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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/6-022x10e23_avocados on 2024-01-21 15:19:57+00:00.
I had been part of the great redundancy of 2023 so in between looking for jobs, my friend let me stay at her apartment with her.
She has a cleaner who comes in 2x a week and I had previously asked this cleaner to clean my own apartment so I knew how much her time cost, although I ended up never engaging the cleaner's services.
Now that I'm in another country, I had asked the cleaner to help me get some paperwork done and told her I would pay her for her time.
My friend messaged me seeming upset, and I asked directly what it was about, and the response was:
"The truth is I could’ve offered to help you out for free - to pick up your documents for you. And if I needed help with that, I could’ve employed [the cleaner] and paid her myself. But to employ her services without letting me know and not giving payment clarity means I might be obligated to pay on your behalf without my consent - because you were my guest friend and I’m the one who’s left here. Nobody said “Is it ok with you?" It also complicated my relationship with [the cleaner] as [the cleaner] can’t fully understand why a small thing can stress me out. How can I explain boundaries to her? It’s okay for Lyn to help, it’s her choice, and you need help; but i would’ve appreciated a little notice - “Im going to ask for [the cleaner's] help and it might require a fee. I’ll pay you when I get paid in July. Is that okay?” At least I get a sense of choice, im prepared and everyone’s clear"
Thing is, I messaged the cleaner because I knew my friend was stressed over other things and I didn't want to trouble her with it. I also never said anything about paying all the way in July. AITA for not letting my friend know? As far as I'm concerned I was engaging a freelancer who's not supposed to intrude on the time booked for my friend. .