this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2021
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Privacy
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I use it for daily communication with my friends and family and think it's one of the best choices for IM.
There are a lot of public servers, but - as with every non-centralised protocol - choosing the right one might be tricky. This list provides a good starting point imho: https://list.jabber.at/ Also you might want to check, that your choosen server is fully compliant with the current xmpp standards, which can be done at https://compliance.conversations.im/
Last but not least, if you want to have a look at self-hosting, there is this fairly new project called snikket (https://snikket.org/) which aims to make xmpp hosting easier (and also the whole xmpp usage a bit more consistent for "normal" users by rebranding the protocol and it's apps under a single name), but uses a standard xmpp server in the background.
As for the clients, I use dino (https://dino.im) and gajim (https://gajim.org) on my Linux desktop and Conversations on Android.
disroot also offers xmpp service.
Do you self host?
I self-host a Prosody server, which is the project Snikket builds on. You have some specific questions?
Yeah a couple if you don't mind.
I'm also running prosody and can confirm everything you said. Prosody is surprisingly lean and snappy. I remember being concerned about getting prosody to be compliant (after coming from ejabberd, which has everything built-in), but it was very straightforward. I don't know if that last 5% compliance is worth it for a self-hosted server. I think an invitations-based system works best for in-band registration, but as far as I know that won't satisfy the requirement of being "open."
Have a look at this article which compares some resource use. For small instances Prosody uses even less resources then ejabberd, but ejabberd scales better for larger servers.
No. Prosody is very resource friendly, especially for a small group of users. You can easily run it on a first generation Raspberry Pi.
I think you just have to enable some modules in the config. I'm sure there's a guide on how to do it somewhere.
Less than Matrix-Synapse. You set it up once with all the modules you liked through the package manager of your OS and then you just auto update and forget it. Of course you should do regular backups of the data it stores, but apart from that you should be fine.