this post was submitted on 01 Mar 2025
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I thought doubting God was a sin and I'd go to hell if I died with doubt in my heart, so I avoided atheist material out of fear that it was Satan working through them to tempt me to doubt.
But eventually I just couldn't resist, and figured the atheist arguments would clearly be false, and God's truth or whatever would show through and then I could always refer to that event to shake any doubts.
The first video I watched was a debate between a pastor and Christopher Hitchens.
Absolutely shook my faith to the core. For a couple days afterward, no matter how I tried to twist it, I couldn't find the fault in Hitchens arguments.
After that, I began to research the history of Christianity with a more open mind, and it became clear what a shit show the whole thing was. I became agnostic, and I suppose in a way I still am a bit, in the sense that the existence of reality itself is quite puzzling, but I can say with certainty that no religion on earth has any answers toward that end.