likely in response to my comments on the beehaw post, which i linked to (hopefully im doing this right?). apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time "they/them" before being told their pronouns is "misgendering". absurd. this kind of attitude threatens the larger LGBTQ community and is partially why cishets hate us after we won so much progress back in the 00s and 10s.
im a queer person. im neurodivergent. this shit is so goddamn fucking annoying, especially as an older queer who got physically assaulted on a near daily basis for being queer in the 90s. the kids today get their panties in a twist over being supposedly "misgendered" by someone calling them gender neutral pronouns before being corrected. narcissistic victimhood bullshit.
anyways, now banned from one of my favorite instances. meanwhile in the US theyre planning on hunting us. but yeah, lets ban fellow queers over their view that people who get mad about being "misgendered" when they arent (cis people are also referred to as "they/them" before further context in a conversation with a stranger) are just attention seeking brats that threaten the larger movement. its so obvious to me that the brats who find reason to be offended over innocent pronoun use never faced real adversity, like getting repeatedly physically beaten.
edit - the best part of all of this is i faced no moderation from beehaw and all of my comments are +1 or higher. power tripping oversensitive neurodivergent hating bastard of a mod over at blahaj IMO.
edit 2 - did this wrong. heres a link to the post i think got me banned from blahaj and a screenshot about it https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/37659465
TL;DR: ~~BPR~~ CSPR (charged situation-provoked reaction). OP was gatekeeping a wee bit but this was definitively not worth a permaban, at most a "chill your head!" 1d ban. OP being queer and the issue happening outside Blåhaj are also relevant.
Sorry in advance for the WORDS, WORDS, WORDS.
Also, I'm not queer. Or an instance owner. I'm open to hear about things that I got wrong. I'm judging things here because it's how this comm works.
I don't disagree with the core of what you're saying, it's sensible stuff:
100% agree with the above. But even then, check your own comment:
You're arbitrarily drawing a line and saying "up to this point, it is not an important matter. Past that point, it is". Well... this is gatekeeping! Cat shit might not be as serious of a problem as elephant shit, but both are still shit, you know?
Then there's the matter of this happening outside Blåhaj. I get why the admins there ban people for activity outside their own instance: the instance is home to extremely marginalised groups, that requires getting rid of bad faith actors (haters, chasers...) even before they set their feet there.
So for example. Let's say that I (cis, hetero) said something that can be understood as bigotry. It would be only sensible if Blahaj banned me on the spot - better safe than sorry, right?
...however that clearly does not apply to you - even if not trans you're gender-diverse. (I always check profiles before judging people.) Blahaj is supposed to be inviting to people like you. It shifts the issue from "some cis hetero got banned by mistake" to "someone who should feel safe in that instance got banned by mistake". Plus what you're saying isn't even bigoted, it's simply gatekeeping.
Based on all of that I think that some intervention from the Blahaj admins would be sensible, even if this happened outside their "turf", but they went a bit too far. [/two cents]
It’s not gatekeeping, and this narcissistic faux outrage over being “misgendered” is harmful to the LGBTQ community.
You’re not queer and you don’t understand the level of anger right now that American queers have. As someone who faced outright physical abuse chronically for being queer as a kid seeing permanently online baby queers get pissy over pronouns while we’re about to be hunted again is absolutely fucking rage inducing for good reason. These fucking piss babies need to get their shit together.
The uh scare quotes aren't really helping your case. Being queer doesn't mean you automatically understand the seriousness of other queer people's concerns and it also doesn't mean you're free of bigotry.
Consider like lgbt erasure from official histories, many people scoffed at concerns like this and thought it was hysterical pearl clutching to make a big deal about whether or not someone's sexuality was mentioned or whatever. Others will tell you it literally saved their lives knowing that people like them existed in the past.
I don't think it's that hard to just be kind, and if you can't be kind be funny and then block them and move on :P
Being called they/them by a stranger for the first time IS NOT MISGENDERING.
Being rude and belittling people's concerns, calling people that disagree with you little soft children who have never known hardship, saying that people's concerns are less valid than yours, blaming trans kids figuring themselves out for the hatred we receive. All of that if being a complete dickhead and a bigot.
Look I'm a 35 year old queer, I have been beaten within an inch of my life and left to die in a gutter, I have lived through cops murdering us for fun and being unable to hold hands in public to now. Hell my government made me get steralised to recognise my gender and gay panic was only removed from the books as a valid legal defense for murder in like the last decade.
I know that looking at some of the online discourse can seem a little strange or trivial, but that's also what straights have been doing to us for centuries about literally all of our concerns. You don't know what other people are going through, you don't get to be the judge of what matters to them, and even if you think someone is being more sensitive than is warranted THEY HAVE TOLD YOU THAT THIS MATTERS TO THEM AND THAT IS TRUE. Regardless of what you feel about it, IT HURTS THEM. Why do you want to hurt people?
There is no line of acceptable behaviour that will make you welcome among the broader straight culture. Don't beat up on comrades, and if you can't tolerate that kind of culture then being banned from blahaj is doing you a favour because that is the culture there.
Just... log off and check your head mate.
If they’re gonna have hurt feelings over not being misgendered by being called they/them by a stranger then they deserve to be called the oversensitive piss babies they are. And their behavior is threatening to the larger queer movement.
Yeah so people tried to kill me before most people even knew what a trans person was. I uh, don't think some people figuring out their identity was to blame for that ya know?
You seem really transphobic, and I really think you should reflect on that. Like you're straight up blaming transgender people for queer oppression but that is predicated on the idea of being going back to behaviours they engaged in long before people even discussed trans people. So clearly the drive to harm queer people doesn't require pronouns to surface yeah?
I am going to block you now because I think you are an odious and horrible person.
And you seem dramatic as fuck.
Everyone I don’t like is tRaNsPhObIc!
you’re correct, it’s not.
THANK YOU, case closed, power tripping bastard of an overzealous admin.
no, because that’s not what the conversation where you inserted insulting language was about. re-read my top level comment to this post, please.