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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Individual_Soup_9752 on 2024-01-18 14:38:09+00:00.
My dad died when I (28f) was 4. My grandma died before I was born and she was my dad's mom. I have extremely vague memories of my dad and no contact with any of his living family. According to family friends grandma and my dad were the best from that family. Through family friends I have learned a lot about my dad and I have always been aware that I am the spitting image of him and he was the spitting image of his mom. I also learned that she was a really amazing person and someone I have admired more as I learn more. Dad's friends all thought of her as a mom figure and really loved that they knew her.
Because of all this I feel a connection to her as well. And also because of how similar we look. So I want a photo of both of them on a table at the wedding where we honor those who cannot make it. My fiancée wants her brother and sister who died as children to have photos on there as well.
The conflict comes from my stepdad. He and my mom met when I was 6 and in many ways he was the only father figure I had/knew growing up. I was 8 when he and my mom got married but we lived together for over a year at that point. He has always felt slighted by the fact he's stepdad and not dad. He also has mentioned that he wishes that people didn't point out how much I look like my dad. He's very insecure about mentions of my dad and also because my mom also speaks fondly of him still.
When I mentioned the table to them my stepdad was not happy that someone I never met and someone else I hardly remembered would be on the table. I think he took even more offense because his mom who I only met once before she died, would not be on there. I didn't offer to put her on there because I want the table to represent people my fiancée and I are missing and feel should have been there. There are technically others we could both put if we were to include people our families are missing.
My stepdad asked me why I have to put my dad on display like that during the wedding. Why does he have to haunt him there as well. He told me it's hurtful to always feel like he's not even second best but just doesn't compare to someone who is not even a full memory of me. I told him that was hurtful for me to hear because he's still my dad and I wouldn't be here without him or my grandma. He told me that it's his truth and he must speak it and if I care about him at all I will make this one sacrifice for him.
AITA?