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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dreverse1999 on 2024-01-18 16:24:51+00:00.
I (23F) have been in a great relationship with my boyfriend, Paul (23M), for around two years now. Recently, we attended the funeral service of one of his best friends since high school, and during the service, Paul kissed the coffin. Not many people seemed to notice, and I thought it was a nice gesture, but I was kinda weirded out. He approached me and looked at me, saying, “What’s that face about?” and I just whispered, “Oh nothing, I just think that was kinda awkward, unusual” Paul just gave me a smile and kept walking with teary eyes.
I know funerals are highly emotional events so I didn’t mention anything else after that and I didn’t meant to directly judge his behaviour.
The next day, during a casual conversation with a couple of our group friends, I mentioned to one particular friend that I thought Paul kissing the coffin was kinda weird but sweet in retrospective, not really thinking much about it, just as a recounting of the previous day. One of our mutual friends overheard us and said, “I don’t think that’s weird; it was our last time to say goodbye right?” and that she thought it was a touching moment. At that point, everyone joined the conversation, and one of the other friends was like, “Oh buddy!!!” and gave my boyfriend a big hug. I added, “Yeah, I said it was sweet but not something you see every day, isn't it?” and everyone got all quiet.
My boyfriend seemed a little uncomfortable. He said, "Please, let’s change the subject." we did but after that, he kinda zoned out and left earlier than we had planned for that day. This was almost two weeks ago, and we're still talking like usual, but I don’t want to keep bothering our friends over this, and I'd rather not bother Paul since he’s still grieving. My sister thinks I was wrong to express my thoughts at that moment and that kissing a closed casket or coffin is not really that unusual, and I should leave it alone.
I know that writing a Reddit post is the opposite of leaving it alone, but some of our mutual friends told me I was being very obnoxious that day with Paul by bringing up the subject. So, I guess I need to know from more perspectives if I was indeed an a-hole for mentioning what I was thinking.
Perhaps it's a cultural thing because I was raised in Germany, and he’s French, but I don’t believe I was rude for simply bringing it up! Maybe I lack funeral service etiquette?
EDIT: I knew his friend too, and he was a great guy and an amazing person all around. Just so you know I’m also grieving in a way