this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2025
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My wife struggles with that second one a lot and I wish I knew how to help her.
Ramble
She's built up this golden fantasy of her childhood and where she's from, and she blames so much of what I file away as "normal life bs" on where we live now. Every time we visit her hometown I see the same problems there that she blames on where we live.She has a hard time seeing the benefits of where we live now because she grew up in a tight knit extended family that closed the gaps so to speak. But that extended family has drifted apart. People have grown up. The old matriarchs and patriarchs have passed. That same tight knit family doesn't exist anymore in the way it used to.
She basically had a high quality, premade social group and support structure just handed to her growing up. She moved states and life events kept getting in the way of her building a new one. But she blames that on location rather than what is now a lack of effort. Issues she overlooked long ago (and still) with family are things she can't let go of when faced with them in potential friends.
And ultimately, the loss of these things just brings her sadness and depression. She's not in a state where she's interested in trying to make it work beyond saying she wants to verbally. Pretty textbook depression but there's complications right now in the way of her seeking help.
Apologies for the ramble/off my chest shit.
Sorry you and your wife are dealing with that. Kinda reminds me of an old saw: within two years of marriage you will move to within two miles of your mother in law. Sounds like maybe that’s what your wife was after with the support structure of family. FWIW “benefits” might be subjective…what one person considers beneficial may not have the same importance to another.