NFLPowerRankers

Welcome to week 11 of the official r/NFL Power Rankings! With a 157 rating over the last two games, Purdy and seems to have taken the slump personally but how far will it take the niners? Mahomes is playing on All-Madden without adjusting sliders, how many ridiculous drops can he endure before rage-quitting? With another strong win, has Sean Payton justified his bucket hat ban? Tim Boyle will solve all of Saleh's problems, right? Discuss! 30/32 Reporting

1. | | Eagles | -- | 9-1 | “We suck,” “we look so bad,” “what is happening,” “are we fucked?”, “…never in doubt.” Hanging on by the skin of their beaks, the Eagles remain in sole possession of the NFL’s best record. The offense, despite some head-scratching play calls (looking at you, bubble screens and coward’s draws), did just enough against a top defense that dominated the line of scrimmage, a first for the Eagles in a long time. The defense made some key plays down the stretch, like securing an INT, forcing a fumble, and placing a witch’s hex on MVS’s hands. This is the 2023 Philadelphia Eagles experience: winning games is all that matters, much to the chagrin of aesthetically pleasing football. At 9-1, the Eagles have oddly given Philly fans much to complain about, but this team does share one thing in common with the dominant 2022 birds: lots of wins, not a lot of losses. Next up, another AFC powerhouse underperforming relative to their potential in the Bills.
2. | | Ravens | +1 | 8-3 | A week after the Ravens had multiple opportunities to close the door on Cleveland and couldn’t do it, they faced an essential must win at home for keeping pace in the AFC North race with a primetime matchup against Cincinnati. They did exactly that; despite Mark Andrews going down early in the first quarter, Lamar and the offense remained surgical exceeding 400 yards and 34 points while pushing the Ravens to 8-3. Unfortunately it's becoming exceedingly rare to see Burrow vs Lamar for a full 60 minute tilt. Fans leaguewide were hyped for what should've been a playoff atmosphere but was yet another Thursday night letdown featuring far too many injuries. Up next is a trip out west against what appears to be a floundering Chargers team. Make no mistake though, the Chargers' talent level far exceeds their 4 wins having only lost a single game this season by more than a field goal. If the Ravens can take care of business in LA they'll get a much needed week 13 bye to help a slew of All Pros(Marlon Humphrey, Ronnie Stanley, Marcus Williams) heal up and make our healthiest December push in years.
3. | | Chiefs | -1 | 7-3 | I was going to write a blurb this week but I dropped the ball. The weeks after a Chiefs' loss always drive me nuts because the jackals come out of the woodworks with hot takes. Do the Chiefs have the worst WRs in the NFL? Probably. Is it an issue that they haven’t scored in the 2nd half in 3 games? Definitely. Is this still one of the best teams in the NFL with a great chance of winning the 1 seed and grinding their way into playoff wins? Also yes. Stay healthy and don’t get flustered and we’ll see what happens in January.
4. | | Lions | -- | 8-2 | Holy shit Detroit had no business winning that game, and yet here we are, with the Brand New Lions at 8-2, their best record to start a season in the Super Bowl era. While Goff had a largely abysmal outing, he cleaned it up when it counted, going 10-12 for 115 yards and a TD on the final two drives to complete a 12 point comeback in under 4 minutes. Aidan Hutchinson had his second strip-sack game-ender of the year, having done the same thing to Desmond Ridder in week 3. Overall, this was a gritty, come-from-behind win in a divisional game that could have easily been a loss, and the resilience to get a win is stunning, given this club’s historical track record. This week, Lions welcome GB to Detroit for the annual Thanksgiving game on Thursday, looking to win their first turkey game since 2016.
5. | | 49ers | -- | 7-3 | Brock Purdy became only the 3rd 49ers QB to ever post a perfect passer rating in a game, en route to a 27-14 win over the Buccaneers. On the other side of the ball, losing Hufanga for the season is a big loss for a defensive unit that has been struggling against the pass. Stepping into the role is the rookie Ji'Ayir Brown, 3rd round pick out of Penn State. Coming in after the Hufanga injury, he initially struggled but seemed to gain his footing and effectively ended the game with his interception in the red zone. His first start will come in Seattle on Thanksgiving day.
6. | | Cowboys | -- | 7-3 | This platform has one job this week: advocacy for your defensive player of the year: Daron Bland. This dude is redonk. First of all, before Thanksgiving, he has tied the NFL record for pick sixes. He still has 41% of the season left, and the record is tied. Now, on its own, in a vacuum, that is impressive. For added perspective, he has as many TD catches as Nuk Hopkins, as Davante Adams, as Calvin Ridley, as the entire Falcons WR room. Now, everyone knows that there is more to QB play than just picks. So, let's look at other numbers. When targeted, he has an EPA of -47.6. His PFF grade is 91.1. He is allowing a passer rating of 36.5, which is three points lower than just chucking it into the dirt every time. And this is all as a second year player who was bounced outside from the slot after an injury to Trevon Diggs.
7. | | Dolphins | -- | 7-3 | It's still hard to believe we only had to give up a 3rd round pick and Hunter Long in order to add Jalen Ramsey to this team. He has looked every bit as good as he was with the Jaguars, let alone with the Rams. In 3 games he has 3 interceptions, with one them clinching the game late in the 4th quarter in a 20-13 win against the Raiders. He was also the biggest reason why we've shut out our opponent in the second half for two straight games. Our next game will be a tough Black Friday game where we'll travel to Metlife to face an extremely tough Jets defense. Hopefully we'll have De'Von Achane for this game as he reinjured his knee on Sunday, returned to the sideline, but was held out just as a precaution.
8. | | Browns | -- | 7-3 | What is even happening right now?
9. | | Jaguars | -- | 7-3 | In his best Jekyll/Hyde impression, TLaw posted his worst performance as a passer only a week removed from one in his top 5. A microcosm of the Jaguars as a whole as even in week 11 they're trying to find themselves to solidify who or what they are as a team. If the smothering performance this week is to be believed, the Jaguars are looking to turn the corner like they did last season... only this time with several more wins as a head start. Next week's rematch of a Texans team that flattened them earlier in the season will provide a true litmus test for who the Jags are now. Are they the sad kittens who got handled by some gold diggers? Or are they an apex predator, salivating for a ribeye? 🥩
10. | | Bills | +3 | 6-5 | This is the offense BillsMafia has been waiting to see, plus it was against a Jets D that gave us fits in the first matchup. Buffalo’s entering a brutal stretch right now, so this was a must-win. Next on the docket? The defending NFC Champion Philadelphia Eagles. This is likely the toughest matchup of the season for the Bills, and it doesn’t get any easier after the bye. If this team is gonna make the playoffs, they need to show up like they did against the Jets every week —and they won’t have the luxury of playing Zach Wilson.
11. | | Texans | +1 | 6-4 | As fun as this season has been for the Texans, there was always going to be an inevitable back to Earth game at some point for CJ Stroud. That came on Sunday as he was picked 3 times. The good news is that even in his first “rookie game” he still threw for 336 yards and the Texans came out with the W. In a reversal from previous weeks, the defense came to the rescue at the end of the game stopping Kyler Murray on 4th down in a potential game winning drive. Will Anderson got his 3rd sack of the season and Derek Stingley had himself a takeaway as well. My main concern moving forward, however, has been the number of points being left on the field by the offense in recent games. Multiple fumbles, red zone interceptions, and fourth down stops have turned what probably should’ve been two blowouts into nail biters. With a showdown against the Jags for the top spot in the AFCS next week, the Texans will need to be able to finish drives.
12. | | Seahawks | -1 | 6-4 | So you see, that's where the trouble began. That smile. That damned smile. The Rams continue to be a massive thorn in Seattle's side. You can try and put the blame on a multitude of things-- the zebras and their affinity for seeing yellow pieces cloth soar through the air, Geno Smith and Ken Walker both getting injured, etc. But at the end of the day, the Seahawks controlled the game all afternoon and even put themselves in a position to win the game in the end. It just didn't work out. Geno Smith said his radio malfunctioned at the end, leading to calling the quickest play he could (an inside run), essentially guaranteeing it would be the last offensive play for the Seahawks and sending Jason Myers to attempt a 55 yarder. He had already nailed 52 and 54 yard kicks, but the 55 yard attempt wasn't even close. The Rams deserve credit, as they have now beaten us twice this season without Cooper Kupp (essentially) both games. They seem to have our number. Devon Witherspoon, Tariq Woolen, and DK Metcalf continue to be bright, bright spots for this team. Seattle plays the archnemesis 49ers on Turkey day, and boy will Lumen be loud.
13. | | Steelers | +1 | 6-4 | Two great defenses. They get it done in different ways. Cleveland are the more traditional defense who will shut an opponent down. The stat sheet bears that out, and it's what they did to Pittsburgh on Sunday. The Steelers are more of a playmaking defense. While they did make some good plays, they really needed some playmaking from the offense, but the Browns just weren't having it. Underrated matchup: Myles Garrett vs TJ Watt. Myles was big when it counted, TJ was carrying the defense along with Elandon Roberts, who really stepped up. The Steelers have a revolving door with the IR and it's going to be iffy moving forward due to injuries, but it was at least promising to see the team put up a good fight without being close to full strength. Amazingly, Kenny Pickett was the less worse QB in the duel vs Dorian Thompson-Robinson. Combined, they had as many yards as Aidan O'Connell did for the Raiders, which was 271. Jaylen Warren was the only bright spot on offense. Aside from one huge run play by him, Cleveland was very much in control on defense. A final observation: It was hard to see former Steeler Joshua Dobbs shedding the pressure by the Broncos when Kenny Pickett was getting gobbled up by less. It seems that for the passing game to progress, he needs to get the ball out quickly when the defense brings the house, he needs to be more physical when he's extending the play, or preferably, both.
14. | | Vikings | +1 | 6-5 |
15. | | Bengals | -5 | 5-5 | Joe Burrow's season has come to end with a wrist injury. Things look bleak, but Jake Browning was good in college in 2016, so there's still hope.
16. | | Saints | +1 | 5-5 | "There is a large graveyard filled with my enemies. I do not wish to add to it, but will if given no choice. Those who pick fights with me do so at their own peril, but maybe this is their lucky day..." - Saints WR type tweet 15 mins before either they're cut, or the coach is fired. Which way will the buttered toast land in the coming weeks?
17. | | Broncos | +4 | 5-5 |
18. | | Chargers | -2 | 4-6 | https://twitter.com/Stop_Hammerzeit/status/1726356277348257930
19. | | Colts | -- | 5-5 | The Colts were on a bye this week, but just for fun, these are the starting QBs they're set to face the rest of this season: Baker Mayfield, Will Levis, Jake Browning, Kenny Pickett, Desmond Ridder, Aidan O'Connell and CJ Stroud. PFN declared ours the third-easiest remaining strength of schedule a week ago, and that was before Joe Burrow's season-ending wrist injury. A Week 18 win-and-in matchup against the Texans in Indy is definitely on the table 👀
20. | | Buccaneers | -2 | 4-6 | I'm depressed.
21. | | Rams | +4 | 4-6 | It took some friendly referees and a last second missed kick, but the Rams finally did enough to get back in the win column. Despite McVay’s awful time management and playcalling at the end of the game, the defense yet again carried the offense just enough and tanking is on pause as the schedule lightens up from here.
22. | | Raiders | -2 | 5-6 | There is no such thing as moral victories, and we weren't able to get the job done against the Dolphins this week. That being said, our defense was able to keep them in check, and forced 3 turnovers, unfortunately our offense was only able to produce 6 points off of those turnovers. At the end of the day though, I'm happier watching this team lose with AP coaching and AOC behind center than I was McDaniels and Jimmy G. Onto the Chiefs.
23. | | Falcons | +1 | 4-6 | A bye week to prepare for Nawlins means the offensive scheme will run as smoothly and efficiently as ever, right? Ridder given the nod at starter again is probably for the best, but best is still questionable to win the South. Atlanta needs a win this week, and losing Grady is a bigger blow than quarterback. It's time for Nielsen to prove why he deserves this DC promotion, perfect time to use his in house knowledge to beat his former team.
24. | | Packers | +3 | 4-6 | I watched the game from the bleachers in Lambeau this week and was not disappointed! The guy next to me was like "Jordan Love's gotta ink a game winning drive one of these days" and I reminded him that he already had a comeback against the Saints this year and he was like "well I guess we're looking for the second one then!" and we held up two fingers for the whole drive and then Doubs caught the touchdown and we all cheered and it was great! And the guys in front of us were like "ok Herbert wins these I'm getting flashbacks from the Rose Bowl he's gonna run it in and we're gonna be sad" and unlike the Rose Bowl Herbert just let his receivers drop passes and the Wisconsin team won and we were happy! I don't know these people's names but we celebrated like we were best friends. Sports are great y'all
25. | | Jets | -3 | 4-6 | And so the Zach Wilson era comes to an end. Make no mistake, this isn't a Sam Darnold situation where the organization failed to support the player. It's not as though Zach had no supporting cast during his time with and failed because the GM didn't invest in offense. In Zach's second year, he was throwing to Garrett Wilson, Elijah Moore, Corey Davis, Tyler Conklin, Breece Hall, and was protected by one of the most heavily invested offensive lines. The Jets had an elite defense for Zachs second and third year. Some players just don't have it. Sadly, the Jets downgraded their offense in every conceivable way to prepare for an Aaron Rodgers lead "all-in" push. The result is a historically bad offense paired with a very good defense and a team that will probably win just enough games to miss out on a Marvin Harrison Jr. level talent. Here's to picking 8th in the draft and to skipping the Black Friday game to hang up some Christmas lights. Fire Joe Douglas.
26. | | Commanders | -3 | 4-7 | Let the Ron RivEra end. Getting absolutely dunked on by Tommy DeVito should be the end of more than a few careers, especially a "defensive-minded" head coach and his defensive coordinator who have had several seasons and drafts to put together something serviceable. Brian Daboll hasn't beat the Cowboys or Eagles once, which is hilarious.. until you realize he's never lost to us once. This end result is F-tier. I suppose there is some consolation in the fact that Rivera's knack for getting shithoused by the Giants every year has contributed to their long term commitment to Danny Dimes, but boy does it feel bad. Leave it to this team to sack an undrafted free agent 3rd string quarterback NINE times, but still let him hang 3TDs on you, get no interceptions and overall have him look like Tom Brady out there. Remember, defense was supposed to be this team's strong point - defense is where they've spent most of their draft cap. Awful. Not that offense was any better with their 6 turnovers and overall dismal performance, starting with Howell who had what is probably his worst game yet. What a deflated, sad team. With the Cowboys (twice), Dolphins, Jets and Niners all left to come, the bottom of this pit may not yet be reached. Cowboys fans must be collectively hard as rocks knowing they have us twice in the next 7 weeks.
27. | | Titans | -1 | 3-7 | The Titans incapability to put together a basic football operation was displayed again on Sunday. The weakness of the offensive line combined with a defense that can’t get off the field never gave the Titans a chance to compete. Will Levis was pressured on 40% of his drop backs and the Titans only were able to run 38 plays. The 38 plays that the Titans ran was the fewest by any team this year and the 4th fewest over the past decade.
28. | | Cardinals | -- | 2-9 | Reddit's golden boy from Texas wearing a number 7 defeated an underrated Arizona player wearing #1. Wait, this isn’t r/nba! My bad folks. CJ Stroud is Kyler Murray’s father.
29. | | Bears | -- | 3-8 | In the wild, bears have no natural predator. That means they have no reason to be afraid of anything. The most unforgivable thing about the Chicago Bears coaching staff, on the other hand, is that they are absolute cowards led by a coward. For a season and a half now they've had nothing to lose by being aggressive in key moments - because everyone already expects them to lose. And yet every single time (except against Denver), they have consistently chosen the cowardly option. Chicago's total collapse against Detroit wasn't 'unimaginable' or 'stunning' or 'historic' or any of those other superlatives you saw online. It was absolutely predictable and sadly inevitable.
30. | | Giants | +1 | 3-8 | The Giants won on Sunday, proving that even led by resident basement-dweller, chicken cutlet enjoyer and 3rd string QB Tommy "Italian Stallion" DeVito, the G-Men still own the Commanders. The win itself was divisive among fans, as some were hoping for a full-fledged tank session while others just wanted to see some competent football. Regardless, fans have to be encouraged by the play from Tommy Salami on Sunday, who now has more games with multiple passing TDs than Kenny Pickett and over twice as many passing TDs as Daniel Jones in one-third the starts. The high-flying defense and a hopefully revitalized offense under Tommy Pastrami will now look to continue their success against a similarly woeful team in New England.
31. | | Patriots | -1 | 2-8 | The oldest tree in my yard is a Black Cherry. It’s seen about 100 trips around the sun, but it won’t last much longer. I found it choked by bittersweet vines and suffering from gummosis when I moved in. It’s tough watching this team fall into decay; no doubt about that. At this point the struggle is no longer with sadness or disappointment. The new boogeyman is boredom and disengagement. The bye week is a reprieve from sitting at the sick bed listening to “the machine that goes bing!” beat the tempo of creeping torpor. Have we seen the last win of Bill’s Patriots career? Will he rise for one last great day? Will he recover in a different climate, and have a different sort of goodbye? We keep vigil not because it is joyful, but because it is a simple expression of love. The weather may have changed, but the relationship endures. The program Bill leads has been not just a source of entertainment, but inspiration for my entire adult life. There is no football fan alive today who can honestly say that Belichick has not left an indelible mark upon the game itself. His reign of glory lasted longer than it had any right to, and everything that has a beginning has an ending. I’m here to honor that ending. I hold the same gratitude in my heart that I held in the best of times. Those memories are mine. They cannot be taken. I could never ask for more than I have already received. So I sit and watch as this team falls into repose. Ready to enjoy one last sunny day should the skies clear, but comforted by the warm glow of celebration radiating through time even as the wind blows fiercer, and frost glazes the windows. Some day that Black Cherry will expire. New trees will grow in the light it once shaded, and the soil they enjoy will be fertile for generations thanks to its contributions in both life and death.
32. | | Panthers | -- | 1-9 | We need a better offensive line. We need an offensive line that cares about their QB getting sacked. We need better wide receivers. We need our coaches to get pissed and hold players accountable. We need an identity. We need offense. We need a new GM. We need a new owner. We have the Titans next. Somehow this is a winnable game. Keep Pounding.

Welcome to week 10 of the official r/NFL Power Rankings! Remember how hyped up the yearly Colts-Patriots game used to be? The two franchises played another close one on Sunday, there just seems to be something off about Brady's footwork... The Vikings however, haven't missed a step since Cousins on their way to five straight wins. Campbell is preparing his team to win every game, several teams seem to be trying the opposite. How many more times will Reich send Pineiro out to kick past what his leg is physically capable of? Can Pittsburgh continue the standard of W's (and scraps in the box score)? After a rerun on Sunday, how will an extra week of rest affect Dallas and New York? Why would Jets make a change when Zach Wilson is playing pretty well? Discuss! 28/32 Reporting

1. | | Eagles | -- | | The Eagles had somewhat of a blank space with the bye. Yes, they beat Dallas the week prior, but they’re not out of the woods yet. Next up, a trip to Arrowhead where they’ll get to embrace their role as the anti-hero, and we’ll see if they succumb to the bye week rust or shake it off. Despite the Super Bowl loss, there’s not a ton of bad blood between these teams. Sure, it was a cruel summer replaying Hurts highlights and wondering what could have been, but overall, the invisible string between the Kelce brothers ties these two fanbases together. Don’t get it twisted, it’s no love story, as Eagles fans know all too well, and this is probably the 1 game this team has had circled on the calendar since last February. On Monday night, red and green will battle on the field, all 22 men fearless and mean. And after a week of what is sure to be forced, unending, obnoxious Swift-Philly-Kelce references, the only question… ready for it?
2. | | Chiefs | +1 | 7-2 | Is it possible for a team to win on the bye week anymore than the Chiefs just did? Every team that could help the Chiefs with another loss helped us. The Broncos and the Raiders both won but still have an incredible journey to try and sneak into the playoffs where they'll inevitably be bounced in the Wildcard round. In all reality at this point a few unexpected wins from both of those teams just hurts them in the long run, so it's hard to look at it as a bad thing. Overall another fantastic week for the Chiefs #1 agenda.
3. | | Ravens | -1 | 7-3 |
4. | | Lions | -- | 7-2 | Jared Goff has won yet another shootout against a highly touted AFC quarterback, this time surgically dissecting the Los Angeles Chargers as their vaunted pass rush flailed hopelessly against Penei Sewell and company. The Goffense looked absolutely lethal as the team averaged 6.5 yards on the ground and 10.1 yards through the air, and Goff himself was a perfect 8/8 for 120 yards and 1 TD in the 4th quarter, never letting LA take a lead. THEY RAN A 4TH AND FCKING 5 DRAW AND GOT IT. This offense is just unreal. Now, the defensive side (outside of the first quarter capped by the most impressive toe-drag pick I have ever seen by Kerby Joseph) was abysmal, as the Chargers’ pre-snap motion and no-huddle exposed communication issues throughout the Lions back-end while the line could not get any consistent pressure. Luckily for Aaron Glenn, the Chicago Bears are coming to the D next week, providing his defense with the perfect get right opportunity.
5. | | 49ers | +4 | 6-3 | The 49ers came strong out of the bye week and righted the ship against the surging Jaguars, ending their losing streak at 3 games. The team executed on both sides of the ball, looking more like the team who started the season 5-0 than the struggling team the last month. The team looks forward to 4 game stretch against 2022 playoff teams, with vs TB, at Sea, at Phi and vs. Sea coming up. This stretch should tell us more about whether the 3 game losing streak was just a slump or a signal of larger issues with a team that thinks of itself as a Super Bowl contender.
6. | | Cowboys | +2 | 6-3 | There reaches a point in a game like that where you just feel bad. Even on paper, it was like a September football game, with the Giants playing the role of Mercer. At halftime, Dallas had more points than the Giants had yards. But, a win is a win and they all count the same. You know, except for tiebreakers and stuff. Anyway, game 1 of a 12-13 game win streak is in the books.
7. | | Dolphins | -2 | 6-3 | The BYE week was fun! We finally get back from IR the most explosive RB in the league in De'Von Achane. Next week we play a surprisingly frisky Raiders team that's coming off a SNF win over the Jets. Thankfully the Raiders are 5-5 and not 6-4 or else we wouldn't have a chance at beating them according to the pundits. On that note, we've now moved from 0-3 to 0-2 vs above .500 teams :)
8. | | Browns | +4 | 6-3 | First quarter, right off the bat, things looked rough. But they turned it around.
9. | | Jaguars | -3 | |
10. | | Bengals | -3 | 5-4 | The Bengals are back at the bottom of their division after a critical dropped TD by Tyler Boyd cost them a chance to go up by 4 points in the final minutes of the game. With the score tied, CJ Stroud marched down the field as he had done all game, and easily got his team in position for the game-winning FG. If the Bengals want any chance at a division title they have to win in Baltimore on Thursday. If they can't get that done then it looks like their only path to the playoffs will be from a wild-card spot.
11. | | Seahawks | -- | 6-3 | We're back, baby. After putting up 3 points last week, the Seahawks bounced back against Washington's defense, putting up 29 points. However, the offense once again struggled to find the endzone; Jason Myers gets the game ball going 5/5 on field goals. The running game has been off for some time now and the passing attack can still improve. With Abe Lucas returning to practice, hopefully we can get back on track. Defensively, a lot of guys made a lot of plays. Witherspoon forced a fumble, ripping the ball away from Sam Howell aas Tariq Woolen scooped it up. speaking of Woolen, he had probably his best coverage game of the season this week. And last but not least... Boye Mafe has a sack in seven consecutive games, a Seahawks franchise record and making him one of only 3 players to have such a streak in their first 2 years (Jevon Kearse and Aldon Smith being the other 2). The Seahawks get the Rams in LA this Sunday before running into gauntlet of NFC juggernauts in the coming weeks
12. | | Texans | +4 | 5-4 | "You had my curiosity. But now you have my attention." After all the glowing press this about CJ Stroud and the possibility of contending for the playoffs, the Texans still had to show that they could at least hang with the top teams to be taken seriously. They did that and then some. Stroud channelled his inner TJ Yates and tormented the Bengals for another 356 yds and a last-minute drive for the win, but loses style points on an ugly interception that allowed the Bengals back into the game late in the 4th. The running game finally woke up here in week 10 as Devin Singletary went for 150 and a TD, and Sheldon Rankins' 3 sacks and forced fumble led a Texans defense that gave Joe Burrow fits for much of the day. At 5-4, the Texans are now firmly in the playoff race one year removed from a disastrous 3-13-1 season. The schedule moving forward is extremely favorable, but they can’t have any more letdowns like their loss to the Panthers.
13. | | Bills | -3 | 5-5 | It was a rough start to the game, so I polished off half of a Wegmans “Let’s Go Buffalo” cookie cake —as one does. Then did the same amount of damage to a case of Blue Light —you know, as one does. I left the game paused before I passed out (please no one spoil the end for me), and I’m gonna try and finish when I get home from work. I’m sure they’ve gotten all their mistakes out of the way, it’ll probably be smooth sailing through the second half, right?
14. | | Steelers | -1 | 6-3 | As has been said a few times in these blurbs, many times in the media, and countless times during Sunday's game, the Steelers are statistically at the bottom of a lot of categories, yet still find a way to win due to their defense. It was no different against the Packers as they continued to rely on the unreliable, which is getting turnovers in the red zone. Is that an identity or a strategy to build upon? Only time will tell, but this team is starting to coalesce into a running team that can force mistakes on defense. An interesting fact setting up for the playoff run is that the Steelers are the only AFC team with no losses in their own division. And as an aside, only the Chiefs have a better conference win percentage. This is why Sunday's game at Cleveland is even more important: a win for the Browns and they guarantee at least .500 record in the division, but with a loss, they not only fall behind a game, but are severely disadvantaged in tiebreaking scenarios. The Browns could not do better than 3 wins in the division if they lose on Sunday as they only have the Bengals left for their 6th AFC North game. With a win, the Steelers cannot do worse than 3 wins in the North and would hold the overall wins tiebreaker against the Browns. Expect both teams to know this and expect things to be intense.
15. | | Vikings | +2 | 6-4 | Down QB1, QB2, QB3, WR3 and also that Justin Jefferson guy, Josh Dobbs went out and put up the second-best QBR in the NFL this week against a very tough Saints' defense. Meanwhile, Brian "Fuck it, we ball!" Flores has schemed the Vikings into the 9th-best defense by EPA/play allowed with Danielle Hunter and a box of scraps.
16. | | Chargers | -2 | 4-5 | Time is a flat circle. Thanks to Brandon Staley's terrible, expensive defense another stellar offensive performance was wasted. The Chargers put up 38 points, including 5 TDs in a row, and still to lose. Anyone who was fooled by the defenses performance against Tyson Bagent and Zach Wilson got an abrupt reminder that this defense is, in fact, terrible. The Chargers are 0-2 this season when scoring 34+ points, the rest of the league is 34-2. After a down month, by his standards, it was great to see Herbert look like his old self because in about 2 months because in a few months a lot of the rest of the team around him will be blown up.
17. | | Saints | -2 | |
18. | | Buccaneers | +1 | 4-5 | Being a fan of a team from the NFC South this season is not an easy task. It's like telling your friends that you are dedicating your entire life to becoming a Hollywood movie star. Everyone tells you that the road ahead will be filled with pain, suffering and more than likely ultimate failure. But you are dedicated. You don't want to hear any negative thoughts. As long as there's even a 1% chance of success, you will keep trying, week after week. Most of the time, your Sundays are filled with despair. You are drunk and you are pondering the future. The future seems bleak. You have no idea why you are still hoping for something good. You have no idea why you expect change. It's insanity! Nothing changes and you expect better results? However, every once in a while there's a glimmer of hope. You'd get a role in the back of some movie. No one will see you, but you'd get paid, just enough to prolong your suffering that "maybe one day things will be better". Most of the time it's pain. Most of the time it's squandered potential. It's a childlike dream that turned into a nightmare. But one day. One day you get a call that might change your entire career. You are getting a role on a popular HBO show. It's a small role but you'd be seen. Your name will even be on the credits! You just know that this might be the shot you needed! Everything's coming up! And honestly? It's the hope that kills you. The Buccaneers game against the Titans was that call. A call that gives you hope that maybe this is the start of something special. The start of a run that might land you fame and an Oscar in the future. It probably won't lead to anything. But god dangit it's nice to get that call and hear "This Sunday is your lucky day. You got the role. You are the vigorous hand job guy.
19. | | Colts | +1 | 5-5 | Die Colts haben das Spiel in Frankfurt gewonnen! 🇩🇪 Hey, a win is a win, right? The Colts head into their bye week at .500 after back-to-back ugly wins over two of the worst teams in the league. Their next two games are against teams that currently have losing records (TB, at TEN), so there's an opportunity to continue the winning streak and make a playoff push. (Fun fact: After last night's game, the Colts are now ahead of the Bills in the playoff standings.) Whether Indy remains competitive or not, one thing's for sure: Coach Steichen can get these boys 🔥 FIRED UP! 🔥
20. | | Raiders | +7 | 5-5 | As expected this weeks game against the Jets was a slog, with both defenses stifling the opposing offenses. We were able to come out with a close win thanks to great defense from Tyler Conklin. That won't happen against the Jets. A loss without McDaniels at coach feels better than anything ever did with him though.
21. | | Broncos | +5 | 4-5 | Pull up a chair and let me try to explain the identity of my football team. The Denver Broncos are a lost kid at the mall who pooped their pants and won a Maserati from a raffle they did not enter. They cannot drive. They cannot find their parents. They cannot. Be. Normal. Last season's cavalcade of unrelenting filth has borne to us a new kind of strangeness. One less vomitous, yes, but no less grotesque. It retains the degenerative chill, the unfeeling scientific disaster of apoptosis, but with each cell death it spurts forth a violent, sulfuric cheer. YES! The body hollers in decay. GO BRONCOS! Its limbs work themselves apart as would toilet paper in muddy water. And yet, the body doesn't die. The partially dissolved limbs, thought lost, glom back onto the frame, eager to form new, unacceptable appendages. It continues to cheer, decaying and reforming at an unnervingly slow, but quickening pace. This kaleidescope of flesh rumbles forth, mis-shaping itself forward. Onward! Go, you sticky, wet mess! Go, Broncos Country! We cannot die...no, we can be anything...
22. | | Jets | -4 | 4-5 | Eight offensive touchdowns in ten games. Fire Joe Douglas.
23. | | Commanders | -- | 4-6 | Nothing about this season is shaping up to be described as "ideal", but this past Sunday's fall to the Seahawks might have been "ideal". Or is that just the copium talking? Look, the season is over; this team isn't going anywhere. So it's all about getting reps and film on the guys who will be here next year with the new coaching staff. The best outcome is to be competitive and play a good game, but keep your draft prospects decent. This loss achieved that. Individual performances were, and have been, inconsistent from almost everybody, but Sam Howell has quickly become the most consistent performer (behind P Tress Way, of course). The kid can throw the ball and at this point has proven the game isn't too big for him, nor too fast. He's still making some rookie mistakes, but the adjustments in offensive gameplan seem to be helping as Howell is finding himself on the turf much less. This Sunday's game was another fine entry into his young resume. Other than Howell though, much of the team's key players have been lackluster, particularly on defense. The secondary continues to blow coverages and give up massive plays. The linebacker corps continues to be easy to block and ineffective in coverage. The receiving group, considered one of the team's strengths, has had a rough couple of weeks with difficulty getting open and Jahan Dotson dropping as many passes as he catches. Consistently inconsistent, a theme that has followed this franchise through Rivera's tenure and most of the last 3 decades. This team is likely to settle in at 6-11 this season and hopefully ride with its new franchise quarterback into stardom next year. Also, how was this worth an ejection? And how does a hit to the head deemed worthy of an ejection not result in a player immediately going into concussion protocol?
24. | | Falcons | -3 | 4-6 | In three years, here are Smith's wins against winning teams. What do you call a team that doesn't beat good teams, but also loses to bad teams? A ~~bad~~ worse team. AS must be reading the message boards because Bijan finally touched the ball 20+ times, but next game might turn into the Drake London experience just to keep him from quitting on the team. If you're reading this Arthur, do you think long developing routes are a fit for an offensive with protection issues and a quarterback who can't make reads post snap? Might as well pop a loss down for every game remaining, there's no clue what winning takes when you can't give an explanation. Falcons fans, please use the upcoming bye week as wisely as the organization will, by growing and subsequently shaving mustaches by the start of week 12.
25. | | Rams | -1 | 3-6 | After a bye week full of mock drafts and Puka OG Fortnite vic roy's, Stafford is set to return and the weekly disappointment will resume.
26. | | Titans | -4 | 3-6 | The Titans lost to the Buccaneers on Sunday in a game that truly exposed the offensive line as a subpar unit that can barely put together enough drives to keep up with any team. Rookie Will Levis had a rough day behind the line getting pressured on 21 of his 39 pass attempts. The receivers didn’t help Levis much either, dropping 5 passes throughout the game.
27. | | Packers | -2 | 3-6 | These are the losses I was expecting on having at the beginning of the season. Going against an above .500 team in a tough road game, showing some flashes of good things but not quite pulling out the W. The offense finally looked moderately competent in the first half! Love's statline doesn't look great but he had some fantastic throws that still gives you hope of constructive improvement for the second half of the season. I'd be feeling a lot better about the season if all of our losses looked like that. Onto next week!
28. | | Cardinals | +3 | 2-8 | Kyler Murray: Back. James Conner: Back. Arizona Cardinals: Back. Don’t call it a come: Back. Knick Knack Paddy: Wack.
29. | | Bears | -- | 3-7 | Thursday night was the Bears' most helpful win in 2 seasons, as they managed to find a way to tank and win a game at the same time. Bagent has showed he belongs in the NFL and can be a servicable backup for the next several seasons (what a bargain!). But my eyeballs are desperately hoping Fields returns this week. If he does, he'll return to a tough stretch of games - @ Lions, @ Vikings, vs Lions - but that's exactly the type of game he needs to play well in to change his future. The best case scenario for the franchise is still that he balls out over the second half of the season and makes their decision in the draft easy. The second best case is he absolutely bombs and the Bears clean house and draft twice in the top three. We'll see what happens!
30. | | Patriots | -2 | 2-8 | Sugar Maple trees are glorious in times of transition. In Autumn they display vibrant red leaves. In early Spring they produce a magnificent sap, commonly rendered into syrup. Few things are ever certain, but two ideas took a clear step forward this week with yet another nonsensical loss to yet another meager foe. Mac is out of time to show he’s the future. Bill is ready to step aside with grace. I expect years from now, the lazy talking point to be repeated ad infinitum: “Did Mac kill Bill, or did Bill kill Mac?” The much weirder and more complicated truth will always be that this whole thing was a lot closer to working out than most will care to admit. The game of inches was there so many times along the way, so often pivoting to the dark side. Perhaps the biggest “what if” on the list, is “What if Josh McDaniels had stayed in New England instead of taking the entire offensive staff to Las Vegas for an 18 month bender?” I find myself marveling at the strength of the hex delivered by the other 31. This whole clown show feels like an answer to two decades worth of prayer, and perhaps part of the penance for soaking up so much sun. It’s going to be weird to see Bill celebrating win #348 on the Bears sidelines, but in a way it will be a fitting tribute to Halas. Maple sugar held a sacred place in many indigenous cultures as the first food source to emerge after a difficult winter.
31. | | Giants | -1 | |
32. | | Panthers | -- | 1-8 | Panthers should just forfeit the rest of the season at this point. Another frustrating loss in Chicago on Thursday Night Football where the nation got to see how bad we really are. I will again start with the good as there is not much. Our defense looked solid AGAIN. We allowed one touchdown. One. Donte Jackson also had maybe his best game of the season. Special teams also had a couple stand out plays that included a punt to the 1 yard line and a punt return touchdown that was literally our only touchdown. (Loser talk is gassing up how good our two special teams played). That was basically all the good, now the bad. Our offense is the worst in the league. It is as simple as that. Still no identity, O-line is bad, Bryce is under performing and our WRs don’t seem like they try to get open. RBs are ok at best but Miles Sanders is still under performing relative to the contract he signed. We are in a bad spot. Scott Fitterer is basically sitting on lava at the moment and Frank Reich is sitting right next to him in a hot seat of his own. Reich’s press conferences still show he is optimistic (not sure how) but I suspect we are truly at the mercy of Davd Tpper who is the real problem. If T*pper would let the football guys do football things, we would be wayyy better off. I wish we could claw back to down bad but we are at rock bottom and we are setting up a tent to camp there for the time being. The Cowboys are coming to Charlotte in Week 11 and oh boy we might lose by 50+ points. Yikes once again. Keep Pound