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YES... the way people talk to each other on Reddit is disheartening. I found that if I didn't phrase things EXACTLY in the same tone/manner that was the general "reddit tone/manner" it was an argument and downvotes. If I had any opinion that was ever so slightly different from the popular opinion it wasn an argument and downvotes. It became impossible to have authentic conversations in many of the subs

For me, Reddit/Twitter/Facebook/Instagram communities provided more incentives to have ASPD than to work on mitigating the symptoms and having productive, meaningful conversations.

Sure, I lose hostility as a defense mechanism against social anxiety but I can actually feel myself becoming happier since leaving.

Yes, totally. There is a real sense of hostility on most subs. (Larger ones anyway) It's so hostile I'd always think twice about speaking my mind about anything. Like going back to high school or something.

Sometime in the past few years I feel like reddit devolved into an argument fest. It seems like the only thing anyone is interested in is arguing or saying rude or hateful shit in the comments. It turned me off to commenting tbh and even pre-api nonsense made me realize I didn't enjoy reddit the way I used to.

It's nice here still, and hopefully stays that way. Sometimes I'll write something that I realize could be taken as rude and I'll feel like an absolute asshole until I fix it. Like I'm worried I'll upset someone when I didn't mean to... I haven't given something like that a second thought on Reddit in years.

Also if anyone reads a comment from me and I sound like an asshole, please let me know! It's almost certainly not intended, especially anywhere on Beehaw.

First off, OP, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Hostile responses hurt, particularly when you're just trying to help. I hope this doesn't stop you from sharing ideas in the future. We need more people willing to share ideas so we can have good thought diversity.

That being said, I don't think this is a good reason to leave Reddit or hate Reddit.

I know a lot of us are really highly charged right now and the Reddit hate is strong. We got burned by something that was a major part of our lives for many years. But the toxicity of the participants is not exactly a Reddit thing. This is an internet thing. You are not getting away from that here.

I have had similar experiences as OP on Reddit and I'm also seeing similar behaviors on Lemmy as well, particularly now that it is growing faster.

Lemmy and federated services in general do not automatically mean that the community is nicer or are more respectful. That is not the problem these services try to solve. They solve issues of ownership and centralization. Even communities like Beehaw aren't free from this either. I've seen some pretty toxic behavior, even on Beehaw. They can't escape that. But what they can do is set a standard for expected behaviors and then moderate the community as best they can. This doesn't eliminate the problem, but at least it sets a stage where we can play, and call out when someone crosses the line.

So let's not kid ourselves. When people from different backgrounds, views, and intents come together with the capability of being anonymous and behind a screen, the bad actors WILL come and join the fray. That's just part of internet connected life.