yeah I blocked that entire instance for being full of those sorts of morons, and I'm gay. I don't have the time or patience for that.

I just wish instance blocks extended to users, would make getting rid of entire swathes of annoying dipshits so much easier. Imagine being able to mass-block every user from lemmygrad.

A man can dream.

Even if the mod were wrong on this particular action, your insults to queer people throughout these comments have shown that they are absolutely better off without you in their community.

I'm gonna ignore all of this and talk to you directly as an autistic to an autistic. There are so many times I asked a friend of mine "Hey, I forgot mutual friend X's gender, what were their pronouns again" but what they heard was "Oh no the trans-genders and the pronouns are so confusing, they should stick with what on their birth certificate" and then I wake up the next day with no friends because that friend told all their friends I was being a transphobe.

Now, let's think about this from their perspective. If you saw a friend of yours being a bigot to another one of your friends, would you still hang out with them? I wouldn't. If I heard one of my friends was homophobic or transphobic or racist or any other kind of bigot, I would instantly block and shun them. I do not want bigots of any kind around me or my friends. There is a reason that cults practice shunning, and that is because it fucking works.

Continuing this, lets say our hypothetical ex-friend had been accused of being transphobic to one of your trans friends. What would they need to do to be either forgiven or absolved of guilt? Even if they were in fact transphobic, they can admit they are wrong. And if the accusation was wrong, what proof would you need? What sort of behavior would you need to see from them to forgive them?

I am positive that you as an elder queer have had many, many, many experiences where someone you thought you could trust turned out to be a homophobe. It really hurts. After a while, you start only seeing the worst in people.

As an autistic, it was really rough learning what would come across as a microaggression. Can't ask to be reminded of the pronouns, because it might be interpreted as passive-aggressive transphobic whinging about pronouns. When I do fuck up, I can't give the big apology that I think misgendering someone deserves because my autistic RBF will make it come across as sarcastic. You just have to quickly correct yourself and move on without drawing attention to it. It feels like blowing a red light and hitting someone because I was just plopped behind the wheel of a car without being taught how to drive.

Your tantrum here was very cathartic for me, because it really is fucking terrible trying navigate a world full of traumatized people. I don't like accidentally triggering people. I want people to feel safe around me! But if I had thought I'd seen a person doing a microaggression, and then I saw them throwing a tantrum about how them getting shunned was because everyone else is a pee pee piss piss boy and this is why the cishets hate us, I would be inclined to think they were at least regressive, if not one of the republican gays who think that we need to chop off everything past the B in LGBTQ+.

Just to be clear, I don't think you're transphobic. I have experienced the same sort of things as you. It's rough restraining myself from flailing around in response to being accused of stuff. It is humiliating to prostrate myself and beg forgiveness of things I know I did not do. But we live in a fucking society full of bigots and people traumatized by those fucking bigots, and these are the rituals that keep our corner of society even a little bit sane.

Hello fellow neurodivergent person. I had to go to the instance to view the comments because reasons.

I do relate to your kinda harsh wording there as I tend to do the same when triggered. I do think that you could call out others being bigoted or overly arrogant "educating" you instead of using strong language. I sympathize as I do the same if I'm not careful but I suggest not to.

In any case I think using they them for a new person is great and if you can't look up their pronouns they might be at fault anyway.

Don't complain that queer people are softer than they used to be, celebrate that they don't have to toughen up and can be themselves with less fear of backlash

There’s nothing wrong with referring to people with gender neutral pronouns, whether they prefer those or not. Gender neutral is, by definition, the proper way to refer to all humans, no matter who or what they are. I’m not going to go out of my way to look through the post history of a user to find their pronouns. If they aren’t listed in their display name, like Hexbear required, then they are getting the trusty they/them.