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Making friends in adulthood (beehaw.org)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Is it really harder to find true, meaningful friendships (not romantic and/or sexual) in more 'adult' years or is this an introverts problem? I am quite introverted at first, I would never just start a friendly conversation with a stranger and work friends usually are just work friends. I moved to UK in 2019 and since then I had few different jobs and connected with people from work, but none of them wanted to stay in touch outside work. I was a bit confused, as I thought those people enjoyed my company as much I did theirs. Not even sure if this is maybe a cultural thing? I grew up in Poland and Eastern European people are more direct than British, so you know straight away of they like you or not. What are your experiences? How do you deal with meeting new people?

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It's not easy and will take effort. I think as adults we forget how slow the process of making friends can be. As kids we would spend most of our day with the same set of kids, so we had a lot of time together, but as adults we go to 1 or 2 meetups and give up if we haven't made connections yet.

I suggest starting small. Search for meetups in your area for activities that interest you, such as a game night or a trivia night - if you're into that. That way the focus is on the activity itself and not forcing you to strike up a conversation with a stranger out of the blue.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

It definitely takes effort. However I do get discouraged if I feel like I'm the only one working on trying to keep the connection. Loads of my previous friendships was just me always starting the conversation or suggesting to meet or do something together and it does makes me feel like I'm bothering them, but I suppose thats 'my problem' I do have hobbies, I've been active in one for over 10 years and had connections with seweral people, but we stopped talking for one or the other reason. I will have to look out for local craft groups, maybe that will work.