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The original was posted on /r/starcraft by /u/PrinceofPeachtree on 2024-06-28 11:49:24+00:00.
Mech players. Ohhh mech players. We all now at least one. As a humble, hardworking bio Terran myself, I’m often overcome with a sense of pity for my simple-minded mech friends. For years I made excuses for them:
“He’s figuring out the game bro, let him play the style he likes”
“Mech is really strong in TvZ man, he’s being strategic”
It’s starts off harmless enough. Perhaps your mech friend dabbles in a little cyclone Helion. Maybe he enjoys the occasional 1/1 tank all in. But what seems like a quaint, silly little hobby at first will inevitably, sooner or later, metastasize into a full blown mech addiction.
The signs are subtle at first. The third base starts becoming a planetary instead of an orbital. Their engineering bay will be researching building armor and turret range as suspiciously early junctures. And before you know it: Turrets everywhere, planetaries in every choke point, and more tanks than the battle of El Alamein.
You’ll be 35 minutes into a TvT on Goldenaura, breathlessly spamming Vikings and researching liberator range wondering where it all went wrong. Why can’t two decent men agree to Stim their marines into each other’s tanks over and over again like a normal, healthy TvT?
As the most eLiTE MuLtIaskiNG, hardworking Gaymers, it is the responsibility of honorable bio Terrans the world over to stop your friends from descending into pure mech idiocy. To aid you in your struggle, I’ve come up with a fool proof five step system to save your mech friends from moral degeneration:
L.O.S.E.R.
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L.—Listen to your mech friends.
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O.—Observe how slowly their cursor moves as they carefully siege their tanks behind a line of 20 turrets
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S.—Suggest alternative, more respectable playstyles: “you can always play Protoss if real Terran is too hard bro”
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E.—Empathize with their lack of skill, human decency, and inability to not waste everyone’s time
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R.—Remind them that Protoss exists and you don’t even have to siege anything or switch Thors to high tech impact mode if you’re a-moving carriers
We must all do our part to save our mech friends from themselves.