this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2025
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Consent is the line that separates kink from abuse. It has to be the thing that people who do kink treat as the most sacred thing. If consent were not there, “doms” would be committing horrific acts of abuse.
The things I have let men to me have been only okay, and only enjoyable, because they were done to me with my consent. Taking a crop after a careful warmup by a partner who asked you in detail about what parts are okay to hit, and how you would like to be treated afterwards, and how long you’d like it to last - this is fun. Having a hookup spank or choke you out of nowhere? Not fun. Even if I enjoy spanking (or being choked, but choking is genuinely not safe and it’s concerning how common it is) - when I don’t know what the boundaries are anymore - I can’t relax and enjoy myself.
I lived as a 24/7 “you can hit me whenever you want” painslut, and even then, there were days where I didn’t want to be hit. Even the most extreme masochists are still people, and are still going to have limits.
Any kink community worth its salt will pillory you (not in a fun way) for not taking consent seriously. That’s how you can tell if they are safe.
I guess I didn't really understand what a masochist actually meant, as I attached some kind of sadist connotation to it, when it's just a pain-related kink. Thanks for the extra context, and I will try to update my understanding
Healthy sadism and masochism are when adults come together to talk about things that they enjoy doing or being done to them, and then doing those things in a way that is fun for both parties. What that looks like can look like a whole bunch of things, even things that we would see as actual crimes if they were being done to people who had not said “yes I want this.” (nothing like some light waterboarding)