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The original was posted on /r/newzealand by /u/weary-canary774 on 2025-01-27 00:58:54+00:00.
Trigger warning: CSA
I'll give a little context, but the TLDR is in bold at the bottom.
I was groomed and raped by an older guy when I was 13, I prosecuted him over 10 years ago, long story short he got sentenced to less than 10 months home detention, among other things, but he got off very lightly considering the severity of his crimes. He was given name suppression automatically, apparently for my benefit, though nobody asked me.
I prosecuted him so that people could know what he did, in an attempt to keep the community safe. We're in a small town and I thought word would get around and people would know to stay away from him. I believe he's a very dangerous person.
Unfortunately he's also a reasonably good looking man who can be charming, he's from a nice middle class family and had a good reputation before his sentencing. Turns out the court case didn't stick with him like I thought it would, and he's more or less blended back into society.
I recently found out that this man has been pretty successful in keeping this all secret, and the people who do know about it only know his story, which is a lie. According to him I'd consented to everything, we had a relationship, and later on regretted it and prosecuted him out of spite. According to him, the only thing he did wrong was have a relationship with a minor, one who was mentally unstable I guess. The reality is completely different.
I knew him to be extremely manipulative, sociopathic, violent, dark, sadistic... I'm still scared of him. For months he had full control over me because I was worried he was going to kill me. It wasn't just a fear or a feeling I had, it was a very real threat. He hurt me and enjoyed it, I'll never get his expressions out of my head. He is a truly evil person.
I have been in therapy for a long time. I still have PTSD. I'll be working through this for the rest of my life in one way or another. But the thing that really bothers me is that he's out there, dating people and putting himself in situations where he's got close access to young women, and the people around him have no idea what he is capable of. I'm terrified that he's successfully masking his true self. I just want to scream it from the top of his lungs, what he did to me, who he is, I want every single person in this town to know what he did.
I don't want him to have name suppression. I've thought about it a lot, wondered what would be best for everybody, including him. Not that he deserves a moment of consideration from me. Unlike him, I do have empathy, I can't help it. I've thought about whether or not I want this to all be public information, and ultimately, it's his shame, not mine. What I want is for it to be possible for somebody to google him and get this information, if they go looking for it. I'm positive that he's thrown up red flags for the people in his life. I know there have been women who've had a weird feeling about him. And I know that if they did google him, they'd find nothing except his fucking accolades and achievements and his goddamn linkedin.
I've heard that other victims of sexual assault have succeeded in removing name suppression, but it's not a process I'm very familiar with. So far I haven't looked into what would be possible for me legally. I plan to, but I also would really really love to talk to anybody who has done this, or tried to. I'm curious about the emotional and social side of it, any fallout/blowback or repercussions for either the victim or the perpetrator... It would help me so much if I could talk to somebody who's already been through this in any way.
