So, I made a comment on the 'two goobers' community of lemm.ee, moderated by Bubs.
I gave a rather cynical, but nonetheless accurate imo description of a particular comic, explaining that it showed an overly lovey dubby relationship that was likely doomed to failure.
Made some more comments explaining my reasoning, ended up getting into some arguments as two users seemed genuinely sceptical, and one of them very defensive, about the idea that CPTSD is usually caused by abusive narcissists when it isn't caused by ongoing, severe material deprivation, such as being very poor, homeless, or living in a war zone.
As of time of writing this, my first comment was the most popular in the thread, something like 45 up, 5 down, and I have been banned from the community, almost the entire comment chain has been nuked, no explanation has been seemingly given for the deletion of any comments, unless my view or understanding of modlogs is somehow borked, though I am apparently banned (indefinitely?) for Rule 1: No Abusive Language.
I can maybe see how a few of the latter comments could veer into being interpreted as 'abusive language'.
Maybe.
... But the entire comment chain?
The two I was arguing with used language about the same level of 'abusive' as myself.
They don't appear to be banned though, just had their comments removed.
... I ... don't really care about being banned from an apparent hugbox community that has a single mod, but just from a point of ... attempting some kind of professionalism, maybe Bubs could have just deleted the specific comments they found to be 'abusive', sent all involved a clarifying DM about that, not just jump straight to a ban?
I dunno.
I hereby submit this to the tribunal for public commentary.
Here's the link to lemm.ee's modlog
EDIT: It looks like a whole bunch of at least my removed comments are not even showing up in the modlog.
I... don't know if thats because of some technical issue?
I had a bit of a tit for tat with both Ocultoconoclast and Count Regal Inkwell, and you can see their removed comments in the mod log, but my one for one responses are not even showing up as removed in the lemm.ee modlog, though they are all removed/'deleted by moderator' when I go through my own comment history.
Even assuming you were somehow 100% correct, that would actually be way worse - you'd be openly making mock of a stranger's trauma.
In the other case, you were still out of bounds per the community guidelines. Maybe it was harsh to ban you outright, but maybe you hit closer to home than you realise.
The original post was a 5 panel comic, as stated, with two people in a relationship talking to each other like 5 year olds, hat ended on one of the characters saying 'what have we come to?' so ... maybe its the comic author's story, in some sense, but it wasn't like a lemmy user just directly posting their own picture with an attached personal story about why it was meaningful.
But I wasn't mocking anything.
I have known people that have been in relationships like that, I've known they've both come from shitty family situations beforehand, I've had each person in the relationship either ask me for advice or at least complain or commiserate with me about how their relationship devolves from the cutesy stage into the codependent stage, and then collapses into mutual resentment, massive drama and despair.
I've known many different couples and individuals where their relationships have played out like that.
My comments were not meant to be mocking, as I said in the other, subsequent post that is captured in the modlog pics, that I am entirely serious, that you can interpret my initial read of the comic as a PSA style warning for how to look out for relationship dynamic red flags.
I really don't see how this can be interpreted as mockery, or being intentionally edgy for the sake of edginess, as PugJesus seems to think it was.
I am completely serious, intending to inform, not mock, not insult.
I get now that the community is literally intended to be a hugbox, but I don't think that giving psychologically based relationship advice is abusive...
Would be neat if there was actually a rule that stated 'this is a hugbox, be nice, don't be negative.'
Being cold and realistic isn't positice and cheerful... but it also isn't abusive.
Had the post actually been a person's personal story, obviously yes, it would have been needlessly cruel to just jump right into a completely deadpan analysis like that.
But it wasn't. It was a comic.
Did... anyone actually go to hyperlink of the post I put into this post?
https://lemm.ee/post/56734338
I mean, I could be wrong, but I don't think Bubs, the only moderator and main person who posts in this community, and mainly posts Sarah Andersen quick comics... is Sarah Andersen.
I read the context. I'm not here to tell you how to feel, I'm just telling you what I see. You post on YPTB for the court of public opinion, don't be mad when you get it 🫣
You said I did something that I did not do, respond to someone's personal story, and you said that I was mocking, which, while that was not my intention, seems to have been interpreted as such.
Hence I felt the need to correct the factual error, and give more context to explain my intent... not sure if you are saying I intended to mock, or if what I said could be interpreted as mockery, or both.
Regardless, I do appreciate the feedback.
All good. You're not getting any down-votes from me, by the way. Always feels rude when people do that to someone I'm just talking to. I don't ascribe the identity of the OP or the OOP, I was just making the point that whoever you offended probably feels mocked by your characterization, or (worst case scenario) correctly described.
Anyway. You seem to have a very intense communication style - you say a lot, and you expect people to be as precise as you are. That's always going to throw some people. I'm pretty used to this, and I also sometimes find it easier not to be succinct, but I've had to learn how to take care of my readers by editing down and, sometimes, saying less than I mean.
Not only is that good to hear, but I run into this fairly often as well, and always feel compelled to tell people 'hey I'm not the one downvoting you', in conversations that otherwise seem to be between just two people.
Ah, ok, thank you for clarifying!
I will say that ... I never recieved any communication from Bubs, at all, and they're the sole moderator, they're the only one that could have community banned me and deleted my comments... excepting instance level admins I guess.
But... since we've been talking, Bubs has said this in the thread:
Link again just for the sake of it:
https://lemm.ee/post/56734338
This to me does not convey that I offended Bubs.
To me, this conveys that they felt the discussion was off topic and not generally wholesome, so they nuked everything and banned me from the community for that.
Off topic?
Again, the latter comments, sure. But not the first few, they very directly were commentary on the comic
Not generally wholesome?
I mean... again, the latter argument comments, sure, but you can just remove those comments, send a dm and say hey whoah this this is getting out of hand, and I'd be fine with that.
I literally went out of my way to attempt to clarify that my original flat and passionless reading of the comic can be interpreted in a postivie, affirming, wholesome way. Even made a joke and threw in a meme gif.
But nope, I'm just banned, the almost the whole comment chain is nuked.
I didn't realize these were first offense/perma ban level offenses, and I still feel the mod could.have handled this better.
Yep! I'm autistic, and quite verbose in text.
In person I realize the rules for in person, verbal speech are different and usually go for shorter sentences, though if you do ask me, I will ramble haha.
A lot of people find that intimidating in certain situations. (Wall of text expanding on this put into spoiler tags for metaironic reasons)
I get it, I understand that, but I can't change it about myself. Tried for decades.
In some cases I'll look back on something I've typed and realized... yeah, I could have been more succinct and still conveyed the same meaning adequately.
But in many cases... nope, I have complex thoughts involving complex concepts which I could only state more succinctly if I assume whoever I am talking to has much of the background knowledge that I do, and I've found that this is almost always a bad assumption to make.
Indeed the nature of one of the arguments i got into in that thread was actually prompted by me making a short and succinct comment, which was replied to with 'give me the evidence'... to which I replied ... with a giant wall of all the evidence.
Then that person said 'none of this is from real doctors or actually peer reviewed' when in fact literally every quote and link I gave was from either relevant professionals, huge, famous, large scale medical associations (WHO, CDC, etc) and/or directly referenced peer reviewed papers.
... sigh, lol.
I'm also very used to people attributing emotions to me that I do not actually have.
You did it when you suggested I was mad upon reading your earlier reply, and typing up my lengthy reply to that, to try to fully explain what was going on situationally, as well as in my head, so that someone could actually understand where I was coming from.
But, apparently ... most? Some? people interperet a lengthy reply as necessarily being driven by, or indicating a certain kind of intense emotion behind the typist.
So, with many people, I am often in a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation.
If I had simply replied to you:
"I'm not mad, I wasn't responding to a personal story, I did not intend to mock anyone."
... My guess is you would have interpreted that as overlt succinct, curt to the point of being laughably, stereotyically, exactly what someone who is really mad would say.
But maybe you wouldn't. I can't know for sure.
... Maybe I should use spoiler tags more often so as not to trigger this in people as much...
Either way, I do appreciate your genuine thoughts on all this.
All good. I'm glad we sussed this out. I hope you get a chance to clear the air with bubs, for what it's worth.