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I feel like less of a man because of how emotionally sensitive I am. (lemmy.fmhy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I don't know how else to describe it, but all my male friends and family are very unemotional. Not in the sense that they don't feel anything, but that they are a lot better at handling them and I feel like I'm not. I've tried meditation, therapy, healthy eating and a better sleep schedule but nothing works. I still anger and get upset at the smallest things and I feel like I'm less masculine than my friends. Im even known as the super emotional guy in the group and they often tease me about it, which makes things worse. My family constantly talk down to me as I don't work out much and am very thin and short while my younger bros are jacked and tall. I don't know what to do and really needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

This may seems like a strange source by I really enjoyed the Copenhagen Pride definition of feminism

FEMINISM
Feminism refers both to a political movement that originated in the battle for equal voting rights for women, and a political ideology that strives to attain equality between all genders. Although feminism arose from the women’s rights movement and have come a long way under its banners, there has recently been a move towards more focus on the struggles of other minorities in society. This is referred to as intersectional feminism: the intersections that occur between identities which affect the way a person experiences society, for instance as a black bisexual woman, a non-binary person with a disability, a transgender gay man, and so forth.

Feminism rejects the traditional patriarchal values that oppresses the individual regardless of gender. An aspect of this is the notion that women are worth less than men, or that being straight is preferable to an LGBTQIA+ identity. The struggle of women in society is still an issue deserving of undivided attention, but it does not need to be at the cost of addressing overlapping identities that face problems on a similar basis.

An example: A boy gets teased in school for wearing a dress. Here, feminism tells us to disregard the idea that there is a correct way of “doing” your gender, and instead encourage us to express ourselves freely. It may sound simple, but we live in a society that is deeply influenced by traditional understandings of gender, and it requires and active awareness that not everyone fits into the classic binary understanding of gender. And that’s totally okay!

HOW DO WE WORK WITH FEMINISM?

The feminist work practice of Copenhagen Pride is tied up with the recognition of privilege blindness. Privilege blind refers to the tendency to be unable to see the challenges faced by others because of your position in society. It is not in and of itself a negative thing, but it can be harmful because it can lead to the exclusion of certain persons or groups. By recognizing this blindness, we can get insight into our distinct challenges and thus become better at helping one another out. An example of privilege blindness is the fact that the global Pride movement has often been criticized of only catering to (primarily white) gay cisgender men and forgetting about the other identities in the acronym. This comes to show if a Pride chooses to only have pictures of this group in their promotional material, thus contributing to a feeling of exclusion by others, who may not feel as welcomed. We can work against this by actively incorporating women, transgender people and QTBIPOC[1] into our strategies and representation and making an effort to amplify the voices that have a hard time being heard. This is ideally done by working towards having decision making persons and groups representing a broad section of our community. A way to use your privilege for good is to pass on the mic, instead of believing that you can speak on the behalf of others. That’s our responsibility as feminists!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

This IS progress. Much better than the previous but simpler definition that went like "Feminism is a movement that fights for gender equality for women". Which is a bit of a oxymoron if you ask me.

The next step is to recognize that cultural norms that harms people on the basis of gendered expectations isn't uniquely or even primarily caused by an elite few, but is a systemic wide cultural problem for which both men and women are responsible. Using "patriarchy" as the term to refer to this problem is a best misleading, causes unnecessary division and leads to a certain myopia when looking at how to address the problem.

The step after that is that it is obviously absurd to name a gender equality movement after only one of the genders. Again this alienates certain groups of people and prevents them from contributing to the conversation on an equal footing.

But in practice, that's not what's going to happen. There's not going to be a flipped switch and everyone agrees to stop using the word patriarchy to refer to the ills of society or to rename feminism to something else. Instead, little by little, the more sensible people recognize these issues and individually choose to no longer use the patriarchy and feminist terminologies. Until the only the only people left still willing to call themselves feminists will be the most radical of misandrists.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago (2 children)

What other words are there to switch to? It is hard to argue that we should use different terms if those don't exist yet.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

This might give you a case of déjà-vue, but "harmful gender expectations" is a pretty good alternative. It doesn't cover all the reasons why someone might want to use the term patriarchy, but it covers a large portion of them, in particular it does cover the use of it in this thread that set off all this discussion.

And I think using clearer more precise terms depending on circumstances would be greatly beneficial. The terms patriarchy seems easily misunderstood and misused and I've seen many people go so far as to believe that the term is intentionally misused or intentionally misunderstood.

On a somewhat related topic, what do you think of male privilege. Are men a privileged class?

There was a guy in this thread that talked about how acknowledging his male privilege literally saved his life (I'm exaggerating). But he also had the misfortune of using the word "Toxic" followed by the word "Masculinity" without any irony and therefore suffered the wrath of our merciless mod.

I spent 30 minutes preparing a reply before I realized there was nothing left to reply to, I ended up sending it to him in a dm. But you seem to have a bit more advanced understanding of these topics so I'm curious what you think of this one.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Patriarchy just means "society", but sneaks in blaming men for any problems caused by it

Egalitarian is a word that means equality between all peoples, and that existed before feminism as a word, to give you an idea of how far back their sexist bias goes

"Toxic Masculinity" really is a victim blaming way to say "gender expectations placed on men by society, which are harmful to others but maybe sometimes we'll admit are harmful to the man subject to the abuse, but who gives a fuck about that guy he hasn't solved his own problems and instead made them known to others, how can we make him shut up?"

And for that last one we actually prefer the terminology feminism used before they realized it applied to men as well: "sexist gender roles and expectations"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

This definition of feminism is what they want you to think. If you actually read the ideologies behind OG feminists, what feminism means is far from just equality between men and women. It's just a misandrist movement that really stands for female superiority. The concepts they came up with such as patriarchy theory and male privilege really comes from blaming societies gender problems on men. Read Elizabeth Stato, Kate Millett, Andrea Dworkin, and idk this subs opinion on Janice Fiamengo but if you don't wanna do the grueling research, she can break it down for you. This will tell you everything you need to know about real feminism, not the brainwashed crap that hides behind a progressive mask that's out there.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Good comment!

idk this subs opinion on Janice Fiamengo

There will be a range of opinions, I guess. Mine is that I like her and many of the points she makes, but she leans a bit too much into traditionalism.