This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sad-Entertainment428 on 2024-01-18 14:57:17+00:00.
During the holidays, my only cousin from my biological mom's side who lives in a whole other continent visited after six years. Last time I F(22) saw him M(10), he was just over 4, and this was his first visit in all these years. We only managed to spend a handful of times together over the break, and he's set to leave in a week.
I'm anticipating one last meet-up in a few days, and my stepmom (SMom) gave me a talk about not crying when I see him. Her concern stemmed from a previous instance where I cried as I said goodbye to him and his family, thinking it was our final day together before they headed back. On that occasion, he cried too, as we had anticipated and discussed the night before. We both acknowledged our sadness and the fact that we'd miss each other dearly. That day though, I wasn’t sobbing, just visibly tearful and upset. In fact, I was even the one comforting and reassuring my cousin that everything would be okay and I’m only a message away. He also had a choice to stay another day, but I told him his other cousins who lived a few cities away might miss him too.
During the talk, my SMom reminded me, "You saw that he was upset, so you have to control yourself." To which I responded, "I promise, I really tried to hold it back as much as possible, and that’s something I thought of too." Knowing he's younger, I understood the expectation for me to be "stronger." Despite my assurance, my SMom reiterated not to cry, asking, "Don’t you feel bad for him?" I repeated what I said again, but with a bit of a tone which I feel bad about. After that, everything was a bit of a blur as I just kept nodding and I tried to make my mind wander off so as to not speak anymore ill. The conversation ended and there’s a bit of tension now, but I wouldn’t know how bad till the morning.
My SMom has always been better at holding her tears back. I, on the other hand, am admittedly more emotional. However, I was taken aback as it seemed as if I hadn't considered my cousin's feelings if I cried and hadn't attempted to be strong. It's worth noting that the uncertainty of their next visit added to my emotions. He's like a brother, and his mom was almost like a second mother during my upbringing, so all the distance is hard. Anyway, I’m unsure if my emotional reaction is an overreaction or not and I might just have a different perspective.