this post was submitted on 12 Apr 2025
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tbf, next time the guy tries to make fun of someone for being a virgin he'll think twice about it because of that interaction, and who knows maybe that will spare a person who actually went though something like that from having to feel awful
in this situation, despite being in poor taste, the lie could've actually done some good in the long run
i mean ... maybe. But Lemmy is still gonna use "incel" as an insult, which is literally the same. Ive seen that here more than anywhwere else.
thats because self defined incels are awful people, especially regarding their online conduct. That absolutely makes "incel" a valid descriptor for people who behave like one - spreading misogynist bullshit, fantasizing about alpha males and jawlines and having a very "black and white" worldview, coupled with a tendency to glorify authoritarian society and being awful to anyone not fitting in their simply wrong pseudoscientifical "there are only 2 genders" and "homosexuality and transness are a mental disease" lies.
Incel is absolutely legit as an insult when someone behaves like one. The focus does NOT lie on virginity at all, but on a mindset.
Whatever somersaults you need to do to make your insulting people for not having sex ok. Same as every other generalization and stereotype. It's just a shortcut for "who can I other" ?
lol i didn't have sex for the last 6 years involuntarily (because of medical reasons) and i still don't spout the bullshit that incels do. like i said, it does not have anything to do with having sex or not, other than that vile men don't get pussy.
I get it, and thinking about it I know some married men who'll say the same kind of incel-type shit you see online. I agree that it doesn't have to do with "getting pussy" really because obviously lots of vile men do get pussy and are still misogynistic assholes, but words have meanings.
I guess my bigger issue is with there being a negative connotation to the concept of celibacy as an inherently bad thing. Intended or not it's still placing value on someones ability to have sex with someone else. You can be a hateful piece of shit and still fuck, it really is just another way to form an out group.
edit: to be fair though, in this context, I've never actually met anyone who proudly claims the title of incel and I have no doubt that person would be a massive piece of shit that likely needs years of therapy/emotional work to be a healthy human being
I agree that there are vile men out there who still have sexual partners, but as is the case with all statistics, they can be true even if they can't say anything regarding a single case. Those hateful people also are more preying on vulnerable women than having relationships, and statistically those men are seen as not desirable by women.
I believe that someone who does not want to have sex will have his or her reasons, and even if they don't have one, it's still fine for me, and i can understand where they are coming from. I, for example, had a lot of chronic pain since my teenage years, coming from a broken home where noone gave a fuck about me. With chronic pain you get depression (which is feeding back into the chronic pain, which is especially ugly), and depression, pain and antidepressants result in no desire for sex, especially when combined over decades. So, i am not one to judge someone by the number of their sexual partners, but i do judge behavior.
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