this post was submitted on 14 Feb 2025
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This literally just happened to me wtf. We had so much in common and we went on a great first date, but then I asked her to be my Valentine and she told me there wasn't "romantic physical chemistry" between us.
That's a win.
Someone being honest and up front is always a good thing.
Now, you don't have to wonder, you don't have to put energy into romance that isn't there, and once you move past the emotions of the rejection, you can possibly still have a friend.
This is not a bad thing, it just hurts.
What if you're an octopus tho...
Then, you have an extra heart that needs mending.
Welcome to the friendzone! You have to decide if having a friend is ok for you (spoiler alert, it might slowly consume you from the inside as you battle between wanting more and not wanting to go against what she wants), or if that's not what you want just drop it. It's painful at the beginning but better for yourself in the long term.
Yeah, romantic compatibility is a two way street. If they aren't feeling it, you're better off as friends. Trust me, you don't want to be in a relationship where one person isn't very attracted to the other. I've been on both sides of that coin, and it's all shit.
Don't pine for anyone. If you're a match, you both make each other feel amazing being together.
Itβs also ok to not be friends at all, if Iβm looking for a romantic partner and it doesnβt work, find another, you donβt need to collect forced friends along the way
I guess I'll take the friend, maybe she can introduce me to someone I'm more compatible with?
And as a bonus, you might later ask out someone she knows. If that other gal asks her about you, she'll have a good report because you respected boundaries she put up.
Funny enough, the day before she rejected me, she told me a story of how she's setting up her friend with a guy her friend thinks is cute. But the competition is fierce, I have an average face and below average height and my best qualities take time to get to know.
A woman worth dating will value a kind, respectful man over one with the best looks or height. I'd honestly see a woman valuing height highly as a red flag lol. Keep your stick on the ice, even if it doesn't work out you can learn something from every relationship/attempt.
Having a girl who can attest to your better points and vouch for your having a nonviolent reaction to "no" can go farther than you might imagine with other women.
That works well. Really, really well.
I cannot tell if this is sarcastic.
Completely serious.
That probably didn't help. I ended up dating several people who were very compatible based on connections made by prior interests who didn't work out.
The friendzone always sucks. Sometimes you can become colleagues, but real friends? Youβre just hurting yourself for longer.
Highway to the friend zone
Ride into the friend zone
My partner and I were broken up last year for a good portion of the year, I figured we were done. Went on a date with a girl from work and had a great time, only for her to hit me with similar vibes but different words. Ended up back with my partner not long after that and whenever I run into the girl at work she acts like she regrets her decision. She's still single and whining about it, lol.
So now you have a friend that you have so much in common with, to do stuff together that you both enjoy, and not do stuff you both dislike. You'd keep a friend like that if he was a guy. What if you told this girl you want to try to be friends, but please make an effort to not be so hot when you're hanging out together. No makeup, her least flattering clothes. Unless you're going out drinking and being wingpeople for each other, then obviously you both help each other make attractive choices. If you still can't let her out of your fuckzone, and treat her as a real friend, then maybe it's time to part.
So basically "don't be yourself and walk on eggshells around me at all times". That'd make me just not want to be around you, even as a friend. Friends don't do that. Do not ask her that.
Adding: that request would make me feel not just uncomfortable but actually unsafe.
Okay maybe it's just because I'm an old woman and the world has changed, but in my day I had a lot of guy friends around whom I didn't try to be cute or sexy and we stayed just friends. Gonna agree that probably it's something she has to decide on her own, not be asked. If I knew the guy had a crush and was trying to get over it I would be my unvarnished self. Maybe also my perspective is different from yours because I don't choose to wear makeup for myself, only to look like I made an effort in social occasions.
The part about walking on eggshells is your addition, I didn't say or imply that.
Yeah maybe I can try to arrange an non-romantic hangout with her. We had so many date ideas, and many of them can be adapted to bring friends over.
Additionally, she wasn't that hot without flattering clothes, but I'm not particularly hot either, so I expect to date average looking girls.
That's a good attitude! Both as regards this friendship and girls in general.
I assume you're under like 20 years old? Maybe even under 18? Literally shrug it off and don't even give it a 2nd thought. It's like dying the first time in a game and only losing 10 seconds of gameplay. It literally doesn't matter whatsoever, you just started the game and are learning how to play.
I'm 21, it's a bit later in the game than you thought. I haven't had much experience with dating and it's definitely holding me back.
I met my wife at 28 and it took us 7 years to get married. You have sooo much time.
Btw at age 21 I had only had 1 absolutely dogshit relationship and was just starting my 2nd dogshit relationship. So you're fine lol. Just keep at it. Try to meet people. Use online dating like tinder or whatever the kids use these days. Hinge? Idk. There's nothing wrong with it.
Unfortunately it's only once or twice a year that I really get an opportunity to take it this far due to my introvertness and social awkwardness. I'm seen as desperate by some people.
Look up Hoe_math on YouTube. Strip away the layer of red pillish frustration and watch objectively. His latest zones version video is onto something that women have two separate sets of criteria to judge men: "healthy and nice" and "macho power". You need to up your macho power factors to be considered attractive. Seriously, when they say they need to find a nicer guy, they don't even consider the guys that aren't keeping up the macho.
proceeds to describe a paragraph of the most incel shit I've ever heard, generalizing 4 billion people
π¨π¨π¨
Yeah, but the point here is not to nosedive into red pill loathing, but for self-improvement.
For instance one can always try to be more attractive by building muscle, confidence, smooth talking and leadership.
Dude, that zones stuff is the very definition of red pill/incel shit.