Men's Liberation
This community is first and foremost a feminist community for men and masc people, but it is also a place to talk about men’s issues with a particular focus on intersectionality.
Rules
Everybody is welcome, but this is primarily a space for men and masc people
Non-masculine perspectives are incredibly important in making sure that the lived experiences of others are present in discussions on masculinity, but please remember that this is a space to discuss issues pertaining to men and masc individuals. Be kind, open-minded, and take care that you aren't talking over men expressing their own lived experiences.
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Recommended Reading
- The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, And Love by bell hooks
- Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements by Michael Messner
Related Communities
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A large percentage of women actively prefer many of the behaviors we're describing as "toxic". The majority of my casual partners have explicitly requested, or discussed how attractive they find, borderline abusive behavior: physical aggression, jealousy, catcalling and infantalizing language, relentless pursuit, etc. My first girlfriend told me to be less respectful with her, and lost a lot of attraction toward me the first time I was emotionally vulnerable with her.
So a big problem is that while a vocal portion of women are telling men that certain gender norms are toxic and they need to stop, they're watching the women they're pursuing choose the men who exhibit this toxic behavior. At the end of the day, without any guidance from feminists, they have to choose between what the feminists tell them, and what the pick-up artist types tell them. The pick-up artists promise them romantic success, the feminists call them toxic for feeling entitled to romantic success.
With sexual/romantic success being the primary motivator for young men, is it really a surprise that they make the choices they make?
What they say they want is usually not what they want. Let me take your examples apart:
The actually attractive thing is being able to hold your own, and be self-directed. Anger and aggression are a pale imitation of that preferred by some women because they've never seen anything off the doormat - douchebag axis. Or, differently put: You can't be peaceful while being harmless. If she prefers a bit of a thrill loom there like a rollercoaster handing out tickles if you dare to get on.
Is a pale imitation of loyalty. It's what passes as attachment in lieu of meaningful connection, as relationship security in lieu of figuring out what both of you want from your own and the other's life.
Yes she wants to be considered attractive. She likes compliments. We all do... at least from the right people, in the right situation, for a thing we want to be complimented for. The trick is to be able to mind-read :)
That's about being cared for, having space to not have to care about things, space to stop adulting. If she generally fails at adulting that's a red flag, if she has her shit together, heck, why not, I can make pancakes with happy faces on them.
See jealousy. Basically the same mechanism.
You are spot on. I've never encountered a women who wanted to be brutalized or something.
Like in any relationship, if you look like someone that is confident, you will generally be successful.