this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2025
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I'm tired of the lack of intersectionality when it comes to men being hetero and queer (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/mensliberation
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I heard the term "sapphic-coded male" the other day and it hit home in terms of accuracy, and highlighted for me how such a possibility really isn't acknowledged by a part of the left.

There seems to be an association that to be a man you can't value things that women do, or have feminine traits or behaviors, and still be a straight man.

The right is very open about this in a hateful malicious way, the left less so, it's incredibly present in the language used and for more practical examples look at some well known trans women like Contrapoints, Abigail Thorne, and November Kelly. Their ability to present as sexual beings and say suggestive and explicit things is way different as women than it ever was as men.

If a guy openly talk about his love of bondage and kink and just being horny they're either coded as on the right or a creep if they're talking about women (being a thirsty gay guy is ok because they're not straight) but if you're a woman who likes women then culturally it's fine.

To be clear I don't think there's anything wrong with the above individuals and I'm a big fan of all three, which is how this observation came about.

Similarly going on Tumblr or bluesky and seeing posts by women about how they don't get why heterosexual guys don't like cutesy things or behaviors or relationships like bi/gay women do and I want to scream because those guys completely exist and want those things, the division of men into the groups of "stereotypical masc hetero guy" and "gay or non-binary" isn't real and a the left helps perpetuate it by coding heterosexuality as bad or conservative. Also yes I'm saying the left but more accurately mean whatever we're calling the 2025 descendant of Tumblr feminism

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[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

No idea why you need made-up words or why you give a fuck. I'm as straight as they come, I'd peg the Kinsey scale for hetero, and 50+ women can attest. I also wear women's clothes now and again, engage in "feminine" activities, all that. I wear combat boots with scarves, shoot guns and grow flowers. My first wife called me her "gay husband who likes pussy".

I don't feel, well, any of the frustration you seem to feel. Maybe I just don't care about fitting, something... anything...? Sounds like you spend too much time trying to fit into online social groups. You're right, there's not really a word for us, but I can't be assed to think on it.

Where are you catching this rejection you sound like you're feeling?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

For most people their social presentation and perception is very important. I've gotten to care less as I got older and atarted understanding the shortcomings of my family in that regard.

But not everyone gets to be that lucky. It can be very scary to so something that might just not quite fit in with the social group you're around. Humans are social animals after all, even though getting isolated no longer is a death sentence, it can still hurt.