Mental Health

I finally decided to leave Reddit because I got banned from the CPTSD sub for defending an abuse survivor. I need to get this off my chest because it made me feel so deeply upset and I can’t ever share this perspective on Reddit without getting banned or harassed. If you find controversial opinions about LGBT rights uncomfortable, skip this.

TW: abuse, DV

So what happened was that a woman whose partner of several years severely abused her physically, emotionally and sexually. She finally got out with major trauma and tried to continue her life. But soon she found out her abuser changed genders. He became a woman. She talked about how she was scared for other women because the person that abused her so violently for years was now allowed to walk into female spaces. A fear that I find very legitimate if that person was so violent towards a woman. She expressed that she is angry and confused with herself for not being able to respect this persons pronouns or treat them as a woman. She wanted to talk about this bitterness, injustice and the fact that her abuser is now under a social protection and likely labeled as “stunning and brave”.

So I very much understand the political nuance of this and that this likely touched a nerve of people with gender dysphoria. But has also deeply touched a nerve of DA survivors and women with fear of male violence. So instead of support, this womam got crazy amount of hate for “not respecting his pronouns and identity”. They said “someone may be an abuser, but they still deserve to be respected”, they said that to a SURVIVOR. They sided with an abuser just because he decided to transition. I defended her and said that she owes no respect to her abuser.

Well of course, this woman had to delete her account and I was banned. I was banned for saying being trans doesn’t erase the vile things you did and that nobody owes you respect. As someone with CPTSD I felt betrayed and disgusted with the exclusion and invalidation of a survivor whose story didn’t align with political agenda. She was silenced on a sub that was supposed to be a safe space.

Now I want to clarify that I am NOT from the US, and in my country I am a great supporter of equality and LGBT rights. But I am against social protection and special treatment for people based on identity REGARDLESS of their actions and treatment of others. This story doesn’t mean trans people are abusers, but it means they CAN be! And that “can” was unbearable truth to hear for many people on that sub and I feel so bad for that poor woman who was told to shut up and respect her abuser.

Thanks for reading my rant and if I get banned I will at least have the comfort of getting this deeply upsetting incident off my chest. Last thing - don’t take this as a free pass to insult trans people for being trans or generalize. This is about personal accountability and a system that overlooks facts that don’t fit the narrative.