this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Few_Media620 on 2023-07-08 18:19:18+00:00.


I have a autistic older sister 37 Annie who has never had a job lives with my parents. Has no personal skills and an extremely low eq. She has scary meltdowns that have placed her on court ordered holds several times and two times while she was in college. She went to this local college for about 10 years to finish her bachelor’s degree in art. It was split up between an associate and a bachelor. She struggled and had breakdowns but my parents kept encouraging her. She graduated while the students loans was on hold and can’t get a job with her art degree and her personal skills. She once had a major meltdown during an interview and my mom had to come get her from the hospital because the police was called. She’s a bigger girl so it can be scary for people if she has one. My mom tried to sue the employer and always is getting a lawyer for my sister for her actions or for discrimination because of her actions.

Now that there’s no forgiveness for student loans and my sister hardly gets enough disability to cover everything my parents find out she’s in around 6 figures student loan debt and they co-signed for.

It’s a huge debt that can’t be written off and my parents said they only filed paperwork like once or twice for my sister and didn’t even realize what is going on. I told my mom maybe she shouldn’t have encouraged my disabled sister to get her Art degree. My mom is the type that posted the whole time about my sister going to college and living her dream on the spectrum. My sister repeatedly had to retake courses, had specialized requirements and private tutoring.

My mom is now publicly bashing the university for doing this but I feel like my parents are to blame for basically giving my sister a blank check and acting like it was inspirational. My parents asked me to help out financially with my sister and I said no. They tried asking me what’s going to happen to her when they die because she’s in so much debt and I said you should have thought about that because she’s not living with me and I’m not even going to take care of her. My family thinks I’m awful but I feel like everyone is irresponsible for even pushing my sister to be inspirational and forcing her in a life long debt that she’ll never pay back.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Your title sends the opposite image of the body because you missed the negative.

In any case, autism is a complex disability, and your sister sounds like she's got high support requirement. While you're in no way responsible for her debt, if you're somewhat close than you could provide some support, which doesn't need to be financial. Sure she can't support herself, but she didn't ask for any of it either, she was born that way, and with some moral and coaching support she might be able to improve her social skills, maybe enough to get a small time job or even work on her art and sell it to be able to slowly repay her debt.

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