this post was submitted on 22 Oct 2023
21 points (95.7% liked)

The Monkey's Paw

650 readers
1 users here now

Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

That’s it

top 14 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Very well... But they're all only half-popped and have rock hard kernels.

[–] AdminWorker 8 points 2 years ago

And if you eat any, they will give you those "popcorn splinters" between your gums and teeth

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

I love the half popped ones. I’ve debated trying to figure out if I can make only half-popped kernels with a sous vide.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Granted. You feel something on the palms of your hands. You look at them and see small golden brown blisters that are growing. They continue to grow until they reach the size of a popcorn kernel. At which point they pop into popcorn. It's the the most delicious buttery popcorn you've ever had. But the blisters don't stop appearing, and now they're starting to get painful.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

You monster. I hate that I love this.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Granted. Corn stalks begin violently bursting from your father's mouth. His hand reaches out as you back away. He falls to the ground, endless corn kernels pouring from his open mouth.

"Pop?" You whisper through the tears.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Oh man so underated!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Granted. You're given a bag of popcorn kernels. It's not microwavable.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It's actually pretty easy to pop those. You just need some oil and salt and voila! Homemade Popcorn

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

They didn't wish for a heat source.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Oh yeah I do it all the time. It's a low pendulum swing on this wish, they didn't ask for anything large or vague.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Granted. I hope you like your new braces. They are permanent.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Popcorn field caught in wildfire causes chaos in local community.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Granted. The corn was contaminated while in storage, and now you have dysentery.