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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WeekEmbarrassed6759 on 2024-01-18 13:34:54+00:00.
sorry for all the mistakes, english is not my native language!
all i (f19) know about my father is his last name. when i was four years old, my mother got married again. her husband, whom i will call john, adopted me. until i became a teenager and asked a direct question, my mother insisted that he was my real father.
john has been very strict. for example, he could punish me for leaving my room at night or having a snack before lunch, and often made fun of my speech defects. when i was very young (4-5), i tried to make friends with him, but he constantly pushed me away. in the end, i never loved him, did not obey him, and he was never an authority for me. i never saw him as a parent. so the further i grew up, the more we fought. at some point, scandals began to occur almost daily, and john and i insulted each other with all our might.
my mom was more liberal, but she never took my side. she grew up in an toxic family, and for as long as i can remember, she was very depressed, so she avoided any conflicts. i forgive her for that, but i admit that it was so. but one day, when i was 15, i had a breakdown, and i wrote mom a long message where i told her that john was responsible for the fact that i almost dropped out of school and never felt that i had a family.
mom cried for a long time, but eventually she offered me a compromise. john would live separately until i moved, and i would go to therapy and try to fix my life. i agreed, and things have been pretty good for the last five years.
life turned out so that only at the beginning of this february i will move into my house. mom inherited two living spaces from her parents, she now lives in one, and decided to give the second one to me so that i would not have to live in rented housing. mom is still with john. over the years, he sometimes came to our house for my younger brother, but we didn't even say hello, and i just went to my room when he came.
i had almost vacated my room when my mom suddenly mentioned that john will come to visit me from time to time. i was like, what? she said that since she did not have her own car, she would give him spare keys so that he could check if everything was in order, make repairs for me, carry heavy loads and so on. i said that this would not happen, i did not want to see this man at my home and would kick him out if i only saw him on the doorstep. i don't mind him living with mom again, but my house is my home, and i want to feel safe there.
now my mom is pretty angry. she says it's time for me to let go of my resentments and accept help from a person who will lend me a helping hand. she also told me that she was very offended that i wanted to change my stepfather's surname to my grandmother's, because he raised me, "although he was wrong in some ways".
i don't consider myself an asshole, and i don't even mind seeing this man at my mom's house, but i just don't like him and i don't want to have access to my personal space. so i was wondering, maybe i'm really wrong?