A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
If the United States could see what the United States is doing in the United States, the United States would invade the United States to liberate the United States from the tyranny of the United States.
It's a good thing the United States has spent a long time making sure the United States doesn't ever have to see what the United States is actually doing to the United States.
How in God's name do you bankrupt a casino?
Multiple times, too
By using it to launder money.
Using it to launder money usually results in an extremely profitable casino, not the opposite.
I have a feeling Trump thought money laundering involved laundromats.
Well you see, a casino is an extremely complex, mult-layered business in which customers enter said business with the expectation and intent of exchanging money for entertainment, and the casino itself is guaranteed through simple probabilities and statistics to have an advantage over the customer on all of the games presented, and.... oh wait. Yep, he must really suck at business.
A casino is a business where people give you money expecting nothing in return.
There are a lot of ruffles and flourishes to disguise that fact, but is the simple truth.
And Trump is so stupid he managed to fuck it up. Twice.
Bankrupting a casino is usually a good thing. E.g. "I'm the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo".
Bankrupting it from the outside is good for the guy who does it. But that's not the same thing.
Money laundering.
Launder whatever you want, but you could still be able to stay in the black.
By being Dumbass Donny.
From what I've read, if there was a deal where the other person would also benefitted from it, he would see it as "money left on the table", and at worst he would instead crash out. This puts his financial decisions into context.
Bloody hell! So this is the Onion? The fucking world is upside down
@HowAbt2morrow
The Onion is a past master, and is second only to South Park, at critical predictive journalism
No, "The Shovel".
Absolutely brutal takedown.
Merrick Garland chugs dick
Such a fucking letdown. I didn't have a lot of faith in him, but I hoped that his being shut out of the SC would at least light a fire under his ass, hell what did he have to lose? FUUUCK!!
Move fast, break things can make sense in a garage startup.
Once you hit the ~$1M valuation, then you should really have a plan that has some depth and a deep understanding of the principles. The scale we are looking at is several orders of magnitude beyond that. It's lunacy.
This guy is speed running depression.