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How do I gently tell someone their writing is bad (as in, needs significant work)? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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A really good friend showed me a personal essay and asked for my honest opinion. She was looking to enter a contest, so I wanted to give her some good feedback to make her writing stand out.

But as it turned out, this was her final draft, and she was really just looking for affirmation that she's a good writer.

The essay needed a lot of work. But when I gave my friend a list of the things that needed to be fixed, she got so upset that she deleted the draft and didn't enter the contest at all. Now I feel terrible.

What should I have done differently? How do you gently break the news to someone that theor writing needs a lot of work?

I do think I was too harsh. But I also didn't want her to enter the contest without having a stellar piece.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I can say personally I have gotten feedback on an essay I thought was really well done and it felt terrible, even if the feedback was put in the best way possible.

If you're dealing with someone like this, probably be very careful and give pointers one at a time (I like the beginning paragraph, though it raises the bar so the next paragraph seems weaker in comparison. How would you feel about changing abc to xyz?)

The problem with giving a lot of suggestions at once, especially if they're good suggestions, is it can make the person feel like "wow these are obvious and I should've done this already, how did I write such a flawed essay?" essentially you're trying to prevent the demoralization by taking them step by step to success, rather than shoving the mistakes in their face (even if well intentioned)

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 years ago

You know, that's exactly what I did -- a whole truckload of suggestions at once.

I have a very critical eye when it comes to editing, and I was eager to help. (Also, I forgot to say anything positive about her writing.) I think it came across as an attack against her writing.

Next time, I'll remember to give the critiques one at a time. Thanks for the feedback.