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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwaway-26435654 on 2024-01-21 16:28:14+00:00.
Throwaway account. My partner’s sibling is engaged and they have decided to do a destination wedding in the fiancé’s home country.
This is because the fiancés family is larger, and solely resides in their home country and cannot travel to our home country. The engaged couple intend to marry in the fiancés home country and then return to our home country.
This will require myself, my partner and my partner’s parents to fly in order to attend.
The issue that has arisen is they have proposed a wedding date in the immediate future that significantly conflicts with our respective lives. To explain:
Both my partner and I have jobs that wouldn’t allow us to book time off specifically around the date they’ve proposed. We would need to catch red-eye flights and arrive on the day of with little to no sleep involved. This is a non-negotiable conflict, neither of us can take a few days off beforehand given our professions.
My partner’s parents have a pre-existing scheduling conflict that would allow them to attend. However, they would essentially arrive a few days before, attend, and then leave.
The engaged couple do have an urgency to their wedding and I can understand that. However, I do not understand why they cannot get court room married and then plan a destination ceremony allowing everyone to attend comfortably without the stress. To me, given the urgency, these events can be separate and do not have to be done simultaneously.
I feel like we are being forced into a rock and a hard place - we want to attend, but will not be able to present our best selves. My partner is willing to endure because it’s their sibling, but, I am of the opinion we will likely be so stressed out and burnt out that we will fight and not have a good time whatsoever.
Naturally I do not have any info from my partner’s fiancés side on why they’ve chosen the proposed date. So perhaps there is a more significant driving force on their end.
So WITBA if I put my foot down and say “I’m sorry, but your proposed wedding date does not work with my schedule”.