Not the Onion

The chief medical officer for the Customs and Border Protection agency repeatedly asked staff members to order fentanyl lollipops for him to take on a helicopter mission to the United Nations in New York City in Sept. 2023, according to a whistleblower report by the Government Accountability Project.

The report was shared with Congress on Friday morning, and stated that Chief Medical Officer Dr. Alexander Eastman allegedly "spent copious hours of his and Office of the Chief Medical Officer staff time directing the OCMO staff to urgently help him procure fentanyl lollipops, a Schedule II narcotic, so that he could bring them on the CBP Air and Marine Operations helicopter on which he would be a passenger in New York City."

Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid and painkiller driving the overdose crisis in the United States. Fentanyl lollipops are an oral version of the drug, and are used to treat pain, according to the Drug Enforcement Agency. Chief among the Customs and Border Protection's duties as a federal agency is stopping the flow of illicit drugs, including fentanyl, into the United States over international borders.

When asked why he would need fentanyl lollipops to travel to the United Nations' General Assembly meeting, Eastman allegedly argued that the lollipops would be necessary for pain management in case of an emergency, and were "necessary" in case a CBP operator was injured, or if the Air and Marine Operations team encountered a "patient in need."

Over half a dozen CBP employees were involved in the "urgent" requests to purchase the fentanyl lollipops, the whistleblowers said, with senior leadership in the office reporting concerns about the process in emails. Eastman's attempts to order the lollipops were unsuccessful because there was not funding available, the whistleblowers said.

read more: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/cbp-doctor-alexander-eastman-tried-to-order-fentanyl-lollipops-helicopter-trip-un-whistleblowers-say/

Some homeowners say they're disappointed that Holmes, whose motto is to "make it right," never returned to TerraceWood to help make things right in this case.

"The neighbourhood has been disturbed," said Fayard, whose TerraceWood house recently underwent major repairs instead of being torn down.

"If [Holmes] had come and taken a look and said, 'Well this is what's wrong and this is how I can help,' I think that that would have been a stand-up thing to do," he said. "After all, it was Holmes Approved Home[s]."

Wow thanks for the update on this guys prostate situation, serious journalist person!

The article link doesn't work anymore, so here's an archived one: https://archive.ph/9bmVZ

https://www.economist.com/finance-and-economics/2023/10/30/what-a-third-world-war-would-mean-for-investors

archived link

https://www.theonion.com/dying-gazans-criticized-for-not-using-last-words-to-con-1850925657

https://www.politico.eu/article/fight-against-ussr-nazi-waffen-ss-trooper-yaroslav-hunka-world-war-ii-soviet-union-germany/

The battle of wills between Florida health administrators and a federal court judge intensified Tuesday as U.S. District Judge Donald M. Middlebrooks accused the state of obstructing his efforts to free medically fragile children from segregated institutions, where many have spent their entire lives.

cross-posted from: https://beehaw.org/post/6913518

The extreme heat has devastated corals.This is a truly heartbreaking read:

“The coral didn’t even have a chance to bleach, it just died. It just felt like, ‘Oh my God, we’re in the apocalypse.’ What’s happening?”

Archive link: https://web.archive.org/web/20230731225349/https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/31/climate/coral-reefs-heat-florida-ocean-temperatures.html

Page Six regrets to report that a press dinner to boost Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s presidential campaign descended into a foul bout of screaming and polemic farting Tuesday night.