this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2023
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shitposting

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (5 children)

No. Your intestines are not rigid enough to withstand a vacuum strong enough to move liquid rapidly through you. Just look up any story about someone who sat on the drain valve of a pool and had their colon and parts of their large intestines sucked out their anus.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Do not go near those pool drains, no matter how good you think they feel on your butt. Those things will suck the intestines right out of you.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

I'll....take your word for that.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

And then never had calamari again once they broke free

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Maybe once all the intestines get sucked out you'll become straw-worthy?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Well yeah. biologically speaking we are all just really complicated moving donuts.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

So topologically speaking as well?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That would be quite shitty straw…

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

No they're a candelabra

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Play being a giant and use a prawn as a straw.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

If you want to first drink a disgusting concentrated solution of chloridic acid that would literally burn your mouth... That's how far you can realistically get. It's closed after that

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Like getting a fly in your piña colada that got stuck in the straw

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

applies chapstick

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

That’s my kink.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Humans are donuts.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

That would be one hell of a cleanse!