soonest psychologist visit for ADHD diagnosis is mid April (assuming i still have a job by then); I sat in my car for a bit after scheduling, being angry with myself for putting this all off for half my damn life. I am struggling deeply with it right now and just wish i could start literally anything of my own free will

Car got stolen and now I can't make it to electrolysis.

So I'm doing awesome!

from anywhere in the US

I guess you need it more than us right now but I really do wish there something international.

My week was slightly above average for me though.