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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FatherlyBoo933 on 2024-01-22 12:27:29+00:00.
My mom is being the MIL in law from hell to my wife right now and I snapped at her recently over this and have laid some boundaries down, but I am questioning my reaction to her.
So my wife Kenzie (25f) and I (25m) have been married for just over a year and we're expecting our first child this year. This will be my parents first grandchild and this has caused some craziness from my mom. She has aimed most of this at Kenzie but I did step in when I learned how pushy my mom became. This started right after our pregnancy announcement. My mom went to Kenzie and told her we should name our child Rodger if we had a boy and Elizabeth if we have a girl. Rodger was my mom's grandfather and she wanted to name me or one of my brothers Rodger but dad vetoed the name every time. Elizabeth is her favorite girl name and my dad vetoed that for my sister's too. Kenzie told her we weren't really looking for name suggestions and we had discussed a few already. My mom told her the names were important and should be used.
A couple of weeks after the first incident my mom asked Kenzie if she knew whether baby Rodger or baby Elizabeth was joining the family. Kenzie told her neither of those names were in the running and we didn't know yet.
Kenzie mentioned mom bringing up the names to me then but downplayed how pushy she was being so I said nothing at that point.
We learned we were having a boy and my mom became so pushy that she ordered blankets and clothes with the name Rodger embroidered on them. The first we knew of this is when she gave us a little door decoration with the name Rodger on it. I told my mom then that we hadn't finalized a name yet and wouldn't be announcing it until after he's here anyway.
She went to Kenzie yet again and told her she was pissing her off by refusing to comply. They argued about it and Kenzie told me about it afterward. I went to talk to my mom and make some things clear and she asked why nobody in this family wanted to use the names she loved. I told her that was something she should work through herself because we are not obligated to use them for her.
She then sent a gift package with all the clothes and blanket with the name Rodger and she sent them to my wife and posted them on social media. This made people assume we had chosen the name Rodger. This is when I lost it and went over to confront her about the pushiness. She told me it was important to take her opinion on board as my mom and our son's grandma. And that's when I told her she had zero rights to name our baby and her opinion wasn't wanted or important here. My mom told me it was rude to dismiss her opinion and her feelings as unimportant and I should have more respect for her.
It made me realize we need space from her right now but also I do wonder if I went too far. AITA?