this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
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The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Done. The dodo wings are from 23 million years ago, carrying with them a tertiary-period fungi that spreads rapidly and has a lengthy gestation period, rendering mammals sterile without obvious physical symptoms. Scientists notice 17 weeks after your wish, by which time the fungus has widespread colonized mycelium on every continent and infected everyone who is tested. Suicides skyrocket globally as everyone on earth realizes they are witness and participants to the final generation.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Dodos were a modern bird, not prehistoric. How did they become infested with a prehistoric fungus?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I enjoy how you fixed it by making it more ridiculous.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Whosoever clamors for prehistory, receives their prehistory.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Shoot I am so tired I always make a final throwaway comment right before I fall asleep and it always bites me in the ass. Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You don't really need the suicides, people could simply appreciate the fact that dodos have their revenge by making us (and all mammals) go extinct.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

That's why they didn't all kill themselves. Some lingered to gloat.